People Who Always Feel Like They’re Too Much Usually Learned 6 Rough Lessons As Kids
Vladimir Demin / ShutterstockWithout even realizing it, kids internalize many things they’re told by people who matter to them when they're growing up. Being frequently criticized for core aspects of who they are can make them feel like they’re too difficult to ever be fully accepted or loved by others.
When parents routinely get mad or yell at their kids, it often makes them feel like they're too much of a hassle or they take up too much space. This creates insecure adults who fear that their behavior will always push people away.
If someone feels like they're always too much for others, they probably learned these rough lessons as a kid
1. Everything is their fault
People who are taught that they take up too much space learn to feel sorry for just existing. But it’s impossible not to take up space, and, when those people do, they’ll feel the need to apologize for it.
Friends like this can constantly be heard saying “I’m sorry,” even when they did nothing wrong. They’ll routinely repeat the phrase when they’re doing things that benefit themselves instead of others, and it usually leads them to think that everything they do is selfish.
2. Negative emotions should be ignored
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When a child was taught to cover up their negative emotions, feeling anything less than positive can make them feel like they are too much. People who are a little more sensitive than most people, or at least more expressive with their emotions, were often told they were too emotional as kids. Their parents might not have taken their concerns seriously and made them think they were just being dramatic instead of making them feel heard or validated.
They internalize their parents' criticism and the embarrassment they felt because of it and teach themselves to suppress their emotions, pushing them down and ignoring their feelings so they don't end up showing them in front of other people. That way, they can avoid having that negative experience again.
3. They should make themselves smaller so others can feel important
When people feel like they're too much, they often think they should do less and take up less space to avoid annoying everyone around them. A lot of people who feel like they're a burden in their friends' lives reflect their insecurity in their body language.
They may cross their arms or slouch their shoulders to make themselves physically smaller. They do this to make themselves less noticeable. The logic there is that if they go unnoticed, they have a better chance of avoiding being criticized for being too much.
4. They should handle their issues on their own
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We’re all human, and we have needs, including a need for emotional support. We have to rely on our loved ones for connection and assistance because it's almost as important as food or water for our personal well-being.
People who feel like too much usually feel like asking for support is a burden to others. They think they're too needy even if that's not how they feel when people come to them for support. They end up believing that they need to handle things on their own and avoid telling their friends about issues that come up in their life. These people usually wind up worse off than they would if they just asked for some advice.
Going to others for support can give you a lot of new ideas you wouldn’t have thought of and more options that could really help.
5. They shouldn't stick up for themselves
Some kids who are told they are too much are sensitive to criticism. They’ll get upset if someone corrects them or scolds them for doing something wrong. Every kid experiences this because they need to be told what they're doing wrong to learn, but some parents can take it too far.
They’ll make their kid feel irrational for being upset when someone hurts their feelings. Kids can apply this harmful lesson to more things in their adult life too. When friends or partners treat them poorly, they’ll accept their bad behavior. They won’t trust that they deserve better because they were taught to put up with unfair situations to avoid looking sensitive.
6. They shouldn’t trust their gut when it comes to love
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When kids aren’t raised with unconditional love, they’ll usually try to find it elsewhere as adults. Often, people who feel like they’re too much will turn to romantic relationships to fill the void their parents left.
Because they want to experience the love they have been denied for so long, they'll get into a relationship with someone for superficial reasons rather than because they got to know them and really connected with them. Since the relationship isn't founded on genuine connection, they have a slim chance of working out.
If they break up with their partner, their parents might mock them for falling in love too quickly or being stupid for trusting it would last, which teaches them not to trust their gut when it comes to love, often turning them into avoidant partners who drive really good people out of their lives.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
