When Someone Feels Constantly Ignored, It's Usually Because Of 11 Alienating Habits
Yuri Cazac | Shutterstock Purposefully ignoring someone is one of the cruelest things someone can do. Not only is it hurtful, it can make that person feel worthless. Sometimes, when someone feels constantly ignored, it's because of their own alienating habits.
People who get ignored might not understand why it happens, blaming others for their spiraling sadness and bad behavior. But they can help interrupt this spiraling behavior by looking inward for one (or more!) of these alienating habits and start working to heal them.
When someone feels ignored, it's usually because of 11 alienating habits
1. They only talk about themselves
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Successful social interactions are a balancing game between two people: One person talks while the other listens, and then those positions switch. It seems spontaneous, but conversation is more like a science we don't even know we're participating in.
But some people have a tendency to dominate conversations. They interrupt others and talk over them, or steer the conversation topic back to themselves.
People don't always realize when they're being self-centered in conversations. Often, it's a subconscious result of feeling nervous or insecure. Because they're worried about fitting in, they talk about themselves in a way that pushes people away. This creates the opposite outcome than what they intended: people start ignoring them due to this alienating habit.
2. They complain
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People who come off as overly complain-y tend to be ignored by those around them. No one likes feeling cornered or dragged into drama, which is why they don't pay attention to people who give off negative energy.
Whether it's a friend who emotionally dumps on you or a co-worker who complains about how bad everything is on a daily basis, it's common to want to distance yourself from that kind of negativity. Researchers from Princeton University found that emotional contagion, when someone's emotions spread to another, can occur without face-to-face interaction or through social media as well.
Since emotions can be passed between people, it's not surprising that someone who complains a lot constantly feels ignored. Sadly, it's not because they're a victim, it's because of this alienating habit.
3. They take more than they give
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Often, when someone feels ignored, it's because they've pushed too far with another person. Instead of saying so directly, they likely go quiet and hope the pushy person gets the hint. Or, maybe they did say something and the pushy person didn't get it. Eventually, they'll end up alienating people.
See, relationships are built on a sense of reciprocity, meaning that there's an equitable division of give and take between two people. Sometimes, one person in a friendship or partnership needs more support than the other, and that is fine. Eventually, that individual will return the support when needed.
As one psychologist explained, feelings of reciprocal care and love are necessary to build a healthy relationship. If one person takes more than they're willing to give, their relationship is likely inherently imbalanced.
It's fairly common for someone who zaps other people's emotional energy (without ever giving it back) to be ignored, which is why it's so important to check in with people and offer to help them out when they're down.
4. They don't speak their minds
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While one alienating habit of people feeling constantly ignored has to do with talking too much, the other side of that spectrum can also lead to problems. This is especially true when those people grow resentful for not being considered, despite not sharing their thoughts, opinions or boundaries.
People who don't stand up for themselves or share their viewpoints tend to get ignored by people around them. Having a passive personality often makes them seem like part of the background instead of an interesting person all their own.
This kind of dismissiveness isn't usually malicious, but it can still make someone feel like they're less valuable.
5. They're inattentive
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With all of the distractions around us, it's harder than ever to pay attention. But inattentive people who don't address their focus issues often end up stuck in this alienating habit.
By acting aloof or not tuning into conversations, someone can give off the impression that they don't really care about the people they're with, which then leads those people to ignore them. After all, they're not being fully recognized, why would they recognize that person back with attention?
Feeling left out can build on itself, in that the more we feel ignored or neglected, the more we tend to act like we don't care, even when we do.
6. They brag about their accomplishments
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A study reported in the journal Psychological Science found that there's a thin line between sharing positive news and being seen as bragging. The researchers posit that people lean toward self-promotion when they're trying to make a good impression on others, yet it often backfires, making them seem less likable.
As Irene Scopelliti, the lead author of the study, explains, "When we engage in self-promotion ourselves, we tend to overestimate others' positive reactions and underestimate their negative ones."
Bragging can make people feel inferior or self-conscious about their own lives, which might lead them to ignore the braggart. Meanwhile, the person bragging may not realize that the reason they feel ignored is because they have such an alienating habit.
7. They have closed-off body language
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According to experts at Princeton University, it only takes one-tenth of a second to form a first impression of another person. Yes, humans really can learn a lot in a flash!
Our facial expressions send distinct messages about our personalities, even when we're unaware of them. This means that someone who's frowning or avoiding making eye contact often comes off as angry or unapproachable, which pushes people away. It makes sense, given this context, that they feel constantly ignored!
Showing open, relaxed body language, like standing up straight and letting your arms hang loosely at your sides, signals that you're socially available and less likely to get ignored.
8. They push people away
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Someone who insists on doing everything by themselves might create their own self-fulfilling prophecy of being ignored by others. This hyper-independence might feel self-protective, but it can build high walls that nobody can break through.
Being hyper-independent is a common trauma response, rooted in a person's lack of trust in the people around them. They tend to push people away, even when they need support, because they're scared of being hurt.
Even though pushing people away is often a form of self-preservation, it can increase a person's sense of isolation, as they tend to be ignored because of the walls they construct around themselves.
9. They don't regulate their emotions
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When a person has low emotional intelligence, or hasn't done the work to heal some past emotional pain, they may struggle to keep their feelings in check. They might explode with anger or fall apart at the hint of any discomfort.
Regulating our emotions is a learned behavior, one that children are supposed to learn from their parents while growing up. The good news is that it's totally possible to learn this as an adult, but many people simply refuse to.
These people push people away, or maybe even scare them. Without the emotional intelligence to recognize why others feel this way, they may see themselves as victims, like others are constantly ignoring them out of cruelty rather than justified self-protection.
While it's entirely normal and healthy to feel big feelings, the way we express those feelings matters.
10. They have low self-worth
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According to a study from the journal Personality and Individual Differences, feeling insecure can manifest itself in a number of different ways.
Some people develop inferiority complexes, which means they have low self-confidence and avoid social situations where they might be vulnerable. A person who has a superiority complex also has intense feelings of low self-worth, yet they overcompensate by talking up their abilities and presenting themselves as better than other people.
Both inferiority and superiority complexes can cause someone to push people away, and they end up feeling constantly ignored by people in their community. Being ignored can further diminish a person's sense of self-worth. As you can imagine, this alienating habit creates a self-fulfilling cycle.
Relying on other people's opinions isn't the best way to boost confidence. Instead, validating yourself based on your own internal values leads to long-lasting self-esteem.
11. They're passive-aggressive
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One group of people who often feel ignored but don't realize it's because of one of their alienating habits is passive-aggressive people. What's sad is that their habit keeps them isolated and they have no idea why.
See, passive-aggressive people often develop this habit when they spend a lot of time in an environment where being direct and open is met with rejection or even an unsafe reaction. In many ways, passive-aggression arises as a way someone can "test" to see if another person will get angry about a topic or in response to a request.
Soon, this habit of passive-aggressive behavior becomes almost a family culture without anyone realizing. That's why most people don't even realize they do it. They may even complain about family members who are passive-aggressive without realizing how much of that behavior they've internalized.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
