Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X & Boomers Have Completely Different Ideas Of What It Means To Be A Good Friend
Just Life | ShutterstockBeing a good friend can mean something different to Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, and Boomers.
Friendship is one of the most important parts of living a happy, supported life. While romantic relationships often get the most attention, friendships deserve just as much care because good friends can increase happiness, lower stress, and help people feel supported through hard times. But as a member of Gen Z, I've noticed a lot of online debate about what actually makes someone a good friend. Gen Z may care more about boundaries and self-care, while Millennials, Gen X, and Boomers may have different expectations about loyalty, communication, and showing up. Here are the biggest ways each generation's idea of being a good friend can differ.
What Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, and Boomers actually think makes someone a good friend:
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For Gen Z, being a good friend often means respecting boundaries
One major difference I've noticed is the way Gen Z talks about friendship compared to older generations. Many people my age believe that boundaries are important in friendships. This may come from more young people using therapy language online, but it raises a fair question: are people protecting their friendships, or pulling away from them?
Social media is also a major factor in friendships. For example, I have met people who believe that being a good friend is simply liking Instagram posts. On the other hand, I have friends who rarely check social media, and then their friends get mad when they don't see their most recent post.
This version of friendship, in my opinion, can become unhealthy when people use boundaries as a reason to stop showing up for one another. A good friendship should last outside of social media. Also, social media creates a very competitive culture within friendships that leads to a decline in mental health.
My grandmother once told me that friendship is a two-way street, and I completely agree. However, many Gen Z people don't believe this. They believe they should prioritize themselves, even if this means not going out of their way for their friends. There's still something valuable about picking your friend up at the airport, helping when life gets hard, and making time even when it is inconvenient. To have a village, you still have to be part of someone else's.
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For Millennials, being a good friend usually means staying close without burning out
Although I'm not a millennial (1981-1996), I do know quite a few of them. I've noticed that Millennials have many of the same struggles Gen Z does when it comes to friendship, especially around boundaries and self-care. Some millennials even say that they are only friends with older generations because they find them more reliable.
Millennials are noticing that friends their age take days to respond to them and don't pick up when they call. According to a 2019 YouGov poll, "Millennials are…more likely than older generations to report that they have no acquaintances (25% of Millennials say this is the case), no friends (22%), no close friends (27%), and no best friends (30%)."
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For Gen X, being a good friend means being the person who actually shows up
Gen X often seems to view friendship a little differently from younger generations. The need for friendship stays the same, but it shows up in different ways. In this blog post by Unapologetically X, author Kasie Whitener says she believes Gen X relies on their friendships more than younger generations do, especially when they were young adults. For example, she says that after high school, she did not have a relationship with her parents, but her friends were there for her.
Although this is not true of every single member of Gen X, I have found that most Gen Xers I talk to share this experience. They feel that even though they were close with their parents, they did not rely on them as much as younger generations do; instead, they relied on their friends.
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For Boomers, being a good friend often means making time in real life
According to Pew Research Center, 76 million births occurred in the U.S. from 1946 to 1964, the Baby Boom years. People in this generation have reported feeling more social than younger people, especially because they grew up without cell phones and social media.
Ted Rubin wrote in an article that boomers learned the basics early, and younger generations lack the social skills required to make friends. Because there were no cell phones or social media, not everything was filmed, and hanging out with friends may have felt less performative. Most boomers I know agree with Rubin and find that, although it was harder to stay in touch with their friends because there were no cellphones, the quality of their friendships was higher than it is for younger generations now.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
