People Who Are Mentally & Emotionally Intelligent Usually Do 6 Things Casually In Everyday Life
LOOK | CanvaMental & emotional intelligence is the currency of the future. The way the world is changing, the kind of life you’ll live won’t be determined by how hard you can work, but instead by the quality of your thought process.
Superior emotional intelligence can mean more freedom, greater peace, higher wealth, and an overall better life. However, contrary to what most people believe, intelligence is not what you inherit; it’s something that can absolutely be developed over time.
Mentally and emotionally intelligent people often casually do a few things:
1. They consider the 'what' before the 'how'
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The chronology of these two questions is very important for mentally & emotionally intelligent people; let me elaborate:
- For normal people, ‘what’ comes after ‘how’. This means that they mold their desires depending on how competent they are at present. For instance, a student who just knows how to pass an exam, and not ace it, would desire an ordinary college for themselves before appearing for an entrance exam.
- For people with superior intelligence, on the other hand, ‘how’ comes after ‘what’. This means that they decide what they want first, and later figure out ‘how’ to achieve it. This would mean that a student aims for an Ivy League school and later figures out how to get in.
People who restrict their desires to their current competency cage themselves and fail to grow. On the other hand, people who aim beyond their current competency induce curiosity to learn and grow their competency.
2. They come with solutions, not just problems
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There are two kinds of people:
- A person who goes up to their boss, tells them what the problem is, and waits for the boss to hand out the solutions.
- A person who encounters a problem comes up with solutions and then goes up to their boss with a possible solution to the problem.
Of course, when starting a new job in any field, you’ll be the first kind of person. That’s because you’ve yet to learn. However, most people stay at that place forever. They don’t evolve into the second kind of person, and hence, they don’t contribute much.
Your job is to be the second kind of person — the mentally & emotionally intelligent kind. When a problem arises, you try to understand what it is. Then, instead of coming up with just one solution, try to come up with several. Go up to your boss or your mentor and present them with your menu of solutions. Research from Harvard University supports this, finding that the best way to get a promotion is to try to solve problems, not just identify them. Resourcefulness is a clutch quality of intelligent people.
3. Emotionally intelligent people are aware of their biases
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In Thinking Fast and Slow, psychologist Daniel Kahneman talks about two types of thinking: fast and slow. Our brains have come up with such a system to increase efficiency. You cannot spend a lot of time on every little decision you make throughout your day. This is why your brain came up with the ability to think fast. This kind of thinking is possible due to heuristics, or what we call mental shortcuts. Cognitive biases are unconscious and systematic errors in thinking that occur when people process and interpret information in their surroundings.
Such mental shortcuts are effective in most situations. However, at the same time, they make you prone to a whole list of cognitive biases because mental shortcuts are possible only when you ignore some quantity of information. For instance, confirmation bias makes you blind to evidence that goes against your existing beliefs, and you’re receptive only to evidence that confirms your beliefs. When you’re prone to such biases, the truth eludes you. A sign of high mental & emotional intelligence is that you’re aware of such biases and you’re especially careful about them when the stakes are high.
4. They’re able to put their intelligence on a leash
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Doctors make the worst patients. Lawyers make the worst clients. Do you know why? Because their intelligence gets in the way. This holds for learners as well. When we know nothing, and we know that we know nothing, it’s easy to learn. However, when we learn something, we begin feeling like we have learned a lot. This makes us resistant to learning more.
For instance, when you’re good at something and want to become great at something, you hire a good mentor. However, when they try to teach you something, you feel like what they’re telling you is wrong because you think you know a lot. But in reality, it’s you who’s wrong. Mentally & emotionally intelligent people know that their intelligence can get in their way. Hence, they train themselves to surrender their intelligence while learning. They know how to put it on a leash.
A Buddhist Zen story comes to mind: There was a Japanese Zen master named Nan-in who lived during the Meiji era. During his days as a teacher, he was visited by a learned university professor curious about Zen. Being polite, Nan-in served the professor a cup of tea. As he poured, the professor’s cup became full, but Nan-in kept on pouring. As the professor watched the cup overflow, he could no longer contain himself and said, “It is full. No more will go in!” Nan-in turned to the professor and said, “Like the cup, you are too full of your own opinions and speculations. How will I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”
5. People like this are insatiably curious
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Mentally & emotionally intelligent people are fascinated by the unknown. While there are some things people just accept as is, you want to dig deeper and find answers. You ask questions, and you don't care if it sounds dumb or it's been asked a million times; you want answers, and you will get them. Curiosity is rooted in childhood, too: A Harvard Business study found that highly curious children aged three to 11 improved their intelligence test scores by 12 points more than their less curious counterparts did.
6. They're deeply empathetic
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Mental & emotional intelligence is useless if you're not kind to the world in return. It's one thing to read a bunch of books and memorize information; it's another to know how to read people. In most cases, people don't remember what you tell them or what you look like, but they'll remember how you made them feel. What's more powerful than that?
Akshad Singi, M.D., is a writer whose work has been published in Better Humans, Mind Cafe, Medium, and more.
