Women Who Are Mentally & Emotionally Stronger Than Their Husbands Usually Deal With 9 Sad Realities
Motortion Films | ShutterstockSome women shoulder the weight of relationship responsibilities, especially during hard times, simply because they are mentally and emotionally sturdier than their husbands.
Having that fortitude doesn't make the burden any easier to carry, however. Instead, these women face their reality with determination because marriages are rarely equal partnerships. This isn't about splitting the financial burden or childcare duties. These women are managing the emotions of an entire household and still holding it all together.
The sad realities women who are mentally and emotionally stronger than their husbands face:
1. They feel physically exhausted by their emotional burdens
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With the obligation to carry and manage other people’s stress in their relationship and family, it’s no surprise that so many women are coping with exhaustion regularly. They can’t handle their workload, but feel trapped by it and guilty when they do need to ask for help.
Emotional exhaustion zaps your energy. It also messes with your sleep, and that causes an endless loop of feeling like you need a caffeine IV just to get through the day.
2. They feel lonely in their marriage
Spouses should be each other's support system. But when a wife is always expected to support her husband without any reciprocation, she can start to feel lonely. She can't trust her husband to be there when she's overwhelmed, and then she starts to feel guilty for needing support at all.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman explained, "When you feel lonely within your marriage, you don’t feel like you’re part of anything bigger than yourself. You feel alone, and there is no 'we,' only you and your spouse, completely separate entities." She went on to say, "When it is just you and your spouse talking to one another, you don’t feel close or connected, and you don’t feel secure and safe. "
3. They hide how they are really feeling so they don't burden their spouse
When a woman is emotionally exhausted, it's often easier to suppress her own feelings to avoid facing defensiveness from her husband or deflection when it comes to the underlying problems in the marriage. They can’t be honest and expressive, because it usually ends in an unproductive argument, and it's just much easier to keep the peace.
So, they end up suppressing their emotions at the expense of their well-being. But ignoring those feelings doesn't make them go away, and resentment will eventually grow.
4. They take on more responsibility because someone has to
The invisible labor in a household has to get done. Guess who does it when a husband refuses to even acknowledge it because of his emotional weakness? His stronger wife does.
Whether it's managing the kids' schedules or just making sure the pantry is stocked, she saves the day without any recognition because her husband chooses not to notice.
5. They feel pressured to be ok even when they aren't
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If you’re the person that everyone goes to when they need help, but don’t have the same space to ask for support in return, feeling guilty for having bad days is common. These women can’t go to their husbands for support, so they feel like they have to be perfect all the time, even when they feel anything but.
Licensed professional counselor Sarah Moore explained, "Lots of women feel as though they need to be 'perfect' in order to be loved and accepted. Deep down, we all know that perfection is an impossible standard. But starting in childhood, our culture teaches women that it’s their duty to strive for perfection. This pressure extends into every area of life, including looking attractive at all costs, making no mistakes as a mother, maintaining a perfect home, succeeding in the professional sphere, and acting warm and bubbly no matter the circumstances."
6. They feel guilty for growing and changing as a person
Managing and facing discomfort is the key to growth. So, these women are often learning and growing all the time, while their husbands stay stagnant, because they’re not doing any of the work themselves. However, this also means that women are being held back by these partners.
They can’t have their own personal goals and dreams, because their partner needs someone all the time. They’re like an anchor that keeps women pulled down and miserable, because these husbands are obviously content staying the same, because they have someone taking care of them all the time.
7. They start people-pleasing to get scraps of appreciation from their husbands
Everyone wants to be appreciated. Just because you're married doesn't mean gratitude should suddenly be implied. Husbands who are emotionally stunted won't even consider thanking their wives for remembering to bring the pie to Thanksgiving at his parents' house, or even something little like knowing exactly how he likes his coffee and having a cup ready for him before work.
A wife who feels unappreciated might start going over the top to please him in the hopes that he'll offer her even an iota of recognition for caring. Instead of fulfilling her needs, however, he just starts expecting more and the exhaustion cycle continues.
8. They feel trapped and unhappy
Women in these situations often find comfort in wanting and wishing for a better life, even if it brings up feelings of guilt and shame. However, the sad reality is that they’re being held down by men who can’t manage their own emotions or act with emotional maturity.
They feel stuck, because they are. Their partner, who’s supposed to advocate for their growth and success, is actually sabotaging it on a daily basis.
9. They're forced to grieve the life they envisioned for themselves
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When you enter a relationship with someone, you often get an entirely different person than the one you’re married to a few years or decades later. That’s reality. People change. However, growing together and learning how to show up for each other as you age is part of what protects happiness and longevity.
However, the sad reality for these kinds of women is that they’re using potential as a coping mechanism. Nothing about their partner’s is changing, but they’re still being expected to do everything. They handle emotional labor, household labor, and their own jobs, but the reality of their situation never lives up to what they envisioned as a little girl or hoped for in their life.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
