People Who Act Independent But Hate Being Alone Usually Have 8 Personality Traits
Monkey Business Images | ShutterstockFierce independence is usually a positive attribute of someone's character, but it can also be a coping mechanism for someone who secretly fears being alone.
People who hide their fear of loneliness behind independence often share specific personality traits that can give away their hangup. That doesn't mean they aren't capable on their own, however. They just have unresolved issues that make them dread loneliness.
Personality traits of people who hide their fear of being alone behind independence:
1. They need other people’s validation
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When someone’s self-worth is tied to how others view them, they live anxious, uncertain lives. It feels like they can never spend comfortable time alone, because they don’t have the mirror of other people or the world to make them feel safe and secure.
Even though seeking validation from others usually creates more inner turmoil over time, in the moment it’s a relief. If someone’s truly independent, they don’t need anyone to make them feel good about themselves. They have an inner sense of gratification that fuels both their social interactions and their time alone at home.
2. They struggle to understand who they really are
If someone’s not sure of who they truly are without other people’s praise, they probably rely on busyness as an escape. They don’t know what they need or want when they’re alone at home without any distractions, so they thirst for other people to fill that void.
Despite crafting an image of independence, they’re often just coping with a sense of insecurity and uncertainty inside.
3. They overextend themselves socially
Extroverts and social people often manage busy social calendars, because they are energized by other people and enjoy making memories. However, when someone’s using their calendar as a coping mechanism to avoid being alone, it’s a bit of a red flag.
They always need a distraction, and the more they rely on others to avoid their feelings of inadequacy, the more complicated and intense their feelings become. They’re suppressing emotions with an immediate distraction, but in the long run, confronting those feelings and spending time in their own company become increasingly difficult.
4. They need background noise
It’s not uncommon for people to cope with loneliness using background noise from a TV, but these kinds of people can’t go without it. Whether it’s a podcast in their ears when they’re walking alone outside or a comfort show that plays in the background when they’re home alone, they’re dependent on the distraction.
Compared to someone who loves spending time alone and appreciates the silence of a quiet house, these people need a distraction to avoid going inward and facing their own thoughts.
5. They hold onto relationships they’ve outgrown
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Unless they have a potential partner or a new group of friends to take their place, many people who fear being alone hold onto relationships, even when they’ve clearly drifted apart or become toxic. They need people in their lives, because spending time alone feels scary.
They’d rather have the wrong people around than nobody at all, despite telling everyone that they’re more than capable of fending for themselves.
6. They’re constantly scrolling or texting on their phone
Despite the consequences of too much screen time and the anxiety they’re subjecting themselves to by checking every passing notification, people who hate being alone rely on their phone as a crutch. When there’s nobody to hang out with and distract them, it’s texting and doomscrolling that fills that void.
Their personality revolves around their phone and the internet because it gives their lives meaning, even if it’s not always in their best interest.
7. They like chatting on the phone
In addition to leaning on social media and doomscrolling as coping strategies, many people who are afraid of being alone constantly talk on the phone. They’re the friends who are always on FaceTime or who call you on their way to work because they don’t want to sit with their own thoughts.
Yes, calling people just because is great for relationships, but with these people, it’s clearly a tactic to avoid their own company.
8. They make time to volunteer
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Whether it’s taking on more hours at work, offering to help every friend, or volunteering their time for strangers, people who feign hyper-independence to avoid alone time often do these things regularly. It’s a great trait to have, to be charitable, but it’s also a selfish coping mechanism.
They need every hour of their day filled, or they’re dreading going home to an empty, silent house.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
