Narcissistic People Usually Get Truly Happy When 5 Ridiculous Things Happen
PolinaBright | ShutterstockYou may not realize there's a narcissistic person in your life until you hear yourself constantly explaining their hurtful behavior to other people.
Being around someone with strong narcissistic traits can leave you feeling inferior, dramatic, or neglected, and you often don't realize someone in your life even fits the bill until you're explaining their behavior to others. A true narcissist will never admit that they are one, but they all have similar ways of boosting their own egos through the misfortune of others.
Narcissistic people get happy when these 5 ridiculous things happen:
1. They watch someone else fail
If that sounds harsh to you, you're like the average person: you have enough empathy to feel pity for those struggling, regardless of whether you have a personal connection. For a narcissist, it doesn't matter whether it's a loved one. They secretly love it when those around them fall short.
Their reaction may not be about you personally. They may simply feel better whenever someone else falls behind. They don't care who it is that's failing, so long as they can profit off of it. Your failure can make them feel like they’re one or two steps ahead and still winning the comparison. Narcissists love to win, even if it's from the worst possible outcome.
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These are often the same people who find a way to make your success about them. When you're celebrating a victory, they somehow manage to turn the attention onto them. They can't stand for someone else to be congratulated except them, even their own children or partner.
They'll go great lengths to receive the attention they want, even if it secretly makes them look bad (but nobody is brave enough to say it out loud). When you secure a new job, they may immediately mention how well their business is doing or bring up the raise they just received. When it's your birthday party or wedding, they show up in an outrageous outfit and grab both positive and negative attention.
2. They make somebody cry
A true narcissist loves being the one in control. When they make you cry, it shows that they had enough power over you to deeply impact you. Instead of trying to make you feel better, they'll find ways to make you feel worse.
Often, they'll use your insecurities against you in order to get under your skin. A person who uses your insecurities against you may not be someone you can safely trust with your struggles. A relationship with someone who repeatedly manipulates or belittles you can become toxic or emotionally abusive. There may be little give-and-take, leaving you drained while the other person demands more of your energy.
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Even if they didn't intentionally make you cry, narcissists still find it difficult to apologize. They may blame their hurtful behavior on you and make you feel guilty for having an emotional reaction.
Many times, their apologies will include "just", such as "I was just kidding" or "I was just trying to help". This wording minimizes their role in the problem and, again, changes the power dynamic so you're the weaker one.
3. They hear that someone else is seriously ill
When we hear that someone has been diagnosed with a serious physical or mental illness, most of us feel concern and want to support them. The average person does not feel joy when others have been diagnosed with something serious, as we know the repercussions of poor health.
A person with strong narcissistic traits may have trouble responding with empathy, especially when another person's pain doesn't affect them directly. As long as they aren't the one struggling, they may show little concern for what someone else is facing.
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Seeing others worse off than they are is just another result of their desire to win. Instead of feeling sadness for the misfortune of their friend or family member, they feel lucky that it isn't happening to them. Another person's tragedy may give them a feeling of relief or superiority.
This behavior may be connected to deep insecurity, past trauma, or unhealthy experiences during childhood. They may hide deep insecurities behind an image of extreme confidence or arrogance. This can become an unhealthy way of protecting their self-image, especially when it keeps them from recognizing another person's feelings.
4. They see their own children struggle
As kids, it's hard to point out your parents' mistakes. You view them as role models, no matter how poor their behavior may be to you or others. But when you enter adulthood, all of those uncomfortable moments begin to translate into something else: you had a narcissistic parent.
Some adults realize that growing up with a narcissistic parent may have shaped behaviors they still carry, such as constantly explaining themselves, fearing criticism, or trying to be perfect. Narcissistic parents can be difficult to spot at first because they often present themselves as "fun". Your friends may have labeled them as cool, but you often felt neglected by them. When you struggled, they may have blamed you or expected you to comfort them instead of acting like the parent.
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When their children struggle, narcissists use it as an opportunity to make their kid feel bad. They may offer little support and blame the child whenever something goes wrong. They may say, "Look what you've done to me." They call their children "too sensitive" or "too dramatic" during emotional times to make themselves feel superior.
Some narcissistic parents treat their children like competition. While many parents want their children to have an easier life than they did, a narcissistic parent may resent the attention, freedom, or opportunities their child receives.
5. They watch someone lose confidence in themselves
People with narcissistic personalities don't just want to see you fail; they also want you to feel bad about yourself. The more insecure and small you feel, the bigger they'll feel. They absorb any confidence you've lost and use it to benefit themselves.
They may create these insecurities by making small comments that stay with you. This may look like pointing out weight gain, acne, or features you may not have felt bad about until they cast them in a negative light. It's all just a manipulative tactic to get you to second-guess yourself, making them look better in comparison.
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Over time, you may come to believe they're better than you, reinforcing the unequal relationship they want. Not only do they have a large ego, but they also feed off your validation. Because their self-image depends heavily on outside praise, they may constantly seek your approval, admiration, or reassurance.
Gabrielle Mattes is a writer working towards a Creative Writing degree. Her work focuses on lifestyle, wellness, human interest, and relationship topics.
