You Can Usually Tell Who’s Going To Be Just Fine On Their Own By These 3 Skills They Learned While Single
Vinicius Quaresma | PexelsAre you worried that you're not meeting the quality of the person you'd like to be with? Or that you're not meeting anyone at all? The latter is not usually true, but it has to do with the eyes you're looking through.
In the search for your perfect mate and that lasting kind of love, it may be helpful to remember that you attract people and circumstances to you that reflect your mindset about relationships, baggage from other people you've been involved with, and your fears and vulnerabilities from childhood. Most of the time, you may only focus on the externals, but like everything in life, it's the inside that matters most.
Some people panic at the thought of being alone, while others seem completely fine whether they're in a relationship or not, and more often than not, that difference comes down to skills they developed while they were single.
You can usually tell who’s going to be just fine on their own by these 3 skills they learned while single:
1. People who are fine alone know what they want
People who are fine on their own are not only clear about who they would like to have in their life but also about who they are and what they are willing to contribute to the relationship. Remember: it's your job — nobody else's! — to clean up your act and be willing to offer as much happiness as you want to receive.
Couples therapist Janel Ball agrees, pointing out that the people who find themselves in healthy relationships worked on that foundation while they were single. "The longer you're single, the better chance you'll have to learn about yourself, your goals, and your expectations."
2. They embrace their vulnerability
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Are you willing to be emotionally vulnerable and trusting with another person? How are you at releasing or sharing control of the details of your life? Research from 2019 confirms that being vulnerable with yourself (and others!) can lead to increased feelings of intimacy.
Do you like to have other people in your space? What about all up in your emotional space, asking deep questions? Are you able to tell the truth about uncomfortable things in your life?
This is not easy stuff for most people, and the vulnerability factor often stops people dead in their tracks from having truly meaningful relationships. As a result, most people only have surface-level relationships that break under pressure.
Vulnerability is the key to the kind of relationship most people say that they want — even couples therapist Terry Gaspard cautioned that, "you might be sabotaging relationship after relationship if you don't get to the root of your fear of being vulnerable."
3. They understand relationships won't always be easy
Relationships will challenge you at all levels of your being. This is the true purpose of relationships: to help you toward growth and maturity. Self-growth is a sign you're doing something right in life.
Of course, love, passion, and romance are in there too, but really, from a spiritual perspective, the universe uses relationships to propel you forward into emotional places you would otherwise not likely go.
Think about a couple of your previous relationships, or consider your current one. Think about how you felt pushed, challenged, annoyed, and maybe even angered, and in ways that no one else could reach you.
Also, think of the depth of emotions you experienced, the feeling of falling in love, and being totally distracted by the thoughts of the other person. Relationships get your attention and put you into emotional places that spill out into every other area of your life. That’s the way it's supposed to be. Relationships that last will fulfill and challenge you.
Darnise Martin, PhD, is a spirituality and relationship coach who helps women tap into their spiritual connections for authentic transformation in love and life purpose. She is also a professor, speaker, and the author of 40 Something: 10 Radical Lessons For Women on How To Live & Love Without Losing Themselves.
