11 Unfortunately Common Humiliation Rituals That Happen At Almost Every Job
PeopleImages from Getty Images Signature via CanvaWhile constructive negative feedback can sometimes improve employees' performance in certain contexts, far more research has found that when someone feels embarrassed and ashamed at work, they are less likely to learn from failures and improve.
While there are several unfortunately common humiliation rituals that still seem to happen at almost every job, that doesn’t mean they should be normalized. Your boss isn’t your parent, and they shouldn’t punish you as though you were a child. Your humanity deserves to be respected, regardless of your position, power, or salary.
Here are 11 unfortunately common humiliation rituals that happen at almost every job
1. Being corrected publicly
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Especially with someone in a position of power at work, having a safe space to lean into for feedback is important. However, if your boss or manager regularly corrects your behavior in a shameful, public way without ever taking the time to offer real constructive criticism, chances are you’re battling with resentment.
It’s uncomfortable dealing with feedback on its own, let alone in a room of people you’re supposed to see as your equals.
2. Watching someone else be praised for your idea
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While figuring out how to respond when someone takes credit for your work can be nuanced and sometimes bring back some confidence, most of the time, it just feels embarrassing. Whether it’s personal annoyance or second-hand embarrassment for a colleague who can’t come up with their own ideas, it happens at almost every single job.
These are just one example of the many bad co-workers everyone runs into at one point or another. They steal your ideas, repurpose them in superficial ways as their own, and seek constant validation at the expense of positive praise for you.
3. Being assigned ‘admin work’ all the time
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Despite being “essential” to everyone’s performance and productivity in the workplace, women tend to be expected to take on more “administrative work” in the office than their male counterparts, according to a WU Vienna study. Despite being paid more and having a larger role, they’re often tasked with tasks that are entirely outside their pay grade.
Of course, it can feel humiliating and belittling at times for anyone, but it’s also a sign of the misogyny and gender differences that women unfairly experience all the time at work.
4. Getting serious feedback in a public email
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While healthy, effective feedback can truly boost employee performance and well-being at work, where and how it happens is a key player in how much someone gains from having their behavior corrected. Especially when most people are afraid to give feedback, doing it offline or in a meeting might feel like an accessible option, but for the employee's health, avoid these public rituals.
Not only do they feel humiliated when there are other people around and when there are in-person, private alternatives to having this conversation, but they also discourage employees from asking questions and being intentional with their bosses.
5. Being put on the spot in meetings
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While shaming someone into changing their behavior might feel like a better way than physical alternatives or punishments, experts like Professor Krystine I. Batcho suggest that it rarely works. Especially in the workplace, where respect is the foundation of interactions with anyone, shame works in the opposite way.
In fact, if you put someone on the spot in meetings to intentionally shame or embarrass them, you’re giving them a reason to be more avoidant. Shame doesn’t encourage people to lean in. It encourages them to avoid the person or thing that’s directly shaming them.
6. Being made the ‘example’ of what not to do
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Most of the time, getting constructive feedback from anyone, let alone a leader at work, feels impossible and uncomfortable. Especially when it comes from the wrong place or happens in the wrong setting, like being made an example of what not to do in a public meeting with peers, it only exacerbates that discomfort.
While it might feel like the most convenient way to address a problem for everyone, even if it’s calling out one person specifically, that single person will likely feel ostracized and shamed. These complex emotions don’t help someone change their behavior, but instead isolate them and hold onto anger and resentment.
So, while most people have experienced this at least once in their careers, that doesn’t mean it’s a truly affective ways for someone’s behavior to be corrected or to create a safe space amid the company culture.
7. Wearing the ‘wrong’ things
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Whether it’s traveling for work or going to a conference together, feeling like you stick out for wearing the wrong things can be humiliating, especially if you’re new and still finding your place. While professionalism in dress codes is still somewhat elusive and willing to be stretched, sometimes, it’s clear you’re over- or underdressed, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Especially considering the dress code is often tied to someone’s sense of security, belonging, and appropriateness, it can feel destabilizing when everyone’s looking at you for the wrong reasons.
8. Doing forced team-building rituals
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While team-building and getting to know co-workers in a less rigid way can help with overall comfort and productivity at work, most people don’t want incredibly close personal relationships with the people they see at work. In fact, for people who only come to work for a paycheck, being expected to go to happy hours and team-building events can feel like a waste of time.
Interactions often feel forced and like a humiliation ritual because they’re yet another obligation that burnt-out employees are expected to endure.
9. Talking to an oversharing co-worker
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While oversharing can sometimes help to mediate a person’s anxiety or discomfort by promoting a misleading bond with someone else, experts like author Polly Campbell argue that it usually just places a burden on others. They feel pressured to keep the conversation going and sometimes overshare, in ways that usually create more discomfort than peace.
So, if you’re always around that one co-worker who can’t help but overshare about their lives at the expense of your comfort, it may feel like a humiliation ritual to always be in their vicinity.
10. Being intentionally ignored
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As social psychology researcher Deming Wang explains, being ignored, even in places like the work office, can often spark self-doubt in us and encourage us to feel unworthy of basic respect, attention, and appreciation. Our humanity is overlooked, and we feel a sense of shame and the pain of social rejection in seriously powerful ways.
So, if you’re being regularly talked over or ignored in the office, there’s a chance it’s deeper than the embarrassment you’re feeling, but the “sting” of rejection in a space where you’re supposed to be respected and seen, no matter what.
11. Feeling punished for setting boundaries
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Especially in workplaces where bosses try to cling to a “we’re like a family” narrative, when you start setting boundaries and protecting your time, it might feel like you’re doing something wrong. Because, at the end of the day, most leaders who rely on this misguided vibe in the office are using it as an excuse to overwork their employees and punish them for not staying late or saying “yes” to things they can’t handle.
While it’s often embarrassing to be punished simply for protecting your peace, being self-aware about the circumstances can allow you to notice the “red flags” in your work culture before they completely derail your life and well-being.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
