11 Manipulative Phrases Men Use To Make You Think The Problem Is You
Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels via CanvaUnfortunately, we have all known a man who used manipulative phrases. They want to make you feel bad for their behavior in order to get negative attention off of them and make you think you’re the real problem.
Manipulative people want you to see the situation differently. Instead of knowing your worth and choosing to leave them when they treat you poorly, they want you to think you’re to blame. In fact, they are determined to make you feel sorry for their actions and beg for their forgiveness. If you notice a man saying these phrases to you often, run. It’s a sign they are trying to manipulate you.
Here are 11 manipulative phrases men use to make you think the problem is you
1. ‘You are always overreacting’
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In relationships, we need our feelings to be validated. Open and honest conversation is the foundation of a healthy partnership. Some men don’t take this seriously. Sharing our feelings can backfire. When our partner accuses us of overreacting, they aren’t taking our feelings seriously. If someone is manipulative, they may say this phrase frequently. Instead of listening to your concerns, they shut down and shift the blame away from themselves.
Manipulation is serious and can be damaging to a woman’s mental health. When a man throws around this phrase, he wants his partner to believe her feelings are irrational. In reality, his behavior was unacceptable, and he has not taken accountability. Emotional invalidation is unhealthy in a relationship.
2. ‘That never happened’
A manipulative man may try to get the attention off of himself by convincing you that you’re imagining things. It can be scary how easily a manipulative person can try to change the story. A situation that certainly happened can be changed to fit their agenda, which is to make you feel like you were imagining things. They can't be held accountable if nothing happened. We may assume we'd be immune to this, but it can happen to anyone. At times, they may be successful, and you’ll find yourself second-guessing yourself.
This is an example of gaslighting. By breaking you down mentally, he thinks he can have full control of you. If he is successful, when he says things like 'That never happened,' you might believe him.
3. ‘You’re crazy’
How many times have you heard a man claim their ex was crazy? The breakup was all her fault, and her behavior was out of control throughout their time together. This is a pretty standard conversation you’ll have with a manipulative man. It's easy for him to call anyone crazy or irrational because it makes him look better. It's fine until you end up on the other side of it. He starts accusing you of being crazy, and the cycle continues.
Describing someone as crazy is not only hurtful, but it’s downright wrong. Manipulative men typically have no problem saying this because they think it will get them what they want. They are looking to do anything that shifts the blame from themselves to the woman in their life.
4. ‘Everyone agrees with me’
Men may be able to convince you that you’re the problem by weaponizing the other people in your life against you. It can be easy for them to claim your friends and family are on their side. It can be believable if he is close to your loved ones after spending time with them through your relationship. By saying everyone agrees with him, the issue must be with you. It’s a clear sign of manipulation. His end goal may not only be to convince you that you're the problem, but also to alienate you from the other people in your life.
Convincing you that you’re the problem is what means most to a manipulative man. They have zero plans to take accountability for their actions in the future. Instead, they'll continue to convince you that everything you do is wrong, and the people in your life agree with them.
5. ‘You need to learn how to take a joke’
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Let’s face it, not all jokes are funny. With a manipulative man, they can be insults masked by laughter. Whether they admit it or not, a man like this hides nuggets of truth in the ‘jokes’ he makes. When their words leave wounds, they may try to flip it on you, claiming you need to learn how to take a joke. However, their goal may have been to hurt your feelings from the beginning.
Manipulative people may struggle to understand the true emotions they’re holding back. They claim you need to learn how to take a joke, but really, they need to unpack what’s going on under the surface of their ‘jokes'’ Clearly, there is a reason why they are trying to manipulate the women in their lives.
6. ‘You’re too sensitive’
We’ve been convinced that sensitivity is a negative trait. For some reason, being in touch with our emotions is seen as weak, and in some relationships, as a problem. Manipulative men may want to break you off from the connection you hold with your feelings. What they see as sensitivity may be serious issues you want to work through with them. It might be easier for them to make it a problem and convince you that it’s your fault than to talk through these complicated emotions that are clearly impacting the relationship. They’ll paint you as being sensitive and hope the conversation ends there.
In reality, sensitivity is a strength. It allows us to sympathize and connect with others. For manipulative men, it can seem like a threat. They might use this phrase with the intention of offending.
7. ‘You always do this’
Placing blame comes easily for a manipulative man. Using phrases like ‘You always do this’ shows that he doesn’t care about solving issues. He’s quick to blow off problems, blaming everything on his partner. He might try to make her feel like she’s in a constant cycle of disappointing him. Over and over again, she is hurting him, and as a result, their relationship. In reality, this is far from the truth. He is more focused on taking the blame off himself than preserving a happy relationship.
If you’re dealing with a manipulative man, this phrase will have you second-guessing yourself. Instead of having a clear head, you’ve been convinced that you are to blame. They’ll say you always do the same wrong thing to make you think you are the problem.
8. ‘I’m always the bad guy’
Toxic people are self-centered. However, when they do something wrong, they seem to forget how their behavior affects those around them. Telling them what they did to hurt you can be a risk. It’s not surprising that they often try to escape taking responsibility. Using manipulative phrases like, I’m always the bad guy’ may be a way to try to convince you that you’re the problem.
With this phrase, they are trying to garner sympathy. It can make you wonder if you are the problem. You probably care deeply for this person, and this comment can make you feel sympathy for them. Now, they’ve found a way to wiggle out of the conversation and convince you that you’re at the root of your problem. You always blame him; he’s always the bad guy, and that’s the real issue in his world.
9. ‘You made me do this’
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Using a phrase like this is a classic example of blame-shifting. Clearly, the man who says this knows he did something wrong. He’s not trying to talk her out of it, but instead, wants to shift the blame to her. It was her behavior that caused him to act poorly. She was the reason he couldn’t keep his cool. If she had changed her attitude, things would be different.
We all know this isn't true. Shifting the blame does nothing but make the other person look bad. The truth is, we are the only ones capable of controlling our behavior. A man who says this is trying to wiggle his way out of accountability and is trying to take his partner down instead.
10. ‘I guess you don’t really love me’
Manipulative men often use the word love to their advantage. When someone loves deeply, they take it seriously. When a man wants something to go his way, he may throw around the phrase, ‘I guess you don’t really love me.’ He’s challenging her to prove her love to him by doing whatever he asks, even if it is something she’s against or unwilling to do. Sadly, this can work on women and convince them they are the problem. They may think they don’t love their partner enough, and will do anything they can to prove it.
Women interpret men differently from how men do. One study found that they may experience love more often and more intensely. Hijacking the word love may be a way for manipulative men to think they can get whatever they want from the woman in their life, which can be deeply damaging to their mental health and the relationship.
11. 'Let it go'
No matter how hard we try to maintain a perfect relationship, bad things will happen. Our feelings will get hurt by the person that we love. What matters most is how you work through those issues. Clear, healthy communication makes all the difference. If the man in your life refuses to talk through what hurts you and instead insists you should let it go, it’s a sign that they might be manipulative.
When these feelings come up, all we want is a genuine apology. A man who expects you to move on and forget about it without working through anything doesn’t want to take responsibility. Instead, he might try to convince you that you’re the problem. If you’d just let go of it, everything would be fine. The truth is, that’s putting a band-aid over the problem rather than finding a true solution.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
