You Can Spot A Woman Who Held Back Tears Multiple Times Today By These 10 Subtle Behaviors
mkfilm / ShutterstockIt can sometimes be hard to spot when someone is struggling. If they act like everything is fine, you may not think that something is wrong right off the bat.
Women who hold back tears multiple times a day often display subtle behaviors that reveal just how overwhelmed they are with feelings. Some women become experts at holding it all together. Keeping tears at bay is sometimes just necessary, especially with all of the responsibilities on their plate. Those feelings get pushed to the side, even though experts warn that doing so isn't good for either your mental or physical health.
Crying releases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, both known as endorphins. Those feel-good chemicals help ease both physical and emotional pain. In the long run, women who hold back tears may come across as distant and rigid. But when you pay attention to what's beneath their aloofness, you start to see the signs to how they really and truly feel.
You can spot a woman who held back tears multiple times today by these 10 subtle behaviors
1. She avoids direct eye contact
When a woman is trying to show she's not holding back tears at all, she'll look away at moments. She knows that any sustained eye contact might be the thing that breaks down the walls she's spent all day building and hiding behind.
It sometimes just takes the right person with the right amount of kindness in their eyes to see what you might be going through. When people are actively avoiding eye contact with others, it usually makes it challenging for them to develop any kind of interpersonal relationship. This kind of avoidance can eventually lead to social anxiety as well.
2. Her voice is steady but slightly strained
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She speaks clearly and manages to keep her voice controlled, but there's no denying that she's choosing her words carefully so she doesn't crack. The moment you start listening a bit closely, you can hear the fact that she's pausing after every couple of words or there's a slight waver in her tone. She might even clear her throat before speaking or stumble over her words because it's clear she's a bit distracted and in her head.
Those tiny slips are a clue into what kind of emotional state she's in. She's trying to keep everything balanced on purpose so she doesn't alert others with how much she might be struggling. Even when she laughs, there's a slight disconnect. There's no actual warmth in both her laugh and in her eyes.
The thing is, suppressed emotions don't just disappear. They stay in the body and increase the risk of things like depression and other stress-related illnesses.
3. Her smile is forced
In the same way that her voice sounds steady but strained, her smile doesn't have the effect that it should when it lands on her lips. She smiles when it's expected of her, but it might arrive a beat too late or just not even reaching her eyes at all. It's as if she's reminding herself that in order to appear normal, she has to show some joy and excitement. The thing is, she doesn't feel either of those things because of the fact that she's holding back tears.
People may not think there is any harm in faking a smile but using this strategy can actually result in more stress, emotional exhaustion, and poorer physical health. She's showing up, but not fully, and she's simply hoping the fake smile will be enough to convince people she's perfectly fine.
4. She blinks often during conversations
Frequent blinking might not always be noticeable unless you're actually paying attention. But when you do, you might notice that it's a woman's response to actively trying to hold back the tears. She wants to remain composed even though it's taking every bit of her strength not to break down right there and then. There's a fear of actually crying that she may hold, which is why she tries to regain control by incessantly blinking.
But, as explained by trauma therapist Elaine Miller-Karas, when you learn that your emotional tears exist to help you return to a more balanced state or even represent your compassion, empathy, and awe, it can help you understand that there is no shame in expressing them. Until then, she'll continue to pretend that everything is fine, even though her body is trying its hardest to release all of that pent-up emotional pressure and pain.
5. She keeps herself unusually busy
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Instead of slowing down, she'll continue to throw herself into every single task that she can manage. Staying productive is the best way for her to ignore the feelings of sadness and grief. The second she actually chooses to sit and be with herself, she'll have to confront what she's feeling. It's not even that she enjoys the tasks she's doing, either. She just likes what doing the tasks means she gets to avoid. Distraction is much safer than having nothing to do at all.
While filling her time can be a way to avoid her emotions, it also means she's not able to spend time discovering how to actually feel fulfilled. Slowing down and being present with our feelings is hard and means we have to actually confront the pain, but through that is the only way a person can grow, change, heal, and become better.
6. She makes awkward jokes about herself
For some women, humor becomes the best escape from their emotions. When things get too difficult, she can throw out a joke to help redirect the mood. The jokes either land or they don't, but they're always a sign that she's covering something up rather than actually being playful. Hiding behind the humor gives her the chance to say something without having to say it directly.
It softens what she might be feeling and makes it easier, or at least in her mind, for others to actually receive it as well. It's her trying anything and everything to not only stay in control but also avoid getting deep and personal. Because she knows the second she does, the floodgates will inevitably open.
7. She avoids her own reflection
Even a quick glance in the mirror can be too much for her. She'll immediately start to worry that her face is actually showing everything she's been trying to hide. When she's been holding back tears all day, looking into her own eyes can be the quickest way to cause those tears to fall.
That's why she doesn't even turn her head when she walks by a mirror, and she even avoids taking photos. She doesn't want any physical reminder of what she might be going through. She doesn't want to have to fully see herself in that moment. And when she's already on the edge, that kind of thing can feel overwhelming.
8. She leaves conversations early
She might come up with an excuse to step away the moment she starts to feel herself unravel. She might be someone who's usually more present and willing to stay and talk things through. But when she's actively avoiding shedding a tear, even something like that can be too much for her.
That's why she chooses to step away when she starts to feel her resolve slipping. She doesn't want her emotions to just spill over in front of other people, and she also doesn't want to have to experience all of the emotions finally coming to the surface. That's when conversations become shorter, and her replies start to be one-worded. It's her way of looking for an out.
9. She avoids anything sentimental
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The moment things start to feel heavy, she looks for a way out. She keeps things light on purpose because it helps her not feel the urge to cry at all. When conversations get too deep or more emotional than usual, someone bringing up past memories, or even just someone paying her a really special compliment, can all feel like too much.
Her instinct is to shift the conversation to safer, more shallow waters. This is usually because she recognizes that the emotional energy in that moment will break her. And she knows that once that door is cracked open, it'll be hard to close it shut once again. The tears will fall, and that's something she's been trying her hardest to avoid and suppress.
10. She leans into routines more
Having a routine and sticking to it is the best way for her to avoid confronting her tears. It becomes oddly comforting to take the same route to work every morning, stop at the same coffee shop to order the same thing, and stick to the same order of things that need to get done once she's back home. The sense that everything stays the same means she feels like both her feet are planted on the ground.
She believes that nothing will change if she can have a bit of predictability in her life. It gives her that sense of control to follow things that she already knows how to do. By sticking to what she knows and her routine, she doesn't have to drift off into her thoughts and deal with things she's not ready to handle.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
