You Can Usually Tell How Deep Someone Is By These 11 Phrases They Say In Casual Conversation
Andrii Nekrasov | ShutterstockWhile most people enjoy deep conversations and interacting with people who have a greater sense of depth in character, actually practicing the self-reflection and emotional intelligence it requires to get there themselves can feel overwhelming. Especially in our comfort and convenience-oriented society, taking the time and effort to build inner security and resilience isn't a priority.
However, despite most of this work being internal, you can usually tell how deep someone is by the phrases they say in casual conversations. They bring out a kind of intentionality and meaning in others that isn't always easy to tap into personally, and once you notice the language they use, it helps you form a deeper connection with them.
You can usually tell how deep someone is by these 11 phrases they say in casual conversation
1. 'Tell me more about that'
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While people with real depth often create space for self-awareness to understand themselves better and unpack feelings they've been holding onto, they also regularly ask questions like "Can you tell me more about that?" that encourages depth in others. They make people feel seen and heard in a world where most people are too caught up in seeking attention to create space for others to speak.
Their ability to ask intentional questions like this one and actively listen also sparks the "reward" center in other people's brains, as a study from Social Neuroscience explains, which bonds them closer together and boosts understanding on every level.
2. 'How did that make you feel?'
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Someone's emotional intelligence, whether they're a friend or a parent, can help them to understand and unpack other people's emotions, on top of their own. From asking deeper questions like "How did that make you feel?" to cultivating a safe space someone didn't even know existed to share vulnerability, they're intentional about helping people dive deeper.
Even if they're not ready to speak vulnerably about their own feelings, simply knowing they have someone around to come back to can be grounding amid stress and chaos in everyday life.
3. 'What's your gut telling you?'
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Tapping into intuition takes a level of self-trust and depth on its own, and while a person who's practiced listening to their gut can do it without outside reassurance, they may ask questions like this to aid someone in tapping into their own.
Whether it's going a level deeper than most small talk and peeling back the layers of superficial conversations, or helping someone parse through anxiety to trust their gut, they help people to learn more about themselves by equipping them with the tools to go deeper.
4. 'I need some time to think'
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Instead of seeking constant validation and attention from others, the most emotionally grounded, deep people instead prioritize their alone time when they need reassurance. From reflecting on experiences to regulating their emotions, they bolster their sense of self and well-being by putting solitude first.
Especially considering that someone's mindset going into alone time makes the biggest difference in how many benefits they reap from their own company, according to a study from Cognitive Therapy and Research, being willing to use it in their best interest is a huge part of their inner stability.
5. 'I can tell that means a lot to you'
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Compared to being invalidated with phrases like "that sucks" or "whatever" in self-centered interactions, people with true emotional depth often give people space to speak and feel reassured. Even if they don't agree with someone or share a similar interest in whatever they're talking about, they use "I can tell that means a lot to you" to connect.
It seems like a small shift from the average person's language choices, but it's these conscious phrases that allow us to feel seen and valued, even by someone we just met.
6. 'I've been through something similar'
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Striking a balance between being perceived as "one-upping" someone in a conversation and simply sharing experiences that overlap with another person is difficult, especially when you don't know someone, but truly deep people know how to connect without overlooking others.
When they relate to something and read the energy of a conversation correctly, these kinds of phrases make people feel seen, not overshadowed. Because they know when to jump in and when to let someone speak, they cultivate stronger bonds through their casual conversations and interactions.
7. 'Let me think about that'
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With the emotional regulation skills that come naturally to them, even in tense conversations and stressful interactions, deep people can pause before they respond. They don't impulsively react or let their first fleeting feeling lead their response, but take a second to pause, reflect, regulate, and then respond.
Especially in collaborative conversations, as a 2025 study explains, small pauses and intentional spaces of silence tend to breed healthier, more productive conversations. People have space to jump in without needing to interrupt and feel like they're being met with respect, rather than disrespect for someone trying to rush through obligations and interactions.
8. 'It's not scary, it's unfamiliar'
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It's often the most secure, emotionally intelligent people who grow from discomfort. They don't steer clear of challenges and discomfort, because they're not afraid to make mistakes. They learn from others openly and seek out conversations and interactions that push them to be better, instead of staying stagnant in their comfort zone and convenience.
They understand that anxiousness or nervousness aren't signs that something is inherently "bad" or "scary," but rather that they're uncertain and unfamiliar.
9. 'I don't think it's that simple'
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In our world, which prioritizes convenience and encourages people to take shortcuts to make their lives easier, it's not surprising that many prefer to be wrong rather than to push back and make things more complicated for themselves. However, people with an inherent sense of depth prefer to talk about things openly and dive deeper for the benefit of everyone involved.
Especially when they're around drama and gossip that tends to spread negativity without limits, offering another perspective and nuance that helps conversations be more productive is second nature to them.
10. 'I don't tolerate disrespect like that'
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On top of making people feel seen, having productive conversations, and creating a safe space for vulnerability, deep people also know what they want and need. They're self-assured before anything else, and aren't afraid to stand their ground and advocate for themselves, even in the face of a powerful, entitled person.
"I don't tolerate disrespect like that" is one simple phrase that reminds people of their deep sense of confidence. Even if it's quiet in most interactions, they're unwilling to tolerate draining energy from people who don't deserve their intentionality or disrespect that comes at the cost of connection.
11. 'Can we come back to this?'
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On top of their intentionality in reflecting on their own emotions and having productive conversations, people with true depth can also read the energy of a room without words being spoken. They understand when emotions are taking over and when the energy is too tense to have a productive conversation, so they use phrases like "Can we come back to this?" to redirect.
Even if it's not always comfortable to guide conversations in this manner, you can usually tell someone has a deep sense of emotional intelligence and intuition by their ability to read nonverbal cues and energy.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
