4 Words People With Exceptionally Thick Skin Use When Someone's Being Rude
PeopleImages | CanvaI’ve always been super-sensitive; just one unkind word used to cause me to crumble in a heap of tears. When I hear a little kid crying in a store, I almost cry myself. My whole life, I acutely spotted changes in people’s tone and mood and then worried they might direct those changes at me.
You might think being sensitive is a good thing, and in some ways you’re right. Even fMRI scans have shown that sensitive people are empathetic, loyal, and good listeners. The downside is that when other people find out you are sensitive, they sometimes try to step on you and keep you down. They find strength in what they presume is your weakness. They know you aren’t likely to stand up to them, so they get worse over time and pick at your self-esteem until it no longer exists.
I used to be a big fan of disappearing. Whenever a friend or family member was hurtful and unkind, I’d just delete them from my life. I was too afraid of confrontation to speak up. All I knew was that the person made me feel bad about myself all the time. Maybe it’s not the best solution, but it helped in the short term.
My whole outlook changed when I spotted a meme on social media. It was simple and consisted of only four words.
Here are the 4 words people with exceptionally thick skin use when someone's being rude: Let whoever think whatever
Those four words made me realize I didn’t have to worry anymore about what people were going to say or do or if they talked behind my back. The freedom of those four words was incredible and life-changing because I’d been living the opposite way. I didn’t even know there was another way to live.
It almost seemed impossible. Could I just not care about other people and their drama and their cruel and controlling ways? Could I not have my heart broken just because somebody took a shot at me? Did it really matter if somebody secretly hated me and pretended they didn’t?
I realized if someone acted like that, it probably had little to do with me. They were stuck in their own drama loop instead.
It took me a long time and lots of therapy to realize what studies have explained: not everyone was going to like me. I could have been the nicest person in the world, but somebody somewhere wouldn’t like my personality or my jokes, or the way I laugh. Even then, I’m sure they didn’t spend too much time thinking about me.
Most people are more concerned with themselves and how they see the world
Rachata Teyparsit via Shutterstock
Before I saw those four words, "Let whoever think whatever," I used to keep all my friends, even if they weren’t healthy for me. I’m selective these days about the people in my circle. None of them wishes me harm, and I never have to worry about them being mean. The circle only includes a few people, which is fine with me.
These days, I don’t clam up when somebody hurts me, but I also don’t yell back at them. Instead, I put what they said in the vault in my heart. If the vault gets too full of cheap shots, insults, and generally unpleasant encounters, then I know the person is not part of my circle. I keep them at a distance and move on. I don’t want to say bad things that I don’t mean along with them. It’s not my style.
Psychologist Loren Soeiro, Ph.D., said, "Friendships help us create our identities, enhance our self-worth, provide support for us at difficult times, and foster in us a sense of community, meaning, and purpose. Honoring a friendship may therefore be more about recognizing what it offers you, and finding new ways to grow, than making sure that it lasts forever."
Whenever somebody is rude or tries to judge me, I try to remember those four simple words
I let their rudeness hang in the air. I hope that they’ll realize how unkind they are being and stop. That takes some self-awareness, though, which seems in short supply these days.
I remember running home and crying one school day when some kids teased me for my pants being too short. I really thought those kids hated me because of my pants. The truth was they were just joking that day. Although it was meant to tease me, they quickly moved on to the next joke. I’m aware now that people do this to feel better about themselves.
Associate professor of educational psychology Molly Dawes, Ph.D., explained, "True friends should know what to say and what not to say. That is, given their closeness, friends should know what specific content would cross the line. That said, teasing from friends can still hurt, particularly because they can have intimate knowledge of the person's vulnerabilities."
Life with my new motto brings me peace, which I’ve never really experienced before. Let people say or think what they want. I know I’m happy and content. Nobody gets to take that away from me. I’ll continue to let them think whatever, but I’m the one who knows the truth.
Glenna Gill is a writer and blogger from Charlotte, North Carolina. Her articles have been featured in Scary Mommy and P.S. I Love You. When I Was Lost is her first full-length book, a memoir of love, loss, and hope.
