The Art Of Speaking Clearly: 3 Simple Habits Of Naturally Clear Communicators

The art of effective communication and speaking clearly is a skill that has nothing to do with gender. Blaming one's lack of communication skills on the gender of one's partner is, quite honestly, a cop out, an excuse to continue the status quo, and a rationale to not take an honest appraisal of oneself. Quite simply, effective communication, whether with a man or with a woman, is based on three basic principles.

Here are three simple habits of naturally clear communicators:

1. They listen to what is being said

Although this sounds simple, it often isn't. Instead of really listening, what we often do is listen just enough to formulate our response. In other words, instead of listening, we're gearing up for battle, looking for the weakness, and planning our strategy. If you want to communicate effectively with a man, listen to what he says and hear what he means.

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2. They don't read into things

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Take what he says as what he means. If he says, "I like your red dress better," don't turn that into "He thinks I'm fat, he hates me, he thinks I'm ugly, I'm leaving." Simply take what he says to mean exactly that. 

Don't read into it, don't exaggerate it, and don't use it as an excuse to attempt to have him soothe your insecurities. If you're insecure, say so. But don't turn his innocent words against him in an effort to seek reassurance.

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3. They communicate directly

If he asks what's wrong, tell him. If you're angry, say so. Don't expect him to read your mind, and don't expect him to chase after you all day in a futile attempt to drag out of you whatever is bothering you. 

Take responsibility for expressing your own thoughts and desires effectively. Communication isn't a guessing game, but manipulation is. Don't confuse the two. Effective communication with a man is no more difficult than expressing yourself honestly and directly. Chances are, if you're experiencing difficulties interacting with men, you're experiencing difficulties interacting in general.

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Melinda Clayton is a retired psychotherapist and is now a writer of primarily southern psychological suspense and mystery.