10 Signs Your Friend Is Secretly Happy When Things Go Wrong For You
aerogondo2 | ShutterstockWhile we'd like to think that our friends will always be there for us, whether it's lending a listening ear or providing comfort when we're sad, some people aren't so lucky. Behind your back, they may often feel jealous and struggle to cope with their emotions, all while putting on a fake smile and cheering you on to your face.
Unfortunately, you may not notice the signs your friend is secretly happy when things go wrong, as their actions are often subtle and shrouded in inauthentic support. When their jealousy becomes harder to hide, these fake friends may become erratic, only wanting to be around when your life is falling apart. So, it's essential to be wary of friends who seem to only come around when you're at your lowest.
Here are 10 signs your friend is secretly happy when things go wrong for you
1. They highlight your failures and minimize your achievements
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True friends are always happy for your success. No matter what they're going through in their own lives, at the end of the day, they pull through and choose to celebrate because they're loyal and genuinely want you to be happy.
But when your friend is secretly happy that things aren't quite going your way, they minimize your achievements. Trying to one-up you, they highlight your failures with quickness. But as clinical psychologist Forrest Talley pointed out, the more you try to prove yourself, the more insecure you become.
2. They give you comfort that feels backhanded
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Good friends are going to be there for your rough moments in life. From breakups to job losses, relying on your friends during these awful moments is important for mental health. So, if a friend is providing comfort that feels a bit backhanded, they may be happy that you're suffering.
These friends thrive on ego. Unable to pass up on an opportunity to fuel their own worth, they'll say backhanded comments that don't feel as comforting as they should be. Smiling in your face, they act oblivious to the mental chaos they cause.
3. They become distant
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Everyone wants to see their friends win at life. Even if they aren't at the place they want to be, a win for one is a win for all. Whether it's a better-paying job or a new relationship, good friends don't allow envy to ruin what they have.
But for bad friends, they don't always know how to control their emotions. Feeling envious and angry, it gets the better of them, and they lash out or grow distant. While these emotions may be normal, a person is in control of their own actions at the end of the day.
4. They dismiss your hard work as luck
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If people could have it their way, they'd live life relaxing and doing the bare minimum. But life doesn't work that way, and for many, putting in grueling hours of hard work is one of the few ways to be successful.
So, if you've done everything you can to break down doors and find success, only for your friends to dismiss your hard work, this could be a sign they're not on your side. Hating the idea of you winning, they'd rather blame it on luck than admit you've worked hard for a long time.
5. They discourage your goals
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The most ambitious people set goals they want to accomplish in specific time frame. Maybe it's to travel the world or earn six figures, but no matter what they want, in the presence of a hateful person, it can derail that determination.
Hating the idea of their friends doing better than them, when a friend is secretly happy when things go wrong for you, they'll discourage your goals. Even if you have a long way to go, these friends cast doubt every step of the way. Taunting and expressing doubt, it can feel draining to be around them.
According to a 2026 study, toxic people can accelerate aging in people due to the high amount of stress they experience around these individuals. So, if you notice this behavior, it's best to put distance between yourself and your friend.
6. They encourage you to settle for less
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Friends aren't always going to hype you up, especially in times when you can make better choices. Whether it's settling for the wrong relationship or not choosing a path in your best interest, true friends will call you out. On the other hand, bad friends who enjoy your misery and failure will encourage you to accept less than you deserve.
Telling you it's all in your head and even gaslighting you, they'll have you thinking you don't deserve better. It's cruel, but it's in a hateful person's nature to bring others down.
7. They purposely give bad advice
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True friends do their best to support you and offer great advice intended to help you move forward. They'll tell you to chase your dreams, ask out the person you have a crush on, and even encourage you to take that trip you've been thinking about for a while. Their intentions are clear: helping you improve your life.
Friends positively influence your choices and improve your self-control, so choose them wisely. If your friends uplift you and give you good advice, keep them close because they're a gem. But if your friend is known to give bad advice on purpose, this person likely doesn't want you to be happy.
8. They try to humble you
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After facing months or years of setbacks, finally getting a win can feel like a breath of fresh air. Cheering yourself on, it's normal to express your satisfaction moments to your loved ones. Unfortunately, if you find yourself being humbled by a supposed friend, telling you that it's not a big deal and not to brag about it, they're only happy when things go wrong for you.
Your friend isn't that confident in themselves. Struggling to keep their heads above water, they hate to see someone else doing well. Feeling as if their friend doesn't deserve good things, they'll make mean comments in hopes of making you feel just as embarrassed and upset as they do.
9. They only call when your life is a mess
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True friends are there for you every step of the way, through the good and bad. They're there to be your anchor and shoulder to cry on. However, fake friends who secretly pray for your downfall don't actually care about you. So, when things are going downhill for you, that's when they call you.
Wanting to be there to fuel their own ego, they enjoy hearing about your grievances. They'll take what you tell them and make you feel 10 times worse. But while you may think it's a one-off encounter, be careful.
As psychology professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne explained, when people are inherently mean, they tend to become even more stuck in their ways because they can't express the qualities associated with love. It doesn't necessarily mean they have a personality disorder, but because they aren't supportive, it's a good idea to leave them out of your life.
10. They turn every conversation into a competition
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When your friend turns every conversation into a competition of some sort, they're secretly happy that things are going wrong for you. They're always trying to one-up you or insert themselves into your achievements. It could be a story about a cool opportunity at work or a great thing happening in your home, but they'll find a way to turn it back to themselves.
Acting passive-aggressive, these fake friends embarrass you in front of others on purpose, meaning to put themselves on a pedestal and get attention. They're entirely caught up in their own world and are focused on disrespecting you.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and trending topics.
