9 Pathetic Ways Emotionally Immature People Avoid Real Accountability
Fo_De | ShutterstockJust because someone doesn't want to make a mistake, it doesn't make them bad.
However, when avoiding accountability comes at the expense of someone else's well-being, or is rooted in immaturity or narcissism, someone's trauma or low self-esteem isn't enough to justify doing it. We're in control of our lives, trauma and all, and have the power to show up better through healing and accountability. So, notice the pathetic ways emotionally immature people avoid real accountability, and don't keep giving them a pass for the sake of comfort.
Here are 9 pathetic ways emotionally immature people avoid real accountability
1. They blame someone else
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Self-improvement and personal growth are both dependent on someone's self-awareness. If an individual doesn't have the emotional intelligence to reflect and notice where they have control in their own lives, it's much easier to consistently blame other people or even the world around them for their problems.
While it's rarely comfortable and easy, it's this challenge that helps people grow. It's emotional regulation skills that help them work through discomfort, even if that's apologizing for a mistake, and learn, instead of shutting down completely.
2. They make all kinds of excuses
If they can't convince someone they didn't do something or lie, emotionally immature people find a way to justify it. Even if that means invalidating someone else's pain by making excuses, they'll do whatever it takes to protect their own narrative and comfort.
Even if they're completely removing their sense of autonomy from their lives, making it seem like they didn't have any kind of choice, they'd prefer that to owning up to something that makes them feel weak and small.
3. They seek pity
People with a victim mentality are almost always incredibly emotionally immature, if not narcissists, playing their cards just right. They don't know how to own up to mistakes because they can't manage discomfort. They don't like realizing that they're in control of their own lives, and would prefer for everyone to manage hardship for them.
They'd like to pretend that every minor inconvenience and mistake in their lives is because of someone or something else. Then, at least, they can seek pity and attention from other people, instead of being urged to take care of it themselves.
4. They attack people with condescending language
Narcissistic people, who are classic blame-shifters, have incredibly large, fragile egos that are way too inflated to consider taking accountability or owning up to mistakes. That's why, when they're directly called out and can't run or distort someone's mind, they're angry.
They're passive-aggressive and condescending. They're mean. They feel helpless, which sparks a kind of defensive anger that pushes people away and simultaneously sabotages their own sense of agency. They want people to feel scared calling them out, so they let emotional outbursts and heated arguments speak for themselves when they feel threatened.
5. They pretend to appeal to higher standards
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You'll often hear the most immature people appealing to all kinds of one-liners as a last-minute resort to paint themselves in a positive light. They have a lot to say about the kind of person they are or the morals they hold themselves to, but their actions never serve as a reflection of those misleading traits and behaviors.
They promote the idea that they should be trusted, pushing back on people who have anything but blind trust in their intentions, to cover their tracks. Usually, at least for emotionally immature people, it's not even a master plan with manipulative intentions. They just don't realize that just because you say something doesn't make it true.
6. They gaslight everyone around them
If they're not actively deflecting, an insecure, emotionally immature person may gaslight the people around them to deny and diffuse situations where they're being called out. Their main intention is to make everyone else feel crazy and distort their realities, so they have the power to control how they're being perceived and painted.
It didn't happen, or if it did happen, everyone else saw it wrong. If they all saw it and know what happened, everyone is delusional and crazy for painting them as the bad guys. There's always some line of questioning and weaponized self-doubt that these people use to break down other people, all because they're too immature to manage their own insecurities.
7. They get angry and defensive
Many of these avoidant tactics are rooted in defensiveness, but for narcissists, who avoid accountability because of an incredibly fragile sense of self, it's actually anger. They're angry that their inner weaknesses feel exposed, even if owning up to a mistake doesn't make them any less secure in the eyes of others.
They're so hypersensitive to judgment and perceived criticism that they'll do whatever it takes to make other people feel insecure for asking or calling them out. They're angry and incredibly emotional, without any space for emotional regulation, which usually encourages people to walk on eggshells instead of asking for accountability.
8. They block people out
From refusing to respond to a text message on their phone or not wanting to show up in rooms where they run a risk of being called out for their behavior, immature people block others out to avoid accountability. Instead of getting vulnerable and being honest, they avoid and deny, deflecting until everyone else has either forgotten or given up on seeking an apology.
In some ways, these emotionally immature people even manipulate others in person by stonewalling with tactics like the silent treatment. They refuse to give other people any kind of satisfaction with anger or sadness, so they block them out completely and let the storm of expectation pass through.
9. They lie to control the narrative
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Chronic liars are deceitful to control how other people perceive them. They change the narrative and tell lies to control their image, even though it often takes a lot more emotional energy and isolates them from honest, good relationships. They grasp onto the identity they're trying to convey, whether that's being correct or being a victim, and hold on tight to avoid needing to apologize.
They don't really have a strong, authentic sense of self, but exist as a reflection of the praise and validation they get from others. That's why perceived judgments and weaknesses, like being expected to own up to a mistake, feel so threatening on a deep level.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
