11 Things People Think Are Normal, But Really Just Mean Your Nervous System Is Dysregulated
Gelpi / ShutterstockLiving in such a busy and stressful world means that many people are dealing with a dysregulated nervous system. When your nervous system is dysregulated, it feels like you can’t settle down because you always feel like you’re on edge.
This isn't just in your head, and it's not something you can usually fix quickly, because it’s embedded in how your autonomic nervous system functions. Many things that we’ve all come to accept as the norm are actually signs that your nervous system is all over the place. We aren’t hardwired to feel stressed all the time, but many of us do find ourselves in that situation. These things may seem totally typical, but they’re actually evidence of your nervous system working overtime when it shouldn’t have to.
Here are 11 things people think are normal, but really just mean your nervous system is dysregulated
1. Needing to know what comes next
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Having a plan is kind of one of those things that has two extremes. On the one hand, it’s not good to never plan anything and take “go with the flow” literally because you’ll never reach your goals. However, it’s also possible to over-plan.
People don’t talk about planning too much very often because being prepared isn’t a bad thing in general. But when you’re obsessed with knowing what’s next, you can get caught up in the illusion that it’s possible to make the future perfect.
It can feel very comforting to know what’s coming next, which is why a frazzled nervous system loves to know what the plan is. Nothing unexpected popping up just feels easier. That’s not always a reality, though.
2. Not being able to get any rest
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Sleep medicine specialist Dr. Samuel Gurevich, MD, called the feeling of being simultaneously tired and wired high-stress exhaustion. “You can be completely physically and mentally exhausted, but your eyes are wide open and your brain keeps going,” he explained.
This can be a problem when your body just can’t pause and reset, even when it desperately needs to. Because your nervous system is out of balance, your body is experiencing too much stress to be able to rest properly. This can be really bad for your health and require medical attention in some cases.
3. Feeling numb no matter what happens
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When something happens that you think should make you feel happy or excited, or at least would have made an old version of you feel that way, but you can’t feel much of anything, you’re probably experiencing emotional numbness.
Technically, this acts as a "protective mechanism” because it makes it easier to concentrate on what’s absolutely essential to survive, according to psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD. Emotional numbness can be caused by things like trauma and overwhelm, meaning that your mind is likely using it to avoid dealing with a bigger issue.
4. Not living in the moment
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Everyone is guilty of struggling to remain present at times, but making it a habit points to nervous system dysregulation. In serious cases, when you feel like you can’t do the things you need to do, it could mean you have a mental health condition like depersonalization-derealization disorder.
In milder situations, this could look like having a hard time feeling the happiness that a certain event brings. You may feel like you never really feel happy for this reason, even if good things are happening to you. Constantly feeling on edge and anxious has taken over.
5. Expecting bad things to happen
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Having a hard time feeling hopeful at times is a normal human experience, but if you always think something bad will happen, even when there’s no real evidence to point to that, it means that your anxiety is out of control.
Jumping to the conclusion that something horrible will occur is actually a cognitive distortion known as catastrophizing. This is a thought pattern that creates a vicious cycle because it is caused by stress and makes you feel even more worried as a result. It can make you feel like you’re losing it, but your nervous system isn’t really concerned about that.
6. Needing constant distraction
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Our world is full of distractions by nature, and many people try to avoid them as much as possible to find a moment of peace. Others do the exact opposite, trying to stay distracted in whatever way they can so they don’t have to focus on what’s actually happening.
Psychiatrist Jud Brewer explained that this pattern has evolutionary origins. Just as our ancestors once learned to avoid danger, we have learned to avoid uncertainty by distracting ourselves. Exposing yourself to constant mental stimuli doesn’t give you the chance to relax, but doing so would require you to face your worries, so your brain stops you from doing so.
7. Replaying conversations
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Going over conversations you’ve already had in your head and overanalyzing every detail is a form of rumination. Rumination is more than just obsessively thinking about something, though. It’s actually a way that our brains try to calm our anxiety. We think that if we review a conversation repeatedly, we’ll be able to react better to similar situations in the future.
If you get stuck in this cycle, it’s comforting to think that you’ll feel less anxious if you actually thoroughly think through a past conversation and better prepare yourself for your next one. Unfortunately, that rarely happens. Instead, it just makes you second-guess yourself and worry even more.
8. Being hyper-independent
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Some people are naturally more independent than others, and that doesn’t mean that their nervous system is dysregulated. An obsession with independence and never needing assistance can be a sign your brain is going too far, though. The sad thing is that this is often celebrated and praised as a good thing, even though hyper-independence is very different from the general idea of not having to rely on someone else.
In some cases, hyper-independence can actually be a response to past trauma. For example, if you went through a time when you felt like you couldn’t trust the people around you, or the people who should have been there for you weren’t, it might push you to never depend on others.
9. Getting irritated easily
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Nervous system dysregulation could cause irritability in several different ways. Feeling particularly anxious can make you more irritable, but it could also have physical causes like not getting enough sleep. All of these things can happen when your nervous system is struggling, which could in turn lead to irritability.
This is hard to deal with because it can affect your relationships with others. People you care about might think your changing mood is a sign you’re trying to push them away. It’s good to always try to be as aware of your behavior as you possibly can and be honest with loved ones about how you feel, so you don’t lose support.
10. Shutting down when overwhelmed
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The classic concept of fight, flight, or freeze refers to how your sympathetic nervous system reacts to a scary situation. If you shut down, it means you’re freezing. This happens because your mind sees your stress and overwhelm as dangerous and responds instinctively.
Shutting down can feel like the safest option to your nervous system, but that doesn’t make it beneficial. If you’re overwhelmed, it’s probably a good idea to reach out for support, or at least work through how you’re feeling. If you feel like your body just shuts down instead, you can’t do those things.
11. Crashing hard
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Some people tend to push through anything that needs to be done, no matter how difficult it is. This persistence can be helpful, but it also comes with a cost. After pushing through something, you’ll likely be so tired and stressed that you’ll just crash.
This can mean different things for different people. Sometimes, crashing is like hitting a wall and just not being able to function. It can also look like losing your temper in an uncharacteristic way, or feeling the need to disappear for a couple of days.
Crashing happens when your nervous system is going through too much and just can’t handle any more. Everyone will experience occasional crashes, but if they happen frequently and are severe, they're unhealthy and add to your stress instead of fixing it.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
