Your Parents Were More Likely To Be Stressed & Depressed During A Very Specific Part Of Your Childhood
Karola G | CanvaMiddle school may have been rough on your parents, too.
Though you probably feel entirely justified in thinking your early 20s or middle age are the hardest parts of life, research suggests one very specific part of childhood may be even harder on parents: the middle school years. A study from Arizona State University found that mothers of kids ages 12 to 14 reported more stress and depression than mothers of children in other stages, including mothers of infants. So, if you were a mess during those awkward years, there's at least a little science behind why everyone in the house may have been struggling.
Your parents were probably the most stressed during this surprisingly awkward part of your childhood
The study, conducted by Arizona State University and published in Developmental Psychology, followed more than 2,200 educated mothers and their children, ranging in age from infancy to adulthood. The study evaluated the parents' well-being, parenting skills, and overall feelings toward their children.
Researchers found that parents of middle-school-aged kids, ages 12 to 14, fared the worst when it came to parenting. Parents of teens were the most stressed and/or depressed, and in fact, mothers of infants even had better overall well-being.
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Middle school is hard because kids need more than physical care
The hypothesis here is simple: caring for infants and toddlers is physically exhausting, but when the needs you have to meet shift from solely physical to mental and emotional, it really begins to take a toll. "As the kids approach puberty, the challenges of parenting are far more complex, and the stakes of 'things going wrong' are far greater," retired ASU professor Suniya Luthar said.
There are so many reasons why middle school is the ultimate struggle: your hormones are raging from puberty, you're beginning to become aware of social status, your concept of "self" is beginning to form, and the pressure to perform at school (both academically and otherwise) begins to intensify, and of course, you're experiencing your first bouts of independence. And without an equal measure of discretion, it can lead to some unwise choices.
Parents can't fix middle school problems the way they fixed little-kid problems
"Moms are essentially the 'first responders' to the children's distress, and now they must figure out how best to offer comfort and reassurance, as the old ways [like] hugs, loving words, and bedtime stories no longer work," Luthar continued.
Essentially, this means that middle school is the most difficult time for parents because they're most challenged to respond to their children's real-life problems.
And as we all know, real-life problems are not ones they can distract from with the promise of an ice pop or another half-hour of TV. So, while life is bound to be hard at times, it seems some transitions are better than others.
Perhaps our inability to cope is more an issue of not being taught how, rather than just a lack of ability. But hey, we're grateful for everything our parents did; if they gave us everything, we'd never learn for ourselves.
Brianna Wiest is a writer, editor, author, and regular contributor to publications such as Huffington Post, Forbes, Teen Vogue, Thought Catalog, and many others. She's the author of 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think, and other collections of poetry and prose.
