You Can Usually Tell People Who'll Be Happy Into Their 80s By 6 Things They've Already Figured Out
MEDITERRANEAN | CanvaMost people assume the ideas of money and success lead to happiness. While there’s nothing wrong with doing well in life, neither of those clues should make your list of tips for finding happiness. Most people have been on the hunt for that elusive quality called 'happiness' for most of their lives, and come up short when they limit it to the superficial.
As you age well into your 60s, 70s, and even 80s, your mindset can be your greatest ally or your greatest enemy. When it comes to happiness, mindset ranks high with social support and love, and it can be a deal-maker or a deal-breaker when it comes to those who will age with contentment and peace and those who won't.
You can usually tell who will be happy into their 80s by these things they've already figured out:
1. Happiness is an inside job
We all have access to happiness from within, but we often close ourselves off to this beautiful spring of joy. We do this through our own thoughts and in how we pollute our bodies with junk. (Doom-scrolling for hours and scarfing a bag of Doritos are both junk, FYI.) We also make the mistake of overly focusing on happiness at the expense of other things, something called the happiness paradox.
The happiness paradox reminds us that focusing too much on our happiness can distract us from what truly brings us joy. Constantly analyzing our happiness can also be detrimental to our mental health, causing unnecessary internal stress and anxiety. Pay attention to how happy you are, but don't ruminate on it.
2. A good life is built one present moment at a time
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Think of how you feel after a massage: When you're present and relaxed, you're probably a lot happier, regardless of what is happening in the world. True happiness comes from being fully present at the moment and maintaining a relaxed mind, even if external circumstances or world events — gestures wildly at everything — are causing stress or negativity.
The most direct way to access our natural happiness is to accept and surrender to the way things are rather than fighting against or trying to change circumstances beyond our control.
Also, a friendly reminder that it's okay to not always feel okay, and it doesn’t mean something is wrong. Our resistance to not feeling great all the time often strengthens the feeling of unhappiness. Psychologist Dr. Amanda Hanson has a great line on this: "I don't want to sit in rooms with just happy people. I wanna sit in rooms where people tell me the stories of how they overcame a struggle or a heartbreak." Can we get an a-freaking-men?
Modern, normal people think that happiness means you need to be smiling big, sparkly smiles all the time. It doesn’t. Happiness is soft acceptance, not dopamine overdose.
3. If you want a neat trick for staying depressed, blame others for your problems
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If you want a fast track to feeling good, take ownership of your life, quit blaming others for your problems, and create something. "As long as a person believes their painful feelings of anger, fear, hurt, anxiety, depression, guilt, or shame are caused by something outside themselves rather than by their own thoughts and actions, they will see themselves as a victim," psychologist Dr. Margaret Paul cautioned.
Also, when we consume processed garbage, we feel bad, and it’s challenging to feel happy when our bodies are in disarray after eating a bowl of Twinkies. When we quit any kind of drug, even caffeine, even Instagram, we’ll feel withdrawal, including psychological withdrawal. I’ve felt flat and unmotivated for weeks because of this, but I'm still happy beneath it. I don’t equate short-term displeasure and chemical imbalance with unhappiness.
This is why I eat a primal diet that hasn’t changed much in the last 1000 years. Human bodies evolve slowly, but our diets have evolved quickly. Is there a link between brain fog and wolfing down a loaf of bread? Of course there is. Bread and doughnuts are processed foods that block your deepest sense of happiness.
4. Happiness tends to show up when you stop hunting for it
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Instead of chasing happiness, they focus on creating things, being consistent, and being useful to others. Life is chaos, so let go of this so-called perfect reality — it doesn't exist. Expect the bad moments. When they come, you can take them gracefully. You navigate the Earth like water, not mud. Watch how happiness magically appears when you stop obsessing about it.
5. Humans weren't designed to live this disconnected from nature
We’ve lived entirely out of sync with how humans have naturally grown accustomed to living; i.e., spending lots of time outdoors, in the sun, eating meat, broth, and a bit of fruit, and not typing in equations on spreadsheets. Most of this modern work we get stressed about is essentially meaningless manufactured claptrap, soon to be replaced by robots, here to prop up an illusory machine that could collapse at any moment.
What does this all mean? It means we must find compassion for ourselves. You’re doing incredibly well for someone willing to put up with all this — as we have for centuries. The best we can do is make the most of it, find meaningful work that interests us, and find a way to enjoy it.
6. Not everyone will like you, and that's okay
Follow what others might criticize as weird if it’s ethical and makes you happy. Happy people often prioritize authenticity and self-expression over seeking constant approval from others. They are comfortable being disliked by some people if it allows them to stay true to themselves.
This idea is strongly associated with the bookThe Courage to Be Disliked, which explores the philosophy of Alfred Adler, where the key to happiness is accepting oneself fully, even if it means not being liked by others who might disagree with your choices. Oh well. Find the tribe that gets you; life is too short to convince anyone else of your value.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.
