A Woman Who Has Been 'The Strong One' For Way Too Long Often Has These 11 Unintentional Behaviors
Viva el Gato | ShutterstockBeing the strong one sounds like a compliment, but over time, it can become a role that's hard to step out of. When a woman is always the reliable one, the fixer, or the person everyone leans on, she often learns to push her own needs aside without even noticing she's doing it.
Eventually, that pressure starts to show in small, unintentional behaviors that foreshadow emotional burnout and exhaustion. If a woman in your life has been carrying more than her share for years, these nuanced changes may be her way of coping with being strong for too long.
A woman who has been 'the strong one' for way too long often has these 11 unintentional behaviors:
1. She sits in her car for a few extra minutes
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Being the strong one is a tough job. While, on the one hand, it feels good to be relied on, always being strong is bound to come with its fair share of exhaustion and burnout. This is presumably why strong women tend to sit in their car for a few extra minutes.
The average person tends to linger in their car for a minute or two while gathering their paperwork or bags. That being said, if a woman is simply sitting in her car and closing her eyes for a few minutes, she's probably trying to regulate herself. As child and family therapist Heather Rose Artushin, MSW, LISW-CP, said, one of the best ways to emotionally regulate is to focus on mindful breathing.
She explained, "Calming the nervous system using a range of breathing exercises helps to reduce emotional intensity." This is probably why many strong women linger in their cars in the first place. It's the only time they truly have to calm their nervous system down.
2. She shuts down when it comes to emotions
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Facing one's emotions is never easy. As much as people rave about the importance of being emotionally vulnerable, putting it into practice is no easy task. Especially for strong women who take on everything, an unintentional behavior they often engage in is shutting down their emotions.
They want to be open and share their thoughts with their loved ones. However, they've spent so long being the one everyone depends on that it doesn't come easily to them. From handling finances to acting as everyone's therapist, she's taken on everything. And while she may do it willingly, it isn't sustainable in the long run. Eventually, she may stop knowing how to rely on anyone at all, which can leave her feeling even more isolated.
3. She snaps at people more easily than she used to
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Always having to be the tough one is bound to push even the strongest women past their limits. As much as she'd like to pretend she has everything handled, at some point, she's likely to snap. It's hard on the people around her, but snapping at everyone is often an unintentional behavior that women who've been the strong one for too long find themselves falling into.
From snapping at her kids to snapping at her partner, she may struggle to rein in her emotions. However, this isn't always her fault. According to the University of Utah Health, signs of burnout include anger and irritability. This is why strong women must seek professional help; otherwise, this behavior will only get worse.
4. She keeps herself busy all the time
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When a woman has been designated the strong one for so long, she doesn't know how to relax. So used to working herself to the bone, she unintentionally ends up working 24/7. No, it isn't the healthiest, but for some reason, she can't stop it.
Whether it's due to social conditioning or an immense amount of guilt, strong women often feel useless if they aren't catering to others. That's why she works late at the office or doesn't take breaks as a mother. Even when she knows those breaks matter, it can feel almost impossible to break the habit.
5. She eats quickly or while standing up
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On the outside, eating while standing up may not seem like anything unusual. In certain countries, it isn't uncommon to see people walking while enjoying their food. However, for strong women, eating while standing can become an unintentional habit.
Once again, strong women don't know how to relax. No matter what country they live in, they always feel like they're on the go. So rather than taking a much-needed break, they push themselves to the limit and sacrifice relaxation time for convenience. This isn't great, as 2016 July Momentum Yale cited, "Research shows that relaxation keeps your heart healthier, cuts stress, reduces muscle tension, improves brain function and memory, and helps you avoid depression, anxiety, and obesity."
6. She pulls back from people she cares about
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Once upon a time, strong women found a way to invest in all their relationships. Whether it was her romantic relationships or friendships, she understood that balance was key. However, as her burnout grows, a woman who's been strong for too long eventually begins to ignore her loved ones.
It can be hurtful, but there's only so much energy she has to spare. Between work, family life, and all her other obligations, she may barely have enough energy to eat properly. So even if it feels personal, she isn't doing it on purpose. Feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, strong women often try to conserve what little energy they have, even if that means texting less.
7. She avoids looking at her finances
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As most people know, money can be stressful. It doesn't matter how financially stable someone may look on paper. In today's world, it can feel like no amount of money is ever enough. That's probably why women who've had to be strong for too long sometimes avoid checking their bank statements.
Even though staying on top of finances matters, constantly worrying about money can make anxiety worse. And as Professor James R Langabeer, Ph.D., Ed.D., explained, "Financial anxiety can disrupt daily routines and exacerbate poor money management behaviors, such as neglecting activities or procrastination." That's why she may avoid checking her account as often as she should, even when she knows it would help her stay in control.
8. She refuses help even when she needs it
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She's never depended on anyone in her life. From a young age, many strong women learn to become hyper-independent. So when a woman has been the strong one for too long, refusing to ask for help often becomes second nature.
Deep down, she may know it isn't healthy. While independence is valuable, even the most independent people need someone to lean on from time to time. Still, despite knowing this, she may struggle to change. Fearing people will see her differently, she'd rather handle things alone than risk losing that sense of strength she's always relied on.
9. She keeps searching for answers on her own
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Everyone wants to be the best version of themselves; however, getting there isn't always straightforward. That's why women who've been strong for a long time sometimes pick up the habit of ordering a ton of self-help books. It's not that they don't want support. Many just aren't sure how to help themselves more directly.
While they may know something needs to change, figuring out how to get there isn't easy. So she keeps ordering more books, hoping that by gathering enough insight, somehow, some way, something will finally click.
10. She says 'I'm fine' even when she isn't
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A strong woman is a huge people-pleaser. Never wanting to worry her loved ones or cause anyone any inconvenience, she's gotten all too used to saying, "I'm fine," even if that isn't really the case. And while her loved ones may feel at ease with her false reassurances, refusing to open up only hurts her more in the end.
As consultant and writer Tchiki Davis, Ph.D., explained, "Vulnerability can strengthen relationships by building trust and intimacy." However, when a strong woman refuses to bridge that gap, it only creates more distance in her relationships, leaving her feeling more isolated in the long run.
11. She crashes on the weekends
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Finally, women who've been strong for far too long often sleep a lot during the weekend. Is it the healthiest habit out there? No, but strong women can't always help it. They give it their all during the week. From helping coworkers to showing up for their loved ones, they put most of their energy into caring for everyone around them.
Unfortunately, all of that effort comes at a cost. Once the weekdays are over, a strong woman may find herself collapsing on the weekends and sleeping in. And while it may feel necessary in the moment, there's no denying that oversleeping has its drawbacks. According to Clinical Psychologist Michael J. Breus, Ph.D., "Sleeping too much is linked with many of the same health risks as sleeping too little, including heart disease, metabolic problems such as diabetes and obesity, and cognitive issues, including difficulty with memory."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.
