If A Man Often Gives His Wife 9 Backhanded Compliments, He's Probably Not A Very Good Person
MAYA LAB | ShutterstockIt's not always easy to communicate openly and honestly in relationships. But that's why it's so important. When we challenge ourselves with vulnerability and honest, hard conversations, we grow as people and in relationships.
However, people who can't grow into this kind of maturity use passive-aggressiveness and weaponized incompetence to their advantage. And when a man, specifically, gives his wife backhanded compliments, disguising them as genuine praise, he's probably not a very mature or good person.
A man is not a good person if he gives his wife these backhanded compliments
1. 'I like this, it's better for your body type'
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The concept of flattering and well-fitting clothing is already inherently flawed, and usually also incredibly discriminator. Everyone's idea of what looks good is different, and if a man is using a phrase like this to coax his wife out of wearing something she enjoys, he's urging her to dress for his validation and attention.
The best people celebrate what their partners want to put on their bodies and what they feel confident in. They don't give backhanded compliments about the size or look of anyone's bodies, even if their immature, ignorant counterparts can't help it.
2. 'I'm impressed you managed to get ready'
Any time a man is commenting on his partner's appearance or style, it's usually a sign of a deeper problem. Yes, compliments are great. But when they're tailored in this way, where it feels like a man is really saying, "You don't get ready, and I resent you for it," they're hurtful.
Considering that most women handle all kinds of emotional and invisible labor already without much support from their male partners, these kinds of comments can be incredibly belittling and invalidating.
3. 'You're a much better wife now'
When a husband says, "You're so much better now," they're also alluding to a time when things weren't clicking, or they didn't enjoy their wife's company. They're basically revealing that at some point, their wife fell short of their standards and expectations, and they never brought it up.
Not only is a phrase like this hurtful, but it can spark all kinds of insecurity and trust issues for women. They don't feel like they've been told the truth, and that feeling of deceit lingers.
4. 'I'm surprised you did that so well'
Phrases like this one are unsuspecting in casual conversations, but the invalidating and demeaning aura that lives underneath the words still lingers. When a man says, "I'm surprised you did that well," he might be complimenting a wife's work or outcomes, but he's also saying, "I didn't expect you to do that well."
He's revealing just how poorly he actually thinks of his wife, but clearly doesn't have the maturity or emotional intelligence to work through those issues in a healthy way.
5. 'You look great for your age'
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So many women experience a seriously harmful double standard around aging. Men are more respected as they get older, and allowed socially to age however they want. Women are criticized for aging naturally and are constantly pressured into the belief that youthfulness equates to beauty.
With strangers and on the internet, you'll often hear these kinds of comments and a general aura of ignorance around women's aging process. However, in a romantic relationship with someone who's supposed to love you for who you are on the inside and empower you to be your best self, you should never hear a backhanded compliment like this.
6. 'I like you better when you don't act like this'
The worst partners weaponize their love and affection for control. They use backhanded compliments like this to invalidate their partner's feelings and to control them into acting a certain way, even when it comes at the expense of their health and well-being.
For immature, insecure men, you'll hear comments like this when their wives call out their behavior or express their concerns openly. Instead of respecting the boundary and taking accountability for their misbehavior, they make their wives feel like they're doing something wrong for standing up for themselves.
7. 'You're lucky I don't care about looks'
Even when subtle, the negative comparisons and judgments of a backhanded compliment will always override the flattery they're covered with. So, when an insecure man says something like, "You're lucky I don't care about looks," what they're really saying is, "You look bad" or "I don't find you attractive."
They can't cope with their own weird expectations or act with vulnerability. So, instead, they hide behind demeaning phrases and invalidating comments when they can.
8. 'Wow, this never happens'
Instead of celebrating their partner or being appreciative when they do something kind, the worst kinds of husbands instead offer backhanded compliments like this one. They're always operating from a place of insecurity, so even when their wives are right about something or doing a good deed, they still become cruel.
Although it's disguised by seemingly kind compliments on the surface or sarcasm like this, it's still hurtful.
9. 'You're a good wife, even when you don't always clean'
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When someone is passive-aggressive or hides their true feelings behind backhanded compliments or humor, they're only prolonging bigger arguments and resentment. This kind of statement might come across as kind and compassionate for the first half, but in the end, these men are chalking their relationship up to misguided roles and responsibilities.
They're making their wives feel like they have to earn love through traditional gender norms, instead of being able to ask for help and have bad days.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
