You Can Usually Tell How Chivalrous A Man Is By 7 Little Things He Does Just Because It's Right
Dany B | PexelsChivalry isn't dead. It never was, and it never will be. What died is most women's patience for the version of it that's all surface. From the man who opens the door but won't keep his word, to the one who shows up with flowers but checks his phone during dinner.
Real men still do the small things, and not just for performance's sake. And when you know which actions to look out for, the faster you'll be able to identify those playing pretend. Times may have changed, but it's still timeless to read a man by his chivalrous behavior — or lack thereof.
You can usually tell how chivalrous a man is by 7 little things he does just because it's right:
1. He's punctual
He is always on time because he values his appointments and knows that time is essential. He never lets his date wait for them unless they have an emergency, making sure to honestly inform her.
"When you agree to be somewhere at a given time, you're essentially entering into a contract," explained psychologist Dr. Pauline Wallin. "But if one person is consistently late, it creates a breach of trust not just for the moment, but often for the entire relationship." Being more than fifteen minutes late is not a good look (send a text if more than five minutes!), and the most chivalrous men know that.
2. He opens doors for her
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This is a very courteous act that a man can do for a woman. It doesn't signify that women are weak or that they constantly need a man to assist them, either; he just wants her to have the comfort and convenience she deserves.
3. A chivalrous man keeps his word
He keeps his promises and treats his words as honorable and truthful. He does the things he says he's going to do, no matter how small, because chivalrous men are also principled men.
"Build trust by delivering what you promise, or don't make the promise at all," couples therapist Dr. Dan Neuharth recommends. Men who casually overpromise only to under-deliver are telling you that their word doesn't and won't ever bind them.
4. He communicates
He is a good conversationalist. He intently listens, speaks with conviction, and maintains eye contact. And in our modern techy world, he'll put down his phone and be immersed in your conversation, not his Instagram feed. A chivalrous man will listen to you deeply and intentionally.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Lilli Friedland added that "A chivalrous man will put down what they're doing and turn their attention to you so you know that they are engaged so you feel attended to," explaining that this is the bare minimum women with self-respect should expect from men in the age of incessant pings.
5. He has good hygiene
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Clean, well-groomed, no overthinking required. Chivalrous men know that he doesn't need a suit to impress the ladies, just a neat, tidy appearance and a nice attitude.
"The way we take care of our hygiene is also a way we show respect and love toward our partner," marriage and family therapist Kurt Smith pointed out. "When you look at it this way, good hygiene is a relationship issue, not just a personal one."
6. A chivalrous man mind their manners
Remember, "please" and "thank you" are still magic words. University of California, Berkeley researcher Amie Gordon studies gratitude in relationships and has named those small courtesies as signals to their partners that they see them and appreciate them, that even a small gesture (like grabbing an extra coffee on your Starbucks run) is acknowledged. "What goes wrong in a lot of relationships is if you start to take your partner for granted. You get used to having them in your life and forget why you chose to be with them," she explained, on why the most chivalrous men understand the power of expressing appreciation.
7. He is not afraid to commit
Chivalrous men don't back out of commitments, whether business deals or personal relationships. They are brave enough to handle it. Relationship expert Dr. Margaret Paul explains that the man who keeps putting you off may hold the belief that "being in a relationship means having to give up your freedom." Run from these types of guys.
Women love an old-fashioned gent, and they definitely appreciate the efforts chivalrous men give to maintain gentlemanly ways. Keep in mind that being a man is a matter of age, but being a gentleman is a matter of choice.
Samantha Jayne is Australia's leading dating coach and relationship expert who has been featured in Ask Men, The Huffington Post, Forbes, Women's Health, and more.
