People With Zero Patience Or Self-Control Usually Learned 7 Unfortunate Lessons As Kids
savageultralight / ShutterstockWhen you see a fully grown adult honking wildly in the fast food line or having a full-blown tantrum at the pharmacy counter, you probably don't stop to think about where their behavior came from. Understanding the reasons for someone's complete lack of patience and self-control doesn't excuse their poor behavior, but it does explain it and help you figure out how to deal with them.
As cliché as it may sound, we are all products of our childhoods. Adults who lash out at others because they can't tolerate their frustration usually learned several lessons when they were just kids that led them to believe that kind of behavior was effective. And even if they know it's wrong now, they have an incredibly difficult time managing things in a more mature way.
If someone has absolutely no patience or self-control, they were probably taught these unfortunate lessons when they were kids
1. Other people should bend their boundaries to accommodate you
Maintaining your boundaries can take a lot of restraint. When you love someone, it’s easy to feel like you need to give more or make sacrifices to please them. You don’t want to lose them, which is fair, but mature people learn to control themselves enough to keep their boundaries in place when someone starts crossing them.
People with no self-control may expect others to respect their boundaries, but they don't believe they should be expected to do the same. Their parents likely allowed them to get away with poor behavior because trying to enforce rules took too much effort, so they learned that if they just push hard enough, many people will do the same. If there’s a problem, they want it solved as soon as possible, even if that means sacrificing someone else's comfort.
2. Prioritize your own needs above those of others
annakraynova via Canva
I haven’t met a kid who is a perfect little angel all the time. Even the best of them have to be taught to share. They have to learn that even if they want to play with a certain toy, they may have to let another kid have a turn first or join in the fun with them.
Kids with no patience don’t learn that lesson. They can’t control themselves enough to wait their turn and probably enjoy getting to do whatever they want whenever they want. Because the adults in their lives either didn't model sharing themselves, they don’t build up their tolerance for waiting their turn and, in the adult world, that comes back to bite them, as kids who don’t learn to share, they don’t always have the best time holding themselves back from being selfish in their relationships and jobs.
3. Always speak your mind
Another toxic lesson people who can't control themselves often learned as kids was that they should always speak their mind. They grew up believing that telling someone off was a good way to stand up for themselves.
While you shouldn’t just let people treat you badly, there's a time and a place to advocate for yourself, as well as ways to do so without being unnecessarily hurtful to anyone else.
People who lack patience or self-control may have had a hard time handling their anger as kids. Their parents or teachers let them say whatever mean comment they thought of as a comeback to someone criticizing them, so they learned that the instant gratification was worth it.
4. Throwing tantrums is an effective way to get what you want
yacobchuk from Getty Images via Canva
All kids throw tantrums, but some kids never learn to stop. They kick and scream or straight up ignore someone when they don’t get their way.
When this kind of behavior ends up working, there's no reason for kids to try doing things a different way. They learn early on that there are no negative consequences, and that in fact, they are usually rewarded for being so difficult, which is one of the more sure-fire ways to reinforce behavior that will last a lifetime. Once they're adults, this becomes a difficult habit to break because they've never seen any reason to change it.
5. You can always talk your way out of things
People who have no patience aren't willing to take the time necessary to do something the right way. They're going to choose whatever option gets them what they want the fastest.
As kids, they likely learned the lessons that it's easier to ask forgiveness than ask for permission. They could go ahead and do whatever they wanted, then convince the adults in charge that they had good reasons or didn't mean to be disobedient.
When they're able to talk their way out of punishments over and over, these kids never learn that their actions can have unwanted consequences. Instead, they learn that they can do whatever they want, even when it's something they're not supposed to be doing. If they get caught, all they have to do is say the right thing and everything will be just fine.
6. Live in the moment
Syda Productions via Canva
People who can't control themselves or be patient with others often struggled to look at the big picture when they were kids. They chose to enjoy the moment they were in and enjoy it in its entirety.
While that can be a good habit to make yourself feel happier, it doesn’t teach a healthy work ethic or effective life planning. Kids who don’t have self-control usually can't push themselves to think through complex issues, like planning their future. By learning to prioritize the moment over everything else, they lose track of the time they should have spent on important things. This habit can lead to them staying up too late, which can cause them to have even more issues the next day.
7. Go with your gut
Impatient people often never learned how to think through decisions before making them. When there’s a problem that needs solving, they go with the first idea they think of. Occasionally, this pays off, and they learn to trust their instincts.
However, more often than not, our first ideas are usually not our best ideas. Going with the first idea they have usually leads these kids into trouble. They don’t have the self-control to hold themselves back, though, and so they tend to keep making reckless decisions. This often leads these kids to take the lesson of going with your gut too far.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
