When Life Falls Apart, Emotionally Intelligent People Usually Do These 8 Things To Cope
Stock Rocket | ShutterstockWhen life falls apart, emotionally intelligent people don't allow those around them or the circumstances they face to dictate their feelings. They trust their ability to persevere and regulate their emotions, regardless of how hard life gets. They don't let others make them feel triggered, angry, or shameful.
"You become nonreactive to the environment and the people around you," Jack Bunce, an emotional healing coach, said of emotionally intelligent people when faced with hardship. "That's not to say you don't feel emotion, but people with high EQ are far less influenced by the emotions and energies of the people around them."
When life falls apart, emotionally intelligent people usually do these 9 things to cope:
1. They choose acceptance, not denial
Instead of blaming their choices on outside circumstances, emotionally intelligent people take responsibility for their actions and emotions. They understand that no one can truly make them do or feel anything without their permission.
Life coach Susie Pettit explained, "We’re not all meant to like everyone. That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with them or that we have to spend time actively unliking them: it merely means they’re not for you. The same goes for you. Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay. Not everyone is going to agree with the decisions you make. Not everyone is going to agree with your point of view."
It's not easy to accept that you may be the common denominator among the problems in your life, but you may need to face facts. Only then can you take any steps toward becoming more emotionally intelligent.
2. Emotionally intelligent people take the time to reflect
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Whether it be school, work, or parenting, many of us have busy schedules that fill up our time and make it difficult to find even a moment to breathe. When you do find a second to yourself, it can be tempting to binge-watch TV, doom-scroll social media, or simply go to bed. However, emotionally intelligent people utilize their time better.
They take the free moments to reflect on their emotions and give their feelings the attention they need and deserve. Whether through journaling or meditation, they feel, identify, and acknowledge their emotions so they can move past their issues more quickly and with a better understanding.
3. They don't hold on too tightly to the way things are supposed to be
When you create an idealistic version of how everything is supposed to be in your head, you may be let down when your expectations inevitably don't match reality. Emotionally intelligent people understand this and avoid setting such expectations.
“When we place expectations on others, we're inevitably setting ourselves and them up for failure,” mental health coach Mac Brazina explained. “That's because you're asking them to answer your needs before you've answered them for yourself. The next time you catch yourself placing undue expectations on other people, I want you to ask yourself this: What is the need, fear, or insecurity that I am outsourcing to this person? And how can I answer it for myself?”
4. They know themselves
Having a clear identity is crucial to emotional intelligence because you need to be able to handle things without letting the opinions of others get in the way. Having multiple perspectives may be helpful in times of crisis, but you can't let them cloud your judgment. Research has shown that having a clear point of view and sense of yourself leads to higher self-esteem, which is crucial to creating self-trust and becoming more emotionally intelligent.
5. They nurture themselves
Emotionally intelligent people don't wait until their body gives out or their brain stops functioning to give themselves the care they need. They practice hobbies and habits that benefit their physical and mental health so they can be the best version of themselves.
Empowerment coach Miya Yamanouchi suggested, "When it comes to self-care, do you skip the steps that might involve emotional work? Many people don't realize that emotional intelligence is a big part of self-care, happiness, and overall mental health."
6. Emotionally intelligent people don't dwell on the past
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The past can weigh you down if you don't learn to let it go. It's important to hold on to the good and learn from the bad, but don't let any of it stop you from living your life.
For example, if you're beating yourself up about how you should've started working out six months ago and the progress you could have made by now, you're preventing growth. Instead of dwelling on the past and what you could have done better, focus on the present and what you can do now to benefit your future. That's what emotionally intelligent people do.
7. They don't seek validation from others
It's only natural to seek outside validation from those around you, be it friends, teachers, colleagues, or even strangers on social media. However, emotionally intelligent people find this validation within themselves.
"Looking for validation outside yourself, even if you do get it, is not going to change the way you feel," advised spiritual coach Kristine Carlson. "External validation may be nice to hear, but what's most important is for you to believe it yourself."
8. Emotionally intelligent people solve problems on their own
A key aspect of emotional intelligence is having the ability to solve your own problems. Life coach Troy Madsen suggested, "Emotional intelligence is about realizing that there are no problems, only situations. Situations that either need to be dealt with or left alone and accepted until they can be changed or change on their own. What you may have previously labeled as a problem is simply an illusion you've created and chosen to believe."
Emotionally intelligent people can get through things by themselves. When life starts falling apart, this doesn't mean they isolate themselves from the world or never ask for help, but that they trust in themselves and their resourcefulness to solve their problems and work things out.
Sahlah Syeda is a writer for YourTango who covers psychology, research, news, and human interest topics.
