If Your New Relationship Is Going Well, These 9 Things Will Feel Different
Nomad_Soul | ShutterstockWhen you're in a new relationship, it can be easy to ignore signs that it's not the right one for you. It's only down the road, when the relationship is on its last leg that we can see those signs.
Instead of waiting, watch for the things that feel different with this new person. Because, if your relationship is going well, it will feel better in a few unique ways.
If your new relationship is going well, these 9 things will feel different
1. You'll feel totally like yourself
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Psychologist Kayla Steele explains that comfort is necessary in order to develop strong healthy relationships.
“To be comfortable in a relationship suggests that you have developed a level of attachment security, which is essential for your physical and emotional wellbeing,” Steele explained.
Comfort manifests in a variety of ways, especially in new relationships, from increased vulnerability to feeling sleepy in their presence. When people make you feel safe and loved, it opens up new emotions that often lead to a strong and honest foundation. In this security, true and authentic growth can finally happen.
2. You don't feel anxious about the relationship
We all get butterflies, especially in new relationships, but what happens when they start to dull? The more you see each other and bond, the less anxious you become allowing you to open up in ways that you might’ve previously found difficult.
The slight fear and anxiety during the first few dates start to go away (at least in a healthy relationship) and we grow more comfortable and confident. That’s not a bad thing, despite discourse about boring relationships and the need for excitement. Despite how easy it is to confuse relationship anxiety with excitement and even love, they are very different.
“There’s a difference between a peaceful relationship and a boring relationship,” says podcaster and influencer Bandon Edelman, known online as @bran_flakezz. “You can be in a healthy relationship and still feel excited… if you're feeling bored that’s a different story.”
3. Your partner easily understands what you're saying
If you've ever been in a relationship with someone where you feel like you're always saying the wrong thing, or like you aren't saying things the right way for them to understand, you know how incredibly stressful it can be.
If it gets bad, you may wonder if you're bad at talking or if the other person is being purposefully obtuse. And maybe some of that is true. Or, maybe you're just a bad match when it comes to communication. Regardless of why, you simply cannot let yourself be trusting and vulnerable when your partner doesn't understand what you're trying to say, especially when you're making yourself vulnerable.
Vulnerability can take many forms in a new relationship, especially between two different partners. Marriage therapist Saba Harouni Lurie generally categorizes it as “sharing all parts of yourself with your partner,” without fear of criticism or judgment.
It can be scary to open up, but if you find it easier than normal to do with a partner, it’s likely a sign that this relationship is going well, and hopefully will continue to do so. The more they know about you and the more honest you can be with each other, the better the foundation for your future relationship.
4. Neither of you are in a rush or overly hesitant
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So many of us approach relationships with a preconceived fear that can cause us to either rush into getting serious or that causes us to put on the brakes as we start feeling deeper emotions. When your new relationship is going well, you'll often find that the pace flows naturally. You're not desperate to "lock it down" or to protect your heart or sabotage things.
This natural-feeling pace is part of the inner peace that comes with finding a healthy, well-matched partner. If you've only been in chaos before, it may feel weird or like something is missing, but if you can step back and look more objectively, you may find that what is "weird" is simply that there's very little chaos or drama.
5. Both of you initiate plans and start conversations.
For many people, relationships end because of a disconnect between partners. When you stop responding, putting in effort, and planning dates, things start fizzling. Sometimes, one person disconnects first. But when your new relationship is going well, you'll be equally invested in keeping it going.
“Dating is about reciprocity,” dating coach Sabrina Zohar shares. “There are going to be a lot of people, especially emotionally unavailable people, that will not initiate things but they will receive them… Distance creates desire. Step back and let the other person take the reins.”
If you’re feeling a healthy balance between your partner and yourself, whether it be in communication, making plans, or initiating intimate moments, chances are you’re in a healthy relationship. The longer you can prioritize this kind of partnership, the longer your relationship will last.
6. Your relationship doesn't swallow up your whole life
While a new relationship might seem like the center of your universe, it shouldn’t be your entire life. Couples that are able to spend quality time together and still maintain other healthy friendships, work lives, or family connections will be the most sustainable over time.
So, if you find yourself needing to be around your partner all the time to feel secure, you might want to give its longevity a second thought. This could also be something coming from inside of you, an insecurity or fear that you need to work through on your own.
You should never feel dependent on your partner or vice versa, aside from the ways in which you slowly become more interdependent in healthy ways. Even then, you're still you and you're happy to let your partner be who they are, too.
7. You're both equally attracted to one another
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Of course, attraction is important on a variety of levels. Physically as well as emotionally, you need to feel a draw to one another, a drive to be close and to stay close. This has very little to do with beauty or a strong physique and a lot to do with factors that are hard to define like pheromones and compatibility.
While physicality might be the most superficial aspect of attraction, feeling desired is a foundational aspect of healthy relationships. Along with that, greater intimacy and physical connection tend to bolster healthier emotional ones down the road. So, if your new relationship features a lot of mutual attraction, you're probably on the right track.
8. You love having them with your friends and trusted family
Yes, there are exceptions to this rule (like if your parents are overly negative or bigoted, for example) but when you're with someone who is right for you, you'll want them to spend time with the people you love. Even if they're very different from your group, they will fit in in the ways that matter most, especially relating to values and how you deserve to be treated.
Yes, there may be conflict between your partner and someone in your life from time-to-time. Not all people get along, after all. But those times are few and far-between. Most of the time, it's wonderful to have everyone together in relationships that are going well.
9. You're proud of who you are when you're with them
Most of us who've been in unhealthy or toxic relationships can attest to the fact that, even in the beginning, there's a creeping feeling of shame. It can be about your body or appearance, your family, your job or hobbies; anything that is part of who you are.
Yes, we all have things we're not proud of, like mistakes in the past or bad habits. But, when your relationship is going well, the things that feel essential to who you are, the things you enjoy, will feel good. At your core, you'll feel proud of who you are and your new partner will feel proud to be with you.
This isn't about being arrogant, it's a simple sort of pride that comes from self-acceptance. Anything else is just too much of a compromise to who you are.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango focusing on pop culture analysis and human interest stories.
