11 Rare Traits Of Women Who Get Lost In Books And Become Deeply Attached To Fictional Characters
Dean Drobot | CanvaBooks were my first love. I'd fall asleep surrounded by them, check out several dozen from the library at a single go, and figure out how to carry them all home. As a sometimes child insomniac, I'd get out of bed in the middle of the night to stack my books in piles that only made sense to me.
Books have always been a companion for me, and admittedly, at times, even supplanted people as what I relied on when things were rough. Research has found that reading consistently improves mood and offers a form of emotional processing that people return to again and again, especially during hard seasons of life. There is something about the interior world of a book that feels safe in a way the outside world doesn't always manage to be.
For many devoted readers, books showed up first and were the most reliable, and the bond that formed never really loosened. I don't know exactly what that says about loving people like us, or trying to, but here goes.
Here are 11 rare traits of women who get lost in books and become deeply attached to fictional characters:
1. We have book husbands and boyfriends
Mine are Heathcliff for date night and Mr. Rochester for Netflix and chill. Forming a genuine attachment to a fictional character is really just that same emotional fluency in action, a way of practicing feeling deeply before life demands it of you.
2. Women who get lost in books have author besties
Sometimes, a certain writer just gets us. We don't need to know him or her to sense a kinship. The writer in question doesn't even have to be alive. But yes, the writers who, in a single quote, seem to address all that ails us become reliable friends time and again.
Research has found that people who read fiction consistently score higher on theory of mind, which is the ability to sense what other people are thinking and feeling, even after accounting for age, personality, and intelligence. When a writer's words feel like they were aimed directly at you, it's the same recognition that makes you unusually good at reading a room.
3. We're maddeningly multifaceted
Gaman Alice / Unsplash
A true book lover is, first and foremost, probably curious. And the thing with devoted readers is that one thing you read opens up doors to other things you'll want to read. One of mine, recently, was Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, written on a dare while she was hanging out with her husband, Percy Bysshe Shelley, and Lord Byron. That put me on the path to Byron's poems, and then to the Prometheus myth, and so on.
Research on having an open-minded personality describes openness to experience as a cluster of traits, including imagination and intellectual curiosity. Readers tend to score high across all of it, which means the rabbit hole from Mary Shelley to Byron to Greek mythology isn't just a distraction from who you are.
4. We have specific ways of reading others are not to mess with
If we love reading, we probably have ways of doing things: If there are five books on the nightstand in various states of having-been-read, there's a reason. And we can, in fact, keep track of all of them, thank you very much.
But if we're readers who must finish one book before starting the next, don't kill our vibe and recommend something new until we've read the last page. And don't dog-ear a page if we swear by bookmarks. Know our ways and honor them.
5. Women who get lost in books have a preference for paper or e-books
I call myself bi-textual. I like reading on the Kindle or in a book form, but I'm picky about what I read electronically and what I read on the page. I soon plan to start War and Peace, and yes, I'm going to lug around the huge tome, even if that makes no sense whatsoever.
But faster, easily digested reads for me are fine on Kindle. Still, never buy a Kindle for a woman who insists on hard copies, thinking you're lightening her load.
6. We will liken you to characters in books
Eslie Rodriguez / Unsplash
Sorry, you're going to get compared — sometimes favorably, sometimes unfavorably — to people who don't exist. But that's better than being compared to the jerks we know IRL, right?
People with high emotional intelligence are genuinely curious about others and naturally look for the deeper patterns underneath how someone behaves, explained psychologist Nick Wignall. Comparing you to a character isn't an evaluation; it's the closest she knows how to come to saying she's trying to really see you.
7. We only seem calm on the outside
If you make us lose our place, you will pay. But beyond that, never think a book-loving girl is everything you see on her often quiet, studious exterior. Readers often gravitate toward books because we have a surfeit of feeling, and channeling them into books and feelings for the books is our way to process them.
We don't go gently into the dark night, not ever. (Yes, I know Dylan Thomas was writing about death and not a woman's moods, but I've read enough to take liberties.)
8. Women who get lost in books want others to be readers, too
Maybe you're not a reader like we're readers, but you can't be one of those people who say, "You read FOR FUN?" (For those who say that, what's wrong with you? I read because it's like breathing.)
There's a John Waters quote: "If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't stay." That's absolutely enough said and perfectly so.
9. We want to get inside your head
Antoni Shkraba Studio / Pexels
The human condition is the subject of great fiction because it's the subject of great truth. And whatever we read, fiction or non, is because we're seekers and we want to understand (and be understood). In other words, it's okay to be a little vulnerable with us. We're interested in far more than your covers.
A 2023 study found that reading fiction develops both cognitive and emotional empathy, actually feeling what they feel. So if she asks a lot of questions about what you really meant by that, she's just doing what good stories taught her to do.
10. We will become lost sometimes (mostly in bookstores)
My husband has spent a lot of time trying to locate me within the shelves of a bookstore or library. In fact, he once told me that if there's a rewards-based afterlife, it will be comprised partially of enjoying that moment right before he spots me.
(It might have been a limbo-type afterlife, come to think of it.) But you'll also lose us to the pages sometimes, and you can never take it personally. It's just who we are.
11. Women who get lost in books are big overthinkers
As you see, I couldn't just dash off this list with snappy bullet points and little else. I want to be as clear as I can and be understood: We're nuanced thinkers with respect for characters who are more than just one thing.
Examining different points of view and perspectives, including our own, is just part and parcel of who we are. Just, every so often, remember that we need you to pull our heads out of the books and draw us back into the here-and-now.
Iva-Marie Palmer is an avid reader and the author of the young adult novels Gimme Everything You Got and The End of the World as We Know It. She also wrote Gabby Garcia's Ultimate Playbook series and Oh My Dog! for middle-grade readers. Before writing professionally, Palmer worked as an award-winning community news reporter in Chicago's South Suburbs and as a web editor for the Walt Disney Company.
