People Who Want A Better Relationship Usually Say 9 Casual Phrases In Couples Therapy

As a psychologist & couples therapist, I am privy to the kinds of conversations and relationship-defining moments that laypeople have to turn on reality TV to witness. Most couples are nervous during their first couples therapy sessions, and it may be hard to draw them out about how they really feel about the relationship. (Hint: if you’re in my office, you’re not thrilled.) This post can give you a window into the casual phrases people say in their initial intake sessions and what they really mean.

People who want a stronger relationship usually say these phrases casually in therapy:

1. 'I really respect him as a parent'

Translation: The one thing I can’t complain about is that they usually remember to pick the kids up at daycare.

2. 'She/he really puts the kids first'

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Translation: If I had just suffered a massive stroke, they would step over my unconscious body to keep bedtime on schedule.

RELATED: 4 Painfully Honest Signs Even Couples Therapy Can't Fix Your Relationship

3. 'Sure, we could improve our communication'

Translation: I keep forgetting why they said we’re here. If they just stopped complaining, we would be fine.

4. 'There are some issues with her/his parents'

Translation: I get a nervous twitch before any major holiday that could require seeing my in-laws. During their visits, I require sedation.

5. 'I’m still attracted to her/him'

Translation: If he had a personality transplant, I could conceive things getting better with her/him again.

6. 'She/he doesn’t make me feel special'

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Translation: On Mother’s Day, he got me a card, and by “he” I mean the kids brought one home from school. It is unclear whether he noticed that it was, in fact, me who made the Mother's Day brunch reservation that also included his mother. I am considering setting off an air horn to see whether he notices and/or extinguishes me — possibly if I was in front of the television.

RELATED: 9 Game-Changing Moves That Save Relationships In Couples Therapy, According To Therapists

7. 'She/he doesn’t appreciate me'

Translation: If I didn’t provide a paycheck and some childcare, I believe they would have already wandered into someone else's home.

8. 'She/he doesn’t listen to me'

Translation: People need more than a three-second conversation in between checking email and watching TV. Even ChatGPT listens to me more than he does, and it's an inanimate object (I think?)

9. 'I am the only one trying here'

Translation: Right now my deepest wish is that you take an hour or so to explain to my spouse why they are dead wrong. You and I will shake our heads and give each other sidelong glances when my spouse is being particularly ridiculous. After the first few sessions, my spouse will have an epiphany about how terribly s/he has acted, applauded by both myself and you, the therapist. Champagne will be uncorked, and my deepest needs and desires will be met in my marriage thereafter.

RELATED: When Couples Therapy Doesn’t Work, It Usually Comes Down To These 5 Things

Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, aka Dr. Psych Mom, is a clinical psychologist in private practice and the founder of DrPsychMom. She works with adults and couples in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health.