11 Signs You Are Dealing With A Total Loser Who Will Never Change
Lezin Konstantin | ShutterstockOur social hierarchies as humans are often misguided, with power and connections playing a more influential role than hard work and character. However, real "losers," compared to "winners," actually often cling to unhealthy social norms. They brag about their goals and adopt patriarchal mindsets at the expense of their own authenticity and growth.
All of these things are signs you are dealing with a total loser who will never change. Of course, in unique situations, some people can change, and not everyone who does one or two of these things is an inherent loser. But most of the time, their behaviors speak for themselves.
Here are 11 signs you are dealing with a total loser who will never change
1. They're incapable of having a vulnerable conversation
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Many people believe that deep conversations will be more awkward than they actually are, especially with strangers. However, they still bring a lot of purpose, joy, and meaning to our lives, despite being out of most people's comfort zones. But if someone's incapable of having a thoughtful and vulnerable conversation with a loved one they already know, there's a chance they're actually unable to have a truly meaningful relationship.
Especially for women with these tendencies, they tend to have superficial thinking styles that bring conversations back to men. Rather than speaking about what they enjoy and having authentic conversations with people, they remind everyone that they're just an extension of a man in their life.
2. They try to convince people who they are with words
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Instead of letting their actions speak for themselves or finding personal meaning in their own private progress, losers constantly brag. They spend way more time talking about who they are and what they're going to achieve than they do embodying that identity or making progress on those goals.
Even if it's bragging about being a compassionate person, losers rarely take action. When asked, "What do you do that's actually compassionate?" they have no response. They don't realize that a belief in something isn't enough to make it true. While this behavior may occasionally bring them fleeting glimpses of attention or admiration, most of the time, they end up sabotaging their own goals and progress.
3. They can't do anything alone
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Being an extrovert or even being uncomfortable with solitude doesn't make someone a bad person. However, losers usually can't spend even a few minutes alone before they start to feel personally attacked by their own company. Even when they're running an errand or doing nothing at home, they're completely dependent on the company of someone else to distract them from the discomfort of their own mind.
Unfortunately, as a study from Nature Communications explains, someone's attitude toward their alone time completely changes how they experience it. So, if a loser is afraid of solitude and constantly anxious about not having someone to distract them, they're going to end up feeling way more isolated when they're in their own company than someone who appreciates being alone.
4. They take out their insecurities on others
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Whether it's comparing themselves to other people constantly, harboring jealousy about people they call their friends, or having literally no sense of personal authenticity, losers are insecure. Not only that, but they weaponize and project their own poor self-worth onto others, so they feel less alone in their internal struggle.
Rather than figuring out what they enjoy and investing in their self-confidence with real action, losers blame other people for hating themselves. They have no hobbies and no intention of building a relationship with themselves, so they lean into consumerism or complaining for a sense of respite.
5. They gossip constantly
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Losers are chronic gossipers. They spread lies and rumors about other people because they have nothing else to talk about. The most interesting thing about them is the information they have about other people, which is why they only form connections by bringing other people down.
They're not interesting people. They rarely follow their own curiosity. They definitely don't have hobbies or personal interests. So, they bring other people down to feel better about themselves, even if it means breaking trust by telling a secret or latching onto someone who doesn't deserve to be taken advantage of.
6. They try to copy people
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While mirroring other people's behaviors often forms stronger bonds, without sabotaging someone's sense of self, there's a big difference between this mode of building rapport and copying someone completely.
However, losers only copy people because they have no sense of identity or authenticity themselves. If they want some kind of external validation, they have to blend in with their environment because they can't find their people or community when they lack an authentic personality.
In some ways, these people also form incredibly unhealthy parasocial relationships with celebrities they don't actually know. They're trying to piece together an identity for themselves that's entirely rooted in a need for validation and attention, rather than honesty, integrity, and personal growth.
7. They have to make everything about themselves
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Losers make everything about themselves, all the time. Even when they should be encouraging or celebrating the people around them, they're grasping for the spotlight. Even if you have the same interests or goals, a loser will always change their tune when you start succeeding before them.
They don't actually care about your success. They just care about feeling important. Even though they're not disciplined or hard-working at all, they still expect to be celebrated for everything, despite being a negative hater at their core.
8. Everyone around them is a loser
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The people you surround yourself with not only influence how other people perceive you, but they also influence your internal energy. If you're surrounded by negative people, you become a negative person. If you're surrounded by losers, dating a loser, or tolerating a loser friend, you're also becoming a loser.
People who can relate to and connect with one another share similarities. Especially considering that people in the circles of losers often have no respect or love for themselves, they have nothing to give you. Of course, most of us have had a loser partner or bad friends before that we finally separated ourselves from, but for the people who keep tolerating or celebrating loser behavior, they're adopting it.
9. They shame you for wanting more
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You are dealing with a total loser if they bring other people down to make themselves feel more comfortable. They aren't afraid of shaming people for wanting more, especially if it makes them feel better about doing nothing for themselves.
It's okay to want a simple life. It's okay to be comfortable without big aspirations. You can be a good person, even if you don't have huge goals. However, bringing someone down for being ambitious, just so you don't have to be alone, makes you a loser.
10. They play the victim
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Everyone's life is hard. Life is unfair. Just because you think you're deserving of ease and comfort doesn't mean that facing challenges is inherently unfair. However, for losers who refuse to take control of their own lives, dodging accountability and playing the victim is second nature.
They're always complaining about how hard their lives are, but never change anything. Unlike truly self-aware people, who can acknowledge where they have room to grow and take action, losers wait for opportunities and growth to drop into their laps.
11. They're always in competition with others
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Losers are the friends who are secretly jealous of each other. They're the co-workers who always one-up other people's accomplishments. They're the most insecure people in every single room, who need to be the center of attention at all times, even when they have nothing of value to say.
Winners learn from mistakes and their jealous feelings. Losers weaponize their jealousy and blame everyone but themselves for not being as successful.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
