People With True Compassion & Love For Each Other Usually Say 9 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Ivan Nadaski | CanvaAs a couples therapist, I have heard from many people over the years about the casual phrases they long to hear from their partners. Most of us lead fast-paced lives with careers, children, social obligations, and other activities.
Sometimes, in all of that busyness, we fail to deliver the words our spouses need to experience true compassion and love in the relationship. To keep a relationship strong, we need to help our partners feel seen and valued in addition to feeling connected. Here are a few phrases to say to do just that.
People with true compassion and love for each other usually say these things casually:
1. 'Please tell me how you are doing'
Regularly checking in with each other is a practice that encourages compassion and love. It lets your partner know you care about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It signals you are not taking them for granted and they matter to you.
2. 'Tell me more about that'
I’ve come to believe the casual phrase 'tell me more' is a relationship's three most powerful words. Saying them signals a deep capacity to listen as your partner opens up and shares more. By showing interest in the deeper meaning of their words, you are giving them the gift of your time and presence.
3. 'How can I help you?'
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock
Life can be fraught with stress, and sometimes we all need help. Depending on the lessons you learned about needing help as a child in your family, asking for it can be challenging. A partner with true compassion and love knows to ask and not assume everything is under control. The help might be as simple as taking the dry cleaning in, giving your partner some time alone, or offering a hug.
4. 'I appreciate what you do for me/us'
In couples therapy, the subject of not feeling appreciated is a topic that commonly arises. You cannot possibly overdo the expression of your gratitude to one another. Make a point to share your appreciation often and specifically. Do not assume your spouse knows you notice the things they do — tell them. Be sure to include what it means to you and how it makes you feel.
5. 'I love seeing you happy. What can I do to help you feel even happier?'
Sharing in your partner's wins is an important part of having true love in your relationship. All of us want to know our partner is our biggest fan. When you share in the joy, you are creating an essential connection. Asking how you can enhance happiness helps you focus your efforts in meaningful ways, showing your partner how important they are to you.
6. 'When can we spend some time together?'
La Famiglia via Shutterstock
A study on work separation demands and spousal well-being helps us understand that when we miss our partner, we are operating from a place of deprivation, which can lead to frustration, criticism, and bickering. Our tanks are empty, and we need to reconnect with compassion and love.
Rather than complaining, a simple request to spend some time together may help the two of you to find each other again. This may look like sitting down for a talk, going on a walk together, playing a game, or making love. All relationships need quality time together to thrive.
7. 'My life is better because of you and here’s why'
In the beginning, we partner up because we have the sense our lives will be better with our beloved than alone. Over time, we may begin to wonder if we’re making much of a difference in the other’s life. By saying this casual phrase to our partner, we are reassuring and encouraging them. Being specific helps them reflect on the many things they do and the positive impact they have.
8. 'I’m proud of you and your achievements'
Recognizing your partner's accomplishments, big and small, reinforces their sense of pride and self-worth. You are communicating with true compassion and love that you see them. Often, the time and energy we devote to our achievements can conflict with the demands of the marriage. Research on spousal support and marital satisfaction shows that having our partners express pride in us affirms our worth and value in the relationship.
9. 'If I had to do it again, I’d still choose you'
Telling your partner that you would choose them over again can have a profound effect on their joy. It reinforces your commitment to them, deepens your bond, and assures them your love remains strong no matter the ups and downs of daily life. This is a direct and heartfelt way to communicate. Given the choice, you'd make the same decision to be with them without hesitation.
In relationships, most people need three basic things to experience joy: to be seen, to be heard, and to feel valued. By using some of these phrases, you can let your partner know you are available, interested, and curious about them. You will be expressing that you see and appreciate them, you want to hear what they have to say, and you value them and their achievements.
These casual phrases, uttered most often by people who have true compassion and love for each other, can help you fulfill these needs, strengthening your relationship and enhancing the joy you both experience on a daily basis.
Mary Kay Cocharo is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California.
