11 Subtle Things People Say When They’re Trying To Hide How They Really Feel
Nicoleta Ionescu / ShutterstockWe’ve all been guilty of holding our tongues. Sometimes we may feel a certain way, but prefer to keep it to ourselves. Whether it’s to prevent an argument or to please someone around you, it’s not uncommon to hold back what we really want to say.
Someone who is trying to hide how they feel may show it in the subtle phrases they say. Sure, they’re not coming out and saying how they feel verbatim, but these things show how they feel inside. Saying something like, ‘It’s whatever,’ shows that they have feelings about what’s going on, even if they don’t want to say it out loud. However, their behavior will tell you where they really are emotionally.
These are 11 subtle things people say when they’re trying to hide how they really feel
1. ‘It’s whatever’
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Have you ever had a conversation with someone and they said, ‘It’s whatever.’ Clearly, they were bothered by something you said or did. You may have offended them or bothered them with something you said. Instead of telling you how they really feel, they may say this to brush it under the rug. You can tell that they’re annoyed, but they won’t be honest about it.
The term ‘whatever’ is said to make it look like someone doesn’t care. Likely, that person actually cares a lot. When they don’t want to get into it, they may use the phrase to move on. However, this may leave you asking more questions to make sure they are doing okay.
2. ‘Don’t worry about it’
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When someone tells you not to worry about it, they likely are worrying about it. You may have said or done something that hurt their feelings. When you apologize, they may respond, ‘Don’t worry about it.’ It might be hard for them to share how they feel. They may not want to hurt or disappoint you with their emotions. Saying this subtle phrase may be their attempt to hide how they actually feel.
Worrying doesn’t get us far. We all know this. When someone says this phrase to hide their true feelings, they may not want you to waste your time worrying about them. However, it’s also a sly way to hide that their feelings are hurt. Often, there is something more going on under the surface.
3. ‘I don’t care’
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We’ve all heard someone say this at some point. This phrase may be their attempt to hide their true feelings, but most of us know something is brewing under the surface. They may want to keep their true intentions undercover. Likely, what you said hurt them, and they actually care deeply. They’re trying to play it cool and hope you believe it.
If a person says they don’t care about something, this may be a trauma response. Instead of letting their true emotions come through, they’re hiding behind the phrase. They may want you to believe that they’re strong and that painful things don’t bother them. It’s a way for them to protect themselves rather than telling you how they really feel.
4. ‘I’m just tired’
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This is a phrase I have been guilty of using. Even when I actually did care about something, I’d try to play it off like everything was fine. If I seemed a little off, it was just because I was ‘tired.’ In reality, I wasn’t tired; I was upset. If you’ve been there before, you understand. ‘I’m tired’ is a phrase we felt like we could hide behind.
We’ve all been tired. Most people will hear this phrase and take it at face value. They may believe you are just tired and not struggling with your emotions. If this is the case, it’s a way to hide your actual feelings.
5. 'It's not a big deal'
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I’ve said this before, too. When I said it, I didn’t want anyone to think something was wrong. I was hurt by something that happened, but I was passionate about keeping the attention off of myself. Instead, I’d claim everything was great, but inside, I was deeply upset. It may be easy to tell when someone doesn’t actually mean what they’re saying when they use this phrase.
“The honest sharing of emotions as people communicate with each other can set the foundation for healthy dialogue. Emotions perform a unique social function in helping people adapt to each other in ways that can promote mutual understanding because they reveal what people are feeling, not just saying,” says Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD, ABPP, for Psychology Today. “However, there are many reasons for people to disguise or hide their true emotions, blocking this route of communication. The most common emotional fake-out involves what's called ‘surface acting.’”
6. ‘I’m fine’
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Raise your hand if you’ve ever used this phrase before. I hope everyone has their hands firmly in the air. We’ve all been here. Pretending to be fine when it feels like the world is falling apart around you. It’s not easy to talk openly about our emotions, so we may say we’re fine when, in reality, we are far from it.
It’s not uncommon for people to say that they are fine when they aren’t. It’s a defense mechanism. They may be afraid of being vulnerable or don’t want to burden other people with their problems. This is a subtle phrase they may use to hide how much they are hurting under the surface.
7. ‘You wouldn’t understand’
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People may think their feelings are too complex to share. They might think others will not understand where they’re coming from. Truthfully, they likely have friends and family in their lives who would be more than happy to hear their feelings. Instead, they use this phrase to hide their true emotions. They fear that they wouldn’t have support.
We may think our feelings are more complicated than they actually are. Instead of working through our emotions, we may try to cover them up. It can be hard to show vulnerability, especially when you believe your problems are bigger than most would be able to grasp.
8. ‘Just forget about it’
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Some people may start to open up about their feelings, but regret it. Instead of letting the person they’re speaking with know what’s going on, they may shut down. It’s easier to say, ‘Just forget about it,’ than it is to explain the complexities of their emotions. It’s difficult to be open and honest with people, especially if they struggle with trust. They may think the person they’re talking to won’t understand where they are coming from.
We can gain so much by sharing our emotions with other people. While saying ‘Just forget about it’ feels more comfortable, we need to confide in others. It brings us closer, and it helps us process our emotions.
9. ‘I was just joking’
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Have you heard that there is always a nugget of truth within every joke? Even if someone claims they were just kidding, they may have had deeper intentions with their words. It’s hurtful to imagine that a person you care about would make a joke at your expense. They may have feelings towards you that they are not willing to share, so they try to cover them up with mean-spirited jokes. Saying it’s a joke allows them to get out of saying what they really feel.
By hiding rude comments behind ‘jokes,’ this person is covering up how they really feel towards you. It can make you question whether or not they actually like you. This behavior is harmful to friendships.
10. ‘No worries’
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If you say something to someone and they reply, ‘I guess,’ it may be a sign that they are trying to cover up their true feelings. Maybe you said something to them that they didn’t agree with, but they weren’t ready to push back on it. Say you asked them to do something with you, and they replied, ‘I guess.’ You’ll be able to tell by this phrase that they are hiding how they really feel. They may want to tell you no, but are afraid to show their true feelings.
This phrase can cause struggles in your personal relationships. It’s clear that they are bothered by something, but if they aren’t willing to open up about how they feel, you’ll never be able to remedy what they’re struggling with.
11. ‘You’re right’
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Sometimes, it’s easier to say someone is right than it is to try to change their mind. We’ve all dealt with people like this before. Instead of having an open conversation with them, going along with their feelings keeps the peace. I used to have a friend like this. It wasn’t worth it to try to convince her she was wrong, so I’d just tell her she was right. Sure, I was hiding my feelings, but I was happy to do so to prevent arguments.
“You might worry expressing certain emotions will lead others to judge you and believe you can’t manage your feelings. As a result, you hide your sadness, fear, frustration, and other so-called negative emotions,” says Crystal Raypole for Healthline. “You could also have some concerns around others using these feelings against you, especially if that’s happened to you before.”
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
