People Who Constantly Feel Judged Usually Have These 9 Hidden Beliefs
Mangostar / ShutterstockEveryone knows what it’s like to feel judged, whether someone really was critiquing them or that was just their perception. Some people live with that awful feeling pretty much all of the time, though.
The truth is that everyone passes judgment on others at times. If someone worries about that too much and starts letting their own insecurities dictate how they believe other people see them, it can become toxic. These folks who just can’t get over feeling judged have some deeply rooted personal beliefs that make them question other people’s intentions.
If someone constantly feels like they’re being judged, they probably carry these secret beliefs
1. Their worth depends on others’ opinions
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No one can completely exclude what other people think of them from their own self-image, especially if those people are super vocal about their opinions. It’s hard to think of self-worth as something that’s inherent when society teaches us the opposite, but that doesn’t mean that each person’s worth is based on their peers either.
The concept of someone trying to find their worth in outside sources is known as contingent self-esteem. It’s like an extreme form of external validation that requires other people to think of someone positively so they can feel that way about themselves, too. It’s not surprising that this is seriously unhealthy and unsustainable, but some people can’t get away from it.
2. What other people think is their responsibility
Some people have the misguided belief that they have to manage the way others see them. They think if they act or look a certain way, no one will have a reason to criticize them, so they tire themselves out by micromanaging their own behavior.
It’s impossible to know what’s going on in someone else’s head, meaning it’s not worth it to even try in the first place. People who do will only worry themselves sick and struggle to control their own feelings in the process. They probably wouldn’t want another person to try to influence their own thoughts so strongly, so they need to leave it alone, too.
3. If someone doesn’t like them, they must have done something wrong
It’s natural for anyone who’s dealing with a lot of stress, past trauma, or low confidence to take what other people think way too personally. Unfortunately, that makes people feel like the way someone is judging them, or at least the way they think they’re judging them, carries more weight than it actually does.
Feelings aren’t the same thing as facts, and another person’s opinion does not count as the absolute truth. This person might feel like they made a mistake or a wrong choice that made someone dislike them, but there’s probably not a good explanation for why they feel that way.
4. It’s not safe to be who they truly are
When someone tries to be completely real and is mocked or rejected because of it, they’ll feel like they should shut themselves off to avoid feeling that kind of pain again. This might mean that no one else will know who they are, and they may even lose sight of the unique person they are themselves.
Authenticity is uncomfortable because it requires being vulnerable, which isn’t most people’s first instinct. Oddly enough, an experiment with German students proved that people usually admire other people when they’re vulnerable, but they cringe when they do it themselves. This shows that some of that constant judgment they’re used to feeling might actually be their own.
5. They have to earn everything
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Plenty of things do have to be earned in life, but just existing as a part of society isn’t one of them. People who feel like they’re constantly trying to earn their place in the world even when others clearly accept and support them are probably dealing with an anxious attachment style.
Counselor Annie Wright, LMFT, put this in simpler terms when she said, “Your nervous system learned to treat every relationship like an ongoing performance review.” These folks are trying to be good enough to deserve something that everyone has, and it’s left them feeling like everyone is silently critiquing them.
6. People think about them all the time
If people reflected on their own thought patterns, they’d probably realize that no one really has the time or the curiosity needed to think about them very often. Everyone is wrapped up in their own worlds and worries, but the people who are the most stressed out by potential judgment can’t accept that.
This can be explained by a cognitive bias called the spotlight effect. It makes someone think that other people are always paying attention to them, even though they aren’t, and understandably causes a lot of anxiety. Everyone knows themselves super well, but other people don’t have that same personal perspective, so the spotlight isn’t real.
7. They can’t handle criticism
Some people really just don’t know what to do with the criticism they receive. This usually stems from them not having a lot of self-compassion or not being able to regulate their emotions. This isn’t exactly the same problem that people have when they always feel judged, though.
In that case, it’s more likely that they don’t believe they have the ability to handle critical comments. There’s a good chance that they never actually had an experience where someone’s criticism broke them down, but their insecurity tells them that it would be a mistake to ever let it get that far.
8. No one else feels that way
Psychotherapist F. Diane Barth, LCSW, explained, “From the very beginning of our lives, we need another person to reflect back to us that they see us in all of our complexity and that they care about us, even with our flaws and limitations.” Not having that experience can feel horribly lonely.
Some people tell themselves that’s their reality even when it’s not. They look at the people around them and assume they live great lives and have it all together. That’s obviously not true, but it’s also an example of them judging others unfairly, even though that's what they fear most.
9. Their mistakes define them
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The idea that nobody’s perfect isn’t just some nice platitude. It’s the truth, and no one expects things that aren’t feasible because of it. Sometimes people have a hard time letting go of their own mistakes, though, especially if they struggle with anxiety.
Folks just don’t sit around thinking about the mistakes the people they know made. They probably can’t even remember most of them. They aren’t viewing people through the perspective of a time they messed up before, and they aren’t trying to hold that memory against them like some kind of emotional blackmail. No one should think that their mistakes are their whole story.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
