If A Person Can't Be Trusted, You'll Know It When You Hear Them Say These 15 Phrases On Repeat
Dikushin Dmitry | ShutterstockWell-practiced manipulators have a way of drawing you in so you feel obligated to stick by their side, even though what they’ve done to you makes you feel you can't trust them. This is because they have become accustomed to the exact phrases they should use when you attempt to call them out on their toxic behavior.
"Manipulative people can play the victim, making you seem to be the one who caused a problem which they began but won’t take responsibility for," advised psychiatrist Abigail Brenner, M.D., "They can be passive-aggressive or nice one minute and standoffish the next, to keep you guessing and to prey on your fears and insecurities. They can also be extremely aggressive and vicious, resorting to personal attacks and criticism, dogged in their pursuit of getting what they want."
If anyone has ever said one of the following phrases to you, they can't be trusted, and they're very likely using these phrases just to manipulate you.
If a person can't be trusted, you'll know it when you hear them say these 15 phrases on repeat:
1. 'You don’t trust me?'
Manipulative people you can't trust usually only say this when they have something to hide. It is often used to back their victims into a corner. If you feel pressured and respond with, “Yes, I trust you,” then the manipulator has permission to keep doing whatever is causing you to feel wary of them in the first place. Responding with, “No, I don’t trust you,” puts your entire relationship in jeopardy, even though you were truthful.
When someone says, “Don’t you trust me?” what they are actually saying is, “I’m going to guilt you by asking for your reassurance to do something I know will disrespect your boundaries.”
2. 'Nobody likes you, but I defend you and always have your back'
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Unless the manipulator has actually asked all 7.8 billion people in the world, there is no confirmation that everyone hates you. When people are attempting to manipulate you, they often say this phrase to turn you against everyone so they can have you all to themselves.
They are portraying themselves as your only option to turn to for help by claiming everyone else hates you. This is known by researchers as “The White Knight Method.” Manipulators use this to ensure they will be the savior in their victims’ eyes, although they are anything but.
“What you do is pretty much create a problem for somebody and then solve it,” TikTok user Vanessa Irene said in a now-deleted video. Irene explains that when the manipulator makes it appear that they will always come to your rescue, even though they planned the entire situation to play out this way, they instantly gain their victims’ trust. “Immediately they’re like, ‘this person is on my side because she saved me,’” she says. “You don’t know that they created the problem; all you know is that they saved you.”
3. 'No one understands you like I do'
You know this isn’t true because the reality is nobody understands you better than you understand yourself, regardless of how close you may be to someone. Nobody, not even a well-skilled manipulator, is a mind reader. However, they may like to claim this as a fact to reinforce the feeling that you have no one else to turn to except them.
4. 'You’re paranoid'
Telling someone they are paranoid in response to concerns about your behavior falls under the manipulation tactic of gaslighting. Gaslighting makes a person question the reality of the emotional abuse they are facing from the manipulator. This makes the person being gaslit doubt their valid worries.
"If your partner says or does something to intentionally hurt you and you confront them at a later time, gaslighting would be if they said, 'That never happened' or 'You're crazy,'” Janika Veasley, the founder of Amavi Therapy Center, explained. “The response is intended to not only deny, but also make you question if the scenario in fact happened.”
5. 'Let me tell you a secret'
This phrase may seem like an honor if someone says it to you because it makes you believe they are trusting you with sensitive information. However, manipulators often use this phrase to reel in their victims.
When the manipulator tells their victim a secret, the victim will feel or be prompted to start revealing their own secrets in exchange. The most unsettling part is that the manipulator will often tell a secret that's not even true.
6. 'I have never felt connected to anyone else the way I do with you'
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While this may seem like a heartwarming phrase to hear from someone you love, it is usually a sign to set off the alarm bells. People may say this to manipulate another person's emotions or actions, such as to gain their trust, attention, or favor, even when they don't genuinely feel this way. They could also be using the phrase to play with the person’s emotions, keeping them emotionally attached while not being fully committed or sincere themselves.
Life coach Mitzi Bockmann warned, "So many of my clients in abusive relationships tell me their spouse is their soulmate, that they have never loved or been loved the way they are with their husband or wife. If you are in a toxic marriage, perhaps being emotionally or physically abused by a partner, how can that person be your soul mate? How can someone who is your soul mate be willing to cause you so much pain? More likely, instead of being your soulmate, you are most likely trauma-bonded."
7. 'People who say bad things about me to you are just trying to tear us apart'
Not everyone is going to get along together, and that’s okay. However, if someone has been hurt or witnessed another person harming someone emotionally or physically, their reasons to give a warning are valid. They may warn people who are currently in your life and tell them about their experiences as a common courtesy. They aren't necessarily attempting to tear you apart; however, a manipulative person may believe so.
By framing any negative comments as solely the result of other people's actions, the manipulator deflects attention from their own behavior. This phrase can also be a form of emotional manipulation since it instills a sense of distrust for anyone who has negative opinions about the manipulator. The victim is isolated from other perspectives and support networks. It also invalidates the potentially real concerns being shared by others.
8. 'I am genuinely so sorry [about something outside of their control]'
If a person apologizes for things that are completely out of their control, like the weather or bad traffic, it can be a form of manipulation. By doing this, they are giving the false impression that they understand and control things that are uncontrollable, which gets their victims to trust them more.
Research has explained, "Superfluous apologies represent a powerful and easy-to-use tool for social influence. Even in the absence of culpability, people can increase trust and liking by saying ‘I’m sorry,’ even if they are merely sorry about the rain."
9. 'I’ve always been there for you'
This phrase is often said by a manipulator when they want to trap their victims in the relationship. Even if they have always been by their victims’ side, it doesn’t mean they were asked to be there by anyone.
This phrase can instill a sense of guilt in some people, believing they must reciprocate the actions their manipulator demonstrated to them. No one should feel obligated to stick around because of a choice a manipulator made.
10. 'You’re the only person I am telling this to'
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In healthy and transparent communication, people should feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings without resorting to manipulative tactics. Manipulative people use this phrase to create a sense of false exclusivity and emotionally pressure their victims. It aims to make the victim feel special and unique, as if they are the only ones to be trusted with such a thing, even if they have already told others.
By emphasizing that the information is exclusive, the manipulator can apply emotional pressure. This phrase is used as coercive control to imply the victim must react or respond in a specific way because they are the chosen confidant.
11. 'You misunderstood what I said'
Everyone is entitled to their own feelings and interpretations of the things said to them, whether they were intended to hurt or not. When someone is hurt by something a manipulative person said, the manipulative person will do anything to justify their actions, rather than reassuring and comforting their victims. This phrase makes the victim feel as if they were in the wrong for simply having an opinion.
Life coach Patty Blue Hayes elaborated, "You start wondering if maybe [the manipulating person] is right. You then retreat into your own thoughts, trying to process the interaction, feeling too insecure to pursue the conversation any further. If they respond with anger, you feel stunned. You've just opened yourself up in a vulnerable way, and they've barged into that soft open space with aggression, leaving you feeling exposed and unsafe. If this is their pattern, you may even start to believe you're responsible for their anger."
12. 'I’m just trying to help you'
This phrase only makes the manipulator, not you, feel better about themselves. The statement is used to guilt or pressure someone into accepting help they may not want or need, all while the manipulator can convince themselves they are doing a good thing.
They may not know exactly how to help people in certain situations, and that’s okay. But admitting they are unsure of how to help and asking what they can do for you isn't something they will do. For instance, if you say you need space or time alone to process your feelings, and they respond with, "I'm just trying to help you," while continuing to push their assistance, that is manipulative. Often, they will use a casual touch along with this phrase.
13. 'You’re overthinking this, trust me'
How can you trust someone who has time and time again crossed your boundaries by saying phrases like this? If you are feeling particularly overwhelmed by a situation, it is not uncommon to overthink. Your mind will likely jump to places that seem irrational and that other people may not understand.
When this happens, people deserve reassurance and guidance, not someone insisting that they are overreacting. It manipulates them into thinking that they must trust their manipulator.
14. 'I feel the exact same way you do!'
This phrase may sound comforting, but you should be wary of anyone who immediately agrees with you without question. Immediate agreement is often used to create an illusion of commonality and trust.
“If you want to gain someone’s trust and control over them, make sure that they are seeing themselves inside you,” TikTok user @mr.salvatore_offical explains in a video. “Manipulators copy someone's way of thinking, acting, and how they behave, leading others to believe everything they do and building trust towards them.”
15. 'I had a hard life; that’s why I behave the way I do'
If you want to manipulate someone into immediately feeling sorry for you, this is the phrase that will do it. When people want to manipulate you into trusting them, they will give you a sob story about their upbringing to make you feel sorry for them and exploit your good heart.
They are also attempting to avoid responsibility for their actions by deflecting blame onto everyone but themselves and claiming to act the way they do entirely because of other people. They may imply that others owe them because of their difficult life, which is also a manipulative tactic.
In more extreme cases, people may use their life challenges to emotionally manipulate others into providing support, financial assistance, or other favors. They might claim that others should help them due to their difficult past.
"You may feel as if this person is chipping your soul away," explained psychologist Debie Grammas, Ph.D. "It is important that you continue to do the things that make you happy. Spend time with friends; engage in activities you enjoy, or things that bring you peace. The stronger you feel about yourself, the better you will be able to stand up to the person manipulating you."
While some of these phrases may not always have malicious intent, manipulative tactics can be noticed over time, depending on how well you know the person. It is essential to look out for yourself by avoiding manipulative people who can't be trusted and protect your peace.
Megan Quinn is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
