10 Ways High-IQ Women Respond To Passive-Aggressive Friends Without Stooping To Their Level
Isaac Mitchell | UnsplashWe all have that friend who sometimes gets passive-aggressive seemingly out of nowhere. Or maybe they're passive-aggressive more frequently than you'd like.
If you're like me, passive aggression is the worst because it brings out the worst in everyone involved, lowers the amount of respect you hold for a person, and just generally keeps things tenser than they need to be for longer than they should be. Research has found that passive aggression, or aggression by omission, is as harmful and driven by the same malicious motivations as direct attacks.
There are multiple ways to learn how to deal with passive-aggressive people, especially the people who are your friends. By following a bit of advice, you can handle that dramatic person in your life once and for all, like the high-IQ woman you are, but without being petty.
The ways high-IQ women respond to passive-aggressive friends without stooping to their level:
1. High-IQ women consider what's behind the behavior
Something might be going on with a friend who's acting passive-aggressive, so jumping to anger or annoyance might make it worse. You'd be surprised how many times a person takes something out on you without meaning to. Be caring and considerate. How would you want someone to behave if the roles were reversed?
2. They go high when others go low
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It's easy to sink to a passive-aggressive friend's level, but don't. You'll only encourage the behavior and be just as bad. Instead, make them see you as the person they ought to be acting like. Keep your cool.
3. They don’t respond at all
"How beautiful it is to stay silent when someone expects you to be enraged."
Relationship coach Anna Thea suggested, "Indirect hostility is widely considered passive-aggressive because it involves covertly expressing negative feelings or anger, often through subtle actions or behaviors rather than confrontation. It creates a disconnect between what someone says and what they do."
Sometimes all a passive-aggressive friend deserves is your silence. It might feel hard at first, but you'll feel stronger for it later.
4. High-IQ women don't indulge the behavior
"Show respect, even to people who don't deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours."
Don’t succumb to it or give in to passive-aggressive behavior, but try to make the relationship more peaceful so it's easier to facilitate a mature conversation about it. Thea continued, "Pouting and withdrawing from arguments are common strategies of the passive-aggressive person. This behavior comes from a person's belief that expressing anger directly will only make things worse. They'll tend to use phrases like 'fine' and 'whatever' to express anger indirectly instead of communicating in a direct and emotionally honest way."
5. They take a break before responding
"Inhale peace. Exhale stress. Inhale calm. Exhale worry."
You ain't got time for that passive-aggressive mess. Give yourself space to breathe in some fresh air and good vibes. A study found that one way to handle daily pressure and recharge from stressful interactions only takes 7 minutes. Meditative breathing exercises can make you happier after dealing with a difficult friend, and focusing on breathing increases energy while reducing anxiety.
To piggyback off that, spend more time with people who love and appreciate you. They'll encourage you to be your best self. Personal development coach Moira Hutchison explained that "When you ask others for help, the level of stress you're experiencing will drop. It's very stressful when something goes wrong; anxieties and worries develop and persist. The longer you worry about the situation, the worse you feel. Getting help means you can avoid all that distress."
6. High-IQ women think twice, speak once
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"Think twice. Speak once."
If a friend is being passive-aggressive, respond in a way to highlight why their comment isn’t appreciated, or make light of it. Don't go with your initial reaction. It's best to handle these things wisely when learning how to deal with passive-aggressive people.
7. They confront the behavior
"You cannot change what you refuse to confront."
Your friend might not accept the confrontation. They may deny it. But bring up their behavior calmly and without sounding aggressive. Even if they deny it, at the very least, you've brought up your perception, and that just might be enough to get them to rethink their "not aggressive" words or actions.
8. They forgive
"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
Easy, right? Research has shown that most people who apologize expect to be forgiven as part of the unwritten social contract. The more empathetic a person is, the more challenging they find a lack of forgiveness. Of course, no one must forgive anyone, but understanding the impact of not accepting a passive-aggressive friend's apology can make them even more passive-aggressive.
Remember: Forgiveness doesn't mean you're letting them off the hook. You're doing it for you, because ultimately, a grudge helps no one.
Psychiatrist Judith Orloff recommended understanding why people become passive-aggressive. "They’re typically raised in families where it’s not safe to express anger; they’re never taught to communicate it healthily. They adapt by channeling these feelings into other, less obvious behaviors; this gives them a sense of power and control."
9. They know the difference between passive-aggressive and aggressive with a smile
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"It is very sad to me that some people are so intent on leaving a mark on the world that they don't care if that mark is a scar."
Sometimes people will say someone was being passive-aggressive when in reality, they were being openly aggressive, but then backpedaling to make it seem like they were just kidding, or it's no big deal, or they didn't say anything.
This isn't passive; this is someone punking out. Intentionally hurting you, and then not owning up to it because, to put it bluntly, they're jerks. If this is the kind of person they are, is that who you really want to be around?
10. High-IQ women consider moving on if the behavior doesn't change
"Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you."
Chronically passive-aggressive people might fall into the toxic friend category. Cut them out of your life and move on. This doesn't have to be dramatic. Just do what's best for you.
D'Vaughn McCrae is a writer and multimedia journalist who focuses on mental health and relationships.
