When Someone's Only Pretending To Care, They'll Usually Say 9 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Krakenimages.com | ShutterstockThere are times where people want to initiate a conversation with us, but we aren't interested in talking. Usually, people will respect those boundaries, but not everyone can take a hint.
We let them know our disinterest by nodding along politely, but when people pretend to care, they use very specific language that show they don't want to be bothered. Someone has to speak up, after all.
People say these phrases when they're only pretending to care:
1. 'I totally get it'
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When a person cares what someone has to say, they're going to ask follow-up questions or even make statements about specific things that were said. But when they're constantly agreeing, saying things like "I totally get it," it indicates they have no interest in the subject or person speaking.
They're simply trying to disengage from the conversation in a nice way. Even if they don't completely understand the topic at hand, they've had enough.
2. 'You already said that'
This might initially seem like a person was paying attention very intently to what another person was saying. It appears that they're acknowledging something that was said before that person goes off on a tangent.
People who are genuinely listening will allow others to repeat themselves because they see it as adding context. But someone who doesn't really care is over the conversation. They don't care about context and they find it quite irritating to have to listen to someone talk on and on.
3. 'That's so funny'
If someone actually says something funny, people will laugh. They don't need to verbally explain that it's funny. When someone's only pretending to care, they say this phrase because they're trying to acknowledge that the other person tried. However, their lack of laughter communicates that they're uninterested.
As psychotherapist Karen R. Koenig explained, "When your words, tone and body language don't match one another, people get confused. They may think you're feeling okay when you're not, they may not take you seriously."
Saying "that's so funny" with a blank expression translates to "I see you're trying to be funny, but I don't care enough to laugh." That might feel harsh, but they're just trying to let you down easily.
4. 'You're so right'
It can be validating when other people tell you you're right, especially if it's a long-held belief or opinion. It might even lead to a friendship built on sharing the same values. But it's using the word "so" that makes this message a little more convoluted.
If a person is responding to something you said by saying "you're so right," they don't actually care if you're right or wrong. Rather, they're just trying to communicate that they heard you, and aren't interested in diving deeper into the discussion.
5. 'Isn't that great'
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It might be quite a biting phrase, but people who are pretending to care sometimes send overt signals by accident. It's not necessarily out of ill-intent, it's just them trying to protect their peace at all costs.
"Isn't that great" sounds very different as a statement than as a question. A question might send a signal of enthusiasm and genuine excitement, but a statement communicates a lack of concern for what's happening.
6. 'We talked about this already'
When people keep rehashing the past, they'll say things like "don't beat a dead horse" to end the conversation. In casual conversation where someone isn't listening or doesn't care for the topic, they'll use this phrase to point out how everything is going in circles.
Sometimes, if the person has stopped caring, they'll explain that this information has been revealed already. Rather than being rude, they're kindly trying to point out that they don't want to hear about it again.
7. 'Let's chat later'
Putting boundaries into place is important for good communication. Perhaps the person is genuinely busy in the moment and would like to chat with you later, but what if you're both off the clock later or you know you won't see them at that time?
Even if the person is communicating that they'd like to speak at a later time, if no such time exists where you'll be near that person, chances are they don't actually care to chat. If they're not communicating that they've carved some time out of the day for you, it's just not going to happen.
8. 'Exactly that'
This phrase might seem counterintuitive. After all, it's part of active listening to show that you're paying attention to specifics in the conversation. But if all the person is responding with is "exactly that" and nothing else, it points to something different.
Saying "exactly that" could be akin to being "yes, now please stop talking." They're pretending to care about the specifics of the conversation, but they don't actually. Usually, it's nothing personal, just a matter of compatible interests in conversation.
9. 'Wow, that's so cool'
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Sometimes, a person mentions something that is genuinely cool and interesting. But when someone really couldn't care less about being involved in the conversation, they don't feel the need to provide the validation that the other person is likely searching for.
When someone responds with an exaggerated "wow, that's so cool," they're trying to spare feelings in an effort to stay authentically themselves. Because, at the end of the day, all that matters is what you think of yourself.
Luke Aliga is a writer with a degree in Technical Writing and Communication who covers relationships, culture, astrology, and human interest topics.
