Working Dad & His ‘Mostly’ Stay-At-Home Wife Debate Who Should Wake Up Early On Weekends To Take Care Of Their Baby
StockPhotoDirectors / ShutterstockA man is facing backlash after asking his wife for a "morning off" from taking care of their newborn baby. In a Reddit post, the man explained that he and his wife welcomed their baby six months ago.
Parenting, especially for an infant, can be really hard. It's a significant adjustment that affects every aspect of your life, including your job, your free time, and your sleep, as these parents are now finding out. One of the most difficult aspects is learning how to divvy up parenting duties so that the running of the house and childcare isn't always the responsibility of just one person.
The new parents agreed to divide baby duties in a way that fits their individual schedules while giving them both time to themselves.
While the man works full-time, his wife is 'mostly' a stay-at-home mother. "She works two half days a week and her sister watches the baby," the man wrote in the post, explaining that he works full-time on top of attending school once a week.
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He says that he and his wife worked out an arrangement "where she takes care of the household duties" and he "supports her monetarily." However, on the weekends, the two of them make sure to split baby duty so that each of them can enjoy their own alone time "to do whatever we want."
"Since my wife breastfeeds, she's always taken care of the baby full-time overnight," the man wrote. Unlike his wife, who claims to have insomnia and is a light sleeper, he is a "deep sleeper" and often doesn't wake when their baby starts crying.
Their infant's sleep schedule has changed, making their weekend arrangement trickier.
While this arrangement appears to have worked for them thus far, the man noted that as of late, their newborn "has hit a bit of a sleep regression, waking up every two hours."
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Since his wife has to constantly wake up when their baby cries, she asked her husband if he could take over on weekend mornings to allow her to catch up on some sleep. She suggested that he wake up at 7 a.m. when their baby typically wakes up, and spend an hour with her while she sleeps. The man countered, though, that he "wants to be the one that gets to sleep an extra hour."
"I brought this up to her and she says while she's happy to let me nap during the day, she really needs that hour [because] she can't nap like I can," he explained. It wasn't long before the two got into an argument about it.
His wife told him that he was being "insensitive" about her needs and that she is exhausted from having to get up with the baby, especially since she has trouble falling back asleep and isn't the kind of person who can take naps during the day.
"But I'm exhausted too, work wears me out, and school days are long... and I sometimes want the hour in the morning," he wrote. "I don't want to spend my off time napping, I want to play video games and chill out."
Splitting responsibilities can be a point of contention for many new parents.
When babies have yet to sleep through the night, determining which parent should essentially volunteer to be sleep-deprived isn't always easy. Every family is different, so there is no universally 'right' way to split responsibilities; however, many people in the comments noted that in this case, there is not necessarily a wrong way.
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"Your wife is the default parent [five] days a week and exclusively takes on overnight duty. So you want her to be up all night with the baby AND be the one that has to wake up with her every single day?" one person wrote. "Get a grip and be a better partner and parent."
"If she's taking the night duty because you don't wake up, then you get the morning duty when you do wake up so she can catch up on her lost sleep in the night," one person advised, while another suggested giving the mom a night off if he wanted a morning off.
While their arrangement may have worked for a while, parents should make it a point to check in with each other and make adjustments as needed. As Linda Murray, a national spokesperson on pregnancy, parenting, and maternal health issues, wrote for BabyCenter, parents must work together not only when it comes to creating a division of labor that works for them but also in communicating when that particular division needs adjustment.
Parents do need sleep as well as free time to tend to themselves, even if that time only consists of playing video games. But they must also tend to their relationships and be mindful of not shirking responsibilities. In the end, parents are on the same team, and to be successful, they need to communicate and work together.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
