If A Wife Can't Be Trusted, You'll Know It When You Hear Her Say These 6 Phrases On Repeat
Vitalyagorbachev | PexelsYou might feel it in your gut first, something in the relationship is off. You struggle to put your finger on exactly what it is, but the problem is elusive.
You should be able to trust your wife completely, unquestioningly, yet the unsettled feeling lingers after trying to communicate about the problem you can't quite identify. Then, she utters something under her breath that subtly betrays your trust.
We asked myriad relationship experts to identify the phrases that destroy trust in a relationship, and these six came up again and again.
If a wife can't be trusted, you'll know it when you hear her say these 6 phrases on repeat:
1. 'I'm fine' and/or 'It's fine'
These words are often signs that things are not fine. Underneath your wife's calm exterior is a pot of boiling water about to boil over.
— Jennifer Hargrave, Owner & Managing Attorney, Hargrave Family Law
2. 'You're the only one who thinks that'
Gabriel Ponton / Unsplash+
When a woman wants to isolate her partner's perspective as a way to invalidate their concerns, she'll tell them, "You're the only one who thinks that." Using this phrase can make the other person question whether they're wrong for having a certain point of view.
Using this phrase is an example of emotional manipulation. According to psychotherapist Dr. Marni Feuerman, the best way to avoid being emotionally manipulated is to build up your emotional intelligence. Dr. Feuerman defined emotional intelligence as "the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage emotions in positive ways to communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome obstacles, and defuse conflict."
While emotional intelligence can be wielded in a way that hurts people, developing a strong understanding of your feelings can act as a protective force against toxic relationships.
3. 'I don't have time'
Your wife has become distant and is closed off or unwilling to discuss marital issues as they come up. If they’re suddenly not as present for you as they’ve typically been in the past, especially for activities you always used to share or during difficult moments, then trust has eroded.
4. 'I still got it'
Getty Images / Unsplash+
Insecurity and viewing others as a threat go hand in hand. The absolute worst behavior I’ve seen in people came from people who were insecure about themselves, and that includes turning against people who want to help them.
Think about it: A scarily large percentage of people cheat because they want to feel good about themselves or know "they still got it." That’s insecurity at work. If they were confident about their work, then it wouldn't be that big a deal.
Insecurity creates incentives to make a person betray others and push others down in a desperate bid to feel good about themselves. The more insecure they are, the stronger that push to put other people down tends to be.
— Ossiana Tepfenhart, Writer & Media Critic
5. 'Why would I do that?'
Answering a question with a question is a huge red flag indicating the possibility of deception. Honest people make direct denials. They typically respond, “I didn’t do that.” Deceptive people are evasive, and when they are caught off guard, they need extra time to think of a believable response. A response like, “Why would I do that?” buys the deceptive person precious time to formulate such a response. The key to detecting deception is to listen carefully to what someone tells you.
— Jack Schafer, Ph.D., Behavioral Analyst
6. 'I'm not talking about it'
There is always a reason someone avoids a situation, a topic, or a person. It can be for many reasons, one of which is having told a lie. If you ask someone where they were, for example, and they don’t want to tell you but don’t want to lie, avoidance becomes the next best option. This also comes out as changing the subject.
You have to be careful with this. There are reasons people need to avoid deception before the subject. I avoid talking politics with my family, not because I’m lying but because I want to avoid an argument.
— Joshua Mason, Author and Public Safety Leader
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
