Lower, Middle & Upper Class People Usually Have Completely Different Ideas Of What Good Manners Look Like
CarlosBarquero | ShutterstockLike our gender, race, ethnicity, community, culture, religion, and every other aspect of identity, our class shapes our experience of life. Despite being a taboo topic in our culture to speak so openly about, the money in our pockets and our financial situation are impossible to disconnect from basic parts of daily life, like social etiquette and manners.
Obviously, lower-, middle-, and upper-class people have different ideas of what good manners look like. They're living completely different lives, and it shows.
Lower-, middle-, and upper-class people have much different ideas about what it means to have good manners
Your financial situation alters every aspect of your life
Even if you're not necessarily conscious of it, meaning you're comfortable and have the luxury of not worrying about money every second of every day, your financial situation implicates all kinds of changes to your daily life.
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Whether it's your daily mood, your stress levels, your relationships with other people, or even your daily routine, your financial state shifts it all. That's why it's not entirely surprising that it also plays a role in how someone operates on a daily basis.
Much like our community or culture play a role in how we act and behave, our class alters how we perceive and engage with social etiquette and manners. That's intersectionality. All these seemingly indistinct, separate pieces of our identity mesh together to create a unique picture of how we live life.
Upper-class people have the freedom of privacy
Most people in financially free or comfortable situations believe that social etiquette revolves around privacy, especially when it comes to once-taboo topics such as family issues and money. They have the money to not speak about it. They don't have to ask for help or make their spending decisions known. They have these freedoms that lower-class people don't have.
Even if it's just splitting a bill evenly at a fancy dinner, it might still be perceived as rude by someone in a higher-class situation. But they also often believe it's social etiquette to just pay their share, rather than starting a fight over money at the table.
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Lower-class people don't have the luxury of quietness and privacy around money. And it's usually because they don't have the money to be splitting bills or covering someone else's meal in the first place.
When you have financial luxuries, you can uphold certain parts of social etiquette without thinking. Offering to pay for someone's coffee at work or even returning the favor with lunch dates are things that might feel like a second nature form of respect for the wealthy, but they are impossible to keep up with for someone living paycheck to paycheck.
Lower-class people tend to be more open and value directness
Compared to their higher-class counterparts, who value privacy and sometimes avoidance as forms of respect, lower-class people prefer openness and directness. When it often takes twice as much work and effort to accomplish something basic for people with money, it's only fair that celebrations are a huge deal.
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They're direct because they can't afford to leave room for interpretation. They appreciate talking about the hard stuff openly, because they don't have the mental space to manage the kinds of social problems that higher-income people cling to for meaning.
They appreciate spontaneous moments of community and direct communication, as well as practical money conversations and generosity around people in need, with clear body language. Their higher-income counterparts value discretion and comfort.
Middle-class people are stuck shaping their own norms
In today's economy, when middle-class people are struggling more with money than ever before, they're growing into the social norms of families and communities in lower classes. They're certainly not resonating with the kinds of generosity with money that rich people flippantly expect, but they also may not feel like they need to be overly open and direct.
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They're living at the intersection of these massive social worlds and trying to find their place. As everything else in their lives continues to change, they also have to change manners and social etiquette expectations, or create their own.
It's an unsuspecting part of our financial lives. As people get wealthier, they're often pressured to conform to these social norms and forms of etiquette. But when people lose money and find themselves in a place of uncertainty, those norms are pressured in a whole different way, almost as an obligation.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
