Mom Asks If She Should Make Life Harder For Her Kids After Realizing They've Led A Particularly Easy, Sheltered Life
Kindel Media | PexelsEvery parent strives to give their kids a good life, but sometimes that good life can backfire in an unexpected way. One mom recently questioned if she might've made things a little too easy for her kids because they've never had to go without.
At first blush, it doesn't exactly sound like a problem, but what this mom stressed was that sometimes when things are easy, and there's never a struggle, kids don't understand how good they have it. This became clear to her when they began acting a bit spoiled and entitled.
Posting on Reddit, the mom wondered if there was more she could be doing for her kids so they understand that things in life aren't always handed to them.
Mom asked if she should make life harder for her kids after realizing they've led an easy, sheltered life.
"I realize this is going to be very 'first world problems' but this has been a tricky thing to navigate. My husband and I both grew up poor. My family in particular went through some rough times financially, and also my parents are immigrants and didn’t have much English language proficiency and weren’t around much because they were busy working crazy hours, multiple jobs," she began in her Reddit post.
She explained that they live a comfortable, middle-class life. Since her work is more freelance, she's able to be there when it comes time to drop off and pick up her kids from school and drive them to all of their extracurriculars.
FamVeld | Shutterstock
She admitted that her kids have gotten pretty comfortable with the life they live, and while she and her husband have done a good job not spoiling them entirely, she's starting to notice that they aren't that worried about things outside of the bubble they've grown up in.
"I’ve found that because they have such easy comfortable lives, they have not much capacity for dealing with even slight inconveniences. For example, if I’m 5 minutes late to pick them up after school or after a practice, they’ll literally throw me attitude like it’s the worst thing ever," she shared.
She wondered if she should be 'manufacturing hardships' for them.
Continuing in her post, she wrote, "I’ve taken them volunteering, they generally know what’s happening in the world and know there are people way less fortunate, but they themselves live very soft lives. But I guess my question is, should I be manufacturing more hardship? They lead very privileged easy lives. I’ve put them in sports to try and introduce some element of difficulty but is that enough?"
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock
Her main concern is her kids' ability to develop resilience while also being grateful for the life they are living. Experts have long encouraged parents to instill resilience in children and prioritize it over the sole motivation of simply raising a "happy child."
Resilience involves being able to handle what life throws at you and also learning from the experience. The only way kids learn that, however, is by enforcing consequences. Michael G. Wetter, PsyD, an adjunct professor at Pepperdine Graduate School of Education and Psychology, explained, “We all have certain responsibilities in life that aren’t always necessarily our choice, but if we fail to meet those responsibilities, we’re met with a larger consequence.” Essentially, parents need to teach kids that sometimes they have to do things that they don't want to do.
Parents can teach kids to be appreciative through their own actions.
RDNE Stock project | Pexels
It's important for parents to communicate effectively with kids, including talking about feelings. Parents also need to be comfortable with the word "no," which will help them curb the entitlement and frustration when they don't get what they want. It will also get them comfortable with things not being in their control, according to psychologist Mark Travers.
Parents don't have to "manufacture hardships" for their kids, as this mom is wondering. Instead, it's more about allowing them to experience the ups and downs that life will inevitably throw their way. As Wetter explained, “The attitude of entitlement is in many ways an effort to avoid adversity, difficulty, and challenge.”
Stepping back and letting a child fail rather than rushing to pick them up and dust them off is integral to this lesson. But it's also about being there when they do fail and encouraging them to keep going.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
