Two Single Moms Are Now Living Together To Raise Their Kids In A 'Mommune' Without Any Men

In some ways, society has made great strides towards gender equality. There’s still a lot more work to be done, though.

For example, many married women are part of the workforce now and earn about the same amount of money as their husbands. However, they also spend more time caring for their children and home than their husbands do.

The unfairness of it all has some women questioning if it’s worth it to live with a man at all. Two single moms in New York are inspiring others with the unconventional route they took to raise their kids and support each other without the presence of men.

The moms created a ‘mommune’ where they live and care for their children together.

38-year-old Bernie Sinclaire has two sons, ages 9 and 4. She decided to make what once seemed like a somewhat silly youthful dream a reality when she split from the boys’ father. She told TODAY, “I have letters from me and my college roommate about our Barbie Dream House, living together with no men. It’s been a part of something that I wanted for a very long time.”

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Sinclaire approached her friend, 39-year-old Anabelle Gonzalez, with the idea. Gonzalez was in a relationship at the time, so she initially said no. A few months later, Gonzalez and her partner broke up, and she and her 7-year-old daughter moved in with Sinclaire and her kids to give the “mommune” a try.

The two moms had both been the default parents for their kids even when they were in relationships, so they understood how to split responsibilities more equitably than they had before, which proved to be a huge relief. Sinclaire said, “I didn’t feel like I was responsible for another person’s feelings in the same way. I didn’t feel like I had to make sure everyone was happy.”

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Sinclaire wanted to pursue this lifestyle because of her childhood, but there’s historical evidence for the concept of a ‘mommune’ as well.

According to researcher Elena Bridgers, “We have very good evidence that humans evolved to raise children collectively in communities where women were extremely socially close, collaborated on childcare, and protected one another from male domination.”

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Sinclaire said she formed the idea after her own single mom “ended up in this situation where she had to choose between poverty and partnership.” She never wanted to be in that position herself, and also admitted, “I’ve never wanted to live with a man. From my perspective, it is additional labor that is put on the woman, and I feel like that builds resentment in the house.”

In one of the Instagram reels she shared documenting their “mommune” journey, Sinclaire explained that this was not some kind of “temporary” living arrangement for her and Gonzalez, but rather “the kind of lifestyle that works for us.”

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The women get a fair amount of criticism for the choices they’ve made, especially since they’ve been so public with them.

Sinclaire is actually an alias she uses to protect her identity because, as she said, “there are going to be a lot of unhappy boys out there.” Most of the feedback she receives on social media is positive, but there are still naysayers.

Bridgers noted that men and women have different parenting styles that are both good for kids. Research has also proven that engaged fathers who are present in their children’s lives impact everything from their grades to their happiness.

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Sinclaire and Gonzalez insisted this is not an issue, though. “Every child in our home regularly sees their father, and we are blessed because of that,” Sinclaire said.

There are certainly going to be some people with more traditional values who take issue with the “mommune” lifestyle. However, instead of insisting that women like Sincalire and Gonzalez change their lives, perhaps it’s time we insist that men not drive women away in the first place.

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Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.