Genuinely Confident People Do 9 Subtle Things Without Even Realizing
PeopleImages | Shutterstock Confidence is one of those things that feels totally out-of-reach when you don't have it, because it's something you can't truly teach someone, they have to discover it themselves. That's why genuinely confident people are so magnetic, and why we tend to be attracted to subtly confident people: they don't even realize how compelling they are.
By watching what they do, the rest of us can learn how to become genuinely confident, like them. Not the type who brag or flex, but the type of subtly confident person others look up to.
Genuinely confident people do 9 subtle things without even realizing
1. They listen more than they speak in social situations
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Truly confident people are happy to talk a lot and lead conversations when needed, but when others are engaged, they let them lead sometimes, too. Because they're secure, they don't need to be the center of attention, which means they show up to support and listen. They also tend to speak in a more moderate tone that, according to research, also makes them more persuasive.
This is a huge part of what makes confident people so attractive to friends and partners. They're interested and when others talk, they're invested.
2. They lift other people up rather than tear them down
While gossiping is a natural part of being a human being (and can be beneficial to society, in some situations), bringing negativity into conversations, especially when it’s putting someone else down, isn’t necessarily a pillar of a confident persona. In fact, gossip actually harms other people's confidence, something nobody who is secure and self-assured would want to do.
Confident people aren’t worried about how other people are living their lives, so they don’t feel a strong need to comment on it or criticize anyone for their choices. If a friend or partner wants an opinion on something, they’ll have an open and honest conversation about it with them.
But first, they take some time to understand their own emotions and feelings, asking themselves, "Is this something I need to comment on? And if so, they'll consider, "Is there a kind way to say it?"
3. They consider other people's opinions and respect their insights
In addition to being self-assured, confident people don’t feel the need to prove their worth to other people, whether it be a financial display, material things, a relationship, or a wealth of knowledge about a subject. They simply live authentically, and people tend to find this inspiring.
Because they’re happy with not being the “smartest” or most knowledgeable person in the room, they don’t take things personally or feel envious of another person’s successes. They can genuinely cheer other people on, whether they’re friends or strangers, because they're confident enough to know that someone else's success doesn't take away from their own.
4. They look up instead of down at their phones
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It's easy to disappear into our phones, especially when we're out in public. Staring at the phone keeps people from having to feel uncomfortable or bored.
Over 50% of cellphone users admit they use their phones to relieve stress and anxiety, even when they’re at home. Because they’re always within arms reach, it can become a reflex to use them in uncomfortable social situations.
But confident people push themselves into uncomfortable situations, always curious and interested in getting to know other people or spending quality time with themselves. Their eyes are up, observing what's around them. Yes, this gives them opportunities to meet people, if they want, but it also gives them things to talk about with the people they already know.
As the old saying goes, "Interesting people are interested" and you can't be all that interested if your nose is buried in your phone.
5. They're calm when others are spinning out
Whether they realize it or not, confident people are usually like a calm home base during stressful situations. They're unique in their ability to navigate discomfort or step up as a leader for people who are feeling insecure. As Dr. Alice Boyes points out, confident people simply cope with stress better.
This is so subtle, usually confident people don't even realize they're doing it. All the while, they're channeling emotional self-awareness that others find attractive, even when it’s stressful. This confidence is like a lighthouse in a storm
6. They find peace in ‘nothingness’
More than a third of people struggle with loneliness, finding it uncomfortable to sit with their own thoughts or to navigate situations without the help or support of others. Truly confident people, however, find peace in being alone, whether it’s to unpack their emotions or purely relax.
That doesn't mean all confident people are introverts who rarely want to be out in a crowd. Rather, they know how to find a balance between socializing and time for reflection and recuperation.
Prioritizing your relationship with yourself is the key to unlocking a true sense of confidence, which is how time alone helps confident people stay that way. The better they can support themselves and cope with intense emotions, the better able they are to be a good friend or partner.
7. They ask for help when they need it
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Confident people aren't afraid to look silly and don't mind if people think they seem weak. If they need help or advice, they'll ask for it. They know it's not a sign of weakness (yes, even men who are confident ask for help, even though they've been conditioned not to) to lean on others, and they love it when others lean on their wisdom and insight.
When you're truly confident, you know that human beings need one another. That's why they work past shame or cultural programming that taught them to be lone wolves or always strong and always the boss.
8. They 'live and let live'
When people are truly confident, they feel no need to tell other grown adults what to do, as long as these people aren't hurting anyone. People who worship differently, express themselves differently or even love differently are no bother to confident people.
Oddly enough, sometimes this type of authentic confidence results in other people being rude or judgmental toward them. This is likely because they can't imagine how someone can be this authentically self-assured.
See, when you're subtly confident, you don't feel threatened when people make choices that are different from yours. You've probably considered your choices and behaviors thoughtfully, and thus are happy to just live and let other people live their way, too.
9. They stand up for what's right
While confident people will generally advocate for others and stand up for what's right, it's not necessarily the goal of their lives to do so. They don't wake up and think, "I need to make sure I am standing up for others!" which is why their process tends to be more subtle.
Confident people's hard work for causes and for the people they believe in doesn't often end up on social media or in the form of a meme. It's not performative activism because they don't need praise for what they do. Sure, they may spread the word when there's an event or to help create positive change, but the vast majority of their helpfulness is done behind the scenes, without a camera recording.
And you know what's so cool about that? About all of the things on this list, really? People who are this confident don't even realize that what they're doing is special most of the time, and that's what makes them so incredibly appealing.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.
