10 Things Couples Don’t Realize They Actually Disagree About Until They Share A Bank Account
Miljan Zivkovic / ShutterstockMost couples don't get a joint bank account until they're married or living together. In the earlier days, it's fun to spend money on each other and have money spent on you because neither really knows the details of what is in either of your bank accounts or how much of a stretch the purchase may have been.
Once you get engaged or married or move in together and decide to merge finances, things can easily get a lot more tense. You may not even realize the two of you actually disagree about certain things until you're balancing your checkbook together and figuring out where all of your money went or how much to move into your savings.
Most couples don’t even realize they disagree about these things until they start sharing a bank account
1. How to split their bills
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Choosing the appropriate or fair way to pay their individual and joint bills and make necessary purchases can be a sticking point for many couples. Some are fans of splitting everything 50/50, while others prefer a split that’s based on how much money each partner makes.
Psychotherapist Dr. Carli Blau said it’s best for couples to make the decision with their partnership in mind instead of trying to reach some kind of generic equality. But if one or both of them has a really strong opinion, they might end up clashing in a way that they didn’t expect.
2. How much to save vs how much to spend
Making saving money a priority sounds like common sense, but it’s really not wrong for someone to want to spend more as long as they’re living within their means. Still, couples might have different ideas about what the right balance looks like.
One partner might be used to saving as much money as possible or putting the maximum allowed each paycheck into their 401k, while the other only keeps as much money as necessary to cover their bills on hand and spends the rest on fun. Since pretty much everything requires money, these decisions impact almost every choice they make together, so not being on the same page could lead to some big squabbles.
3. How much they should spend on their hobbies
It would be nice if we could all find something we enjoy doing that doesn’t cost any money. Since that’s not reality for most people, everyone has to decide how much money they feel comfortable earmarking for their hobbies, whether that means paying for an annual gym membership or getting knitting supplies every so often.
Even though hobbies aren’t technically necessary, telling someone with a hobby they love that they shouldn't spend money on it could be harmful to their mental and physical health, but that doesn’t mean couples will always agree on how much money should go towards those activities. Partners who have different priorities might clash at times, especially if they prefer to spend their free time in vastly different ways.
4. How closely they should monitor their accounts
Experts generally agree that it’s best for people to review their checking account once a week, unless there’s a specific reason they need to look at it more frequently.
Individual attitudes about money will obviously affect how often someone feels the need to look over their account. This could cause a problem if one spouse feels more anxious about money than the other. They might come off as obsessed or negligent when it’s just what feels natural for them, which could cause tension.
5. How much money is a lot
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Being comfortable, or even wealthy, won’t mean the same thing to everyone. A lot of our beliefs about money are influenced by our upbringing. Someone who grew up in a lower-income family might not have as high of a standard for what they consider to be a lot of money compared to someone whose family was more fortunate financially.
People obviously don’t only fall in love with members of their same social class or people who come from the same background, so there’s a good chance that couples will disagree. Differing definitions of what makes a person rich doesn’t have to be an automatic dealbreaker, though, as long as both people are respectful of the other person's perspective.
6. If they should give money to family members
Whether or not someone should help out their family members financially is a deeply personal decision. That becomes much more complicated when the money doesn’t just belong to one person, though.
Couples will have to figure out what’s right for them as a unit. What worked for just one of them might not even make sense based on their shared finances. But people feel very strongly about what they do for their families, so this could be a tough one to work through.
7. The best way to spend their emergency funds
Emergency funds are meant to cover “unplanned expenses or financial emergencies,” according to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. That sounds pretty simple, but not everyone has the same idea of what really constitutes an emergency.
Most people would probably agree that things like unexpected medical procedures and broken air conditioning units are exactly what emergency funds are meant to be used for, but there might be some other expenses that feel urgent to one partner but not the other. It can be a problem for the relationship if they can’t reach some kind of compromise.
8. What their long term goals should be
Many of the goals people want to work towards, like buying a house or retiring, require a significant amount of money. When someone really wants something, it might be a little bit easier for them to save up for it over time, but when a couple has different goals, both people won't always see a need to save for the same things.
Couples don’t have to agree on everything, including their goals. Having very different ideas of what they want in the future is far more than just a financial conflict, though, and should be worthy of a meaningful conversation.
9. What counts as a necessity
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The actual definition of necessity is “something that you need, especially in order to live.” In other words, designer shoes and new golf clubs are not necessary expenses. That seems obvious, but some people might not think so.
There are times in everyone’s lives when they have to cut back their spending to just what they can’t do without. In that situation, it helps to be married to someone who doesn’t think something is a necessity when it’s definitely not. If couples can’t agree, they have a problem.
10. How much debt is OK to take on
Honestly, the perfect amount of debt is probably no debt at all, but that’s not realistic. Debt with lower interest rates, like student loans and mortgages, is considered preferable to owing a lot of money on unimportant things. But even then, the borrower has to decide if the burden is too much for them.
That’s harder when there’s a second person involved. One spouse might feel fine taking on a little more debt than the other, and that doesn’t mean one of them is right and the other is wrong. They just have different perspectives.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
