If Your Parents Protected You From 11 Harsh Realities, They Did An Exceptional Job Raising You
melissamn | ShutterstockThe best parents provide unwavering love and support to their children. They act as teachers and guardians, helping and uplifting their kids during critical moments. Parents who do a truly exceptional job raising kids let them fail, but protect them from the harshest realities of adult life.
Parenting can be tough, but if your parents successfully navigated these painful lessons so you wouldn't have to experience them, you were truly so lucky.
If your parents protected you from 11 harsh realities, they did an exceptional job raising you
1. Dangerous social environments
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Setting boundaries is one of the most important ways parents demonstrate their love, even though the kids might act like they hate it. These days, parents help protect their kids from dangerous environments by limiting access to the internet and monitoring what they see, at least in part.
For millennials and Gen Z, having parents who kept an eye on your screen time was probably annoying, but they likely saved you from a lot of heartbreak. There are so many predators, weirdos and fraudsters just looking for kids to fall for their tricks, and many people have lost children to the suffering this causes, both online and from traditional bad influences and exploitative adults.
If you are Generation X or a baby boomer, you probably needed extra protection from these type of people in the real world. They looked for vulnerable kids and teens, those with very little supervision, and drew them into dangerous social environments. While some people this age may long for a by-gone era and their feral Gen X childhood, many who didn't have this protection from these harsh realities look back and wish they did.
2. Parental fights and adult drama
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When your parents did everything they could to ensure you had a happy childhood, they wanted you to enjoy being a kid without the weight of their problems. They protected you from adult conflicts that were beyond your ability to understand and never talked bad about the other parent in front of you (or where you might catch wind of it).
Research has shown time and again that parents who regularly fight (not just disagree, but truly fight) in front of their kids do serious damage that often follows their children into adulthood.
Your parents navigated marital conflicts privately, ensuring you didn’t feel responsible for their emotions. They didn't get you wrapped up in their friend drama or squabbles with extended family, either, letting you stay an innocent child as long as they could.
When they encountered financial difficulties, they kept it to themselves, preventing their stress from negatively affecting you. Their commitment to maintaining boundaries helped you feel safe in their care.
3. Long-term, avoidable health problems
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Your parents were deeply attuned to your needs, both physical and emotional. They fulfilled provided food, shelter, and clothing, but they didn’t stop there. They also shielded you from potential health issues as much as possible. They took you for an annual check-up and scheduled appointments with specialists. They took you to the dentist and ensured you were brushing thoroughly.
By consistently paying attention to your health, your parents demonstrated the value of preventive care. They taught you to listen to your body and advocate for yourself when interacting with medical professionals. While they couldn’t always protect you from strep throat or the stomach bug that disrupted your school, your parents gave you the gift of proper self-care, which you can carry throughout your life.
4. The pressure to be academically perfect
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Some parents expect their kids to sharpen their competitive edges and perform perfectly in school, but your parents protected you by letting you know that you don't have to be perfect. They encouraged you to embrace education by focusing on your effort and dedication rather than just your GPA, which likely reduced your overall academic anxiety.
Your parents understood that pressuring you to achieve straight A's would increase your anxiety and hinder your ability to learn. They protected you from unnecessary academic stress by encouraging you to view school as a space to expand your intellect, challenge your expectations, and better understand the world around you.
According to Intuitive creativity coach Kathryn Brown Ramsperger, “A student committed to a lifetime of learning is a welcome addition to any classroom. They don't worry if they don't know an answer or have to ask a question because they know there is always more to learn.”
“Persistence, creativity, and compassion lead to empowerment and success, not only in school but in life,” Ramsperger concluded.
5. Bullies and abusers
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As much as your parents wanted to put you in a bubble and lock you inside for 18 years, they recognized that being overprotective would prevent you from becoming the person you were meant to be. Knowing that bullying can be traumatic, leaving emotional scars that last a lifetime, they provided protection whenever needed but also knew when to step back and let you figure things out independently.
Your parents shielded you from being bullied, not by inserting themselves into your social life but by teaching you social and emotional skills so you knew when to stand up for yourself and when to seek adult support. They also gave you the language you needed to describe your experience, so you could talk through whether you needed help solving the problem or if you needed them to intervene.
It's not always the intervention that helps protect kids, it's knowing they can tell their parents anything that is protective, too. When they don't have to keep secrets, they feel empowered to say "no" when something feels off, and that their parents will support that decision. And that is one of the most protective gifts a parent can give their child.
6. Becoming a victim of your own emotions
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When parents cannot regulate their emotions, they can inadvertently pass that onto their children, whether they realize it or not. So, if your parents allowed you to be emotionally mature instead of protecting you from challenges.
From a young age, your parents allowed you to process your emotions without fear of judgment or ridicule. They modeled emotional intelligence by teaching you how to identify and express your feelings in healthy ways. Rather than pushing painful emotions aside, you learned that fully experiencing them was the best way to move beyond them.
Your parents understood something many other parents overlooked: shielding you from emotional turmoil doesn’t involve removing every obstacle. Instead, it meant allowing you to confront the challenging parts while providing the safety net of a parent who loves you and is available to share advice.
7. Toxic friendships
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Making friends is an important skill kids learn by doing, not just hearing about. But kids don’t automatically choose healthy friendships, and that is an important lesson in and of itself.
If your parents shielded you from getting in too deep with toxic friends, they did an exceptional job raising you. They reinforced the importance of being empathic and understanding, which helped you find genuine friends, but they also taught you about boundaries and that you don't have to put up with mistreatment, even from your friends.
When kids understand that they’re inherently worthy, they can show up for themselves and build friendships that revolve around mutual respect and love. Yes, you may have had to have been burned once or twice by fake friends, but your parents made sure you didn't have far to fall when the heartbreak happened.
8. Unrealistic pressure and expectations
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If your parents shielded you from unrealistic expectations, they gave you an incredible gift. More often than not, our world demands perfection, even though being human means being flawed.
Your parents were likely well aware of the emotional damage that perfectionism can inflict and how it can cause problems well into adulthood. They helped you understand that your worth is not tied to productivity or achieving perfect results. That's how you learned that healthy love is not conditional upon achievement.
This is often expressed in high expectations for grades, but it takes many other forms, like athletic performance, tidiness, following small and unimportant rules and other expectations that simply don't matter if a kid isn't happy. Sometimes it's even about purity, expecting a child to behave in a way they find culturally acceptable, especially within religion.
In contrast, if your parents celebrated your victories, large and small while they made it acceptable for you to fail, they were exceptional.
9. Unnecessary mental health challenges
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Your parents did everything they could to make you feel safe. They believed in open, honest communication and clarified that you could talk to them about anything without facing punishment or criticism. No topic was too shameful or too difficult to discuss. Their unconditional support protected you from having to confront mental health struggles alone.
While even the best parents can't fully shield their kids from mental health struggles, there are ways to set kids up for emotional stability and resilience. First, by teaching them it's OK to ask for support when needed from friends, family and even mental health professionals.
In addition, they were attentive enough to recognize the signs of anxiety or depression, or any other struggles that popped up academically or emotionally. They wasted no time in securing the professional support you needed and practiced tools with you so you knew how to handle big feelings when they arose. They didn't shield you from sources of anxiety, but rather helped you navigate it together.
Parents can’t shield children from every psychological struggle, but by validating their most difficult emotions and helping them find solutions, they show them that it’s okay to be exactly who they are.
10. Low self-esteem
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If your parents shielded you from having low self-worth, they did a great job raising you. They were affirming and affectionate, providing a stable foundation for you to grow into yourself. They celebrated you in your entirety, teaching you to accept your flaws and see yourself in a positive light.
Your parents’ love was a powerful force lodged deep in your soul, echoing out, allowing you to see how amazing you are.
11. Debilitating fear of failure
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Kids are often raised with a profound fear of failure that inhibits their personal growth. Because they’re so scared of failure, they avoid learning new things. They stay well within their comfort zone, eventually stalling out and stagnating. They lack the resilience to face life’s inevitable hardships.
Your parents knew that certain hardships were unavoidable, so they taught you how to handle failure gracefully and self-compassion. They contributed to your resilience by modeling accountability and admitting when they failed.
“One of the most powerful gifts you can give your child is an admission that you made a mistake,” therapist and relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman shared.
When your parents messed up, which all parents are bound to do, they offered you a whole-hearted apology. According to Dr. Gottman, when parents say sorry, it shows they respect their kids’ emotions and teaches them how to repair an emotional rupture,
Every time your parents owned up to their mistakes, they reinforced an invaluable life lesson: It’s okay to do things wrong.
As Dr. Gottman explained, “That feeling of unconditional love, of being able to repair negative interactions, of being mindful of your own emotions and those around you— that’s a wonderful foundation upon which any child, with their parent’s guidance, can build a fulfilling and successful life.”
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
