Emotionally Draining People Almost Always Say 11 Phrases When Talking To You
Dean Drobot | ShutterstockWithout secure boundaries and a strong internal sense of worthiness, as well as the confidence to advocate for yourself, there are a lot of misguided people who can drain your energy. Whether it's a family member or a co-worker, sometimes the people closest to us are the reason why we feel chronically fatigued and exhausted.
Emotionally draining people almost always say certain unsuspecting phrases when talking to you that slowly chip away at your well-being, even if they seem harmless in the moment. From fishing for empathy to making critical remarks, it's clear they care more about their own peace than supporting and showing up for you.
Emotionally draining people almost always say 11 phrases when talking to you
1. 'It's not my fault'
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The most draining people in our lives are the ones who cling to their victim mentality. They can do no wrong in their minds, so they can't justify taking accountability for anything. It's always "it's not my fault" and "you're the reason I'm acting this way," instead of a genuine apology.
Especially in relationships, when resolving conflict and emotionally supporting one another, both of which stem from accountability, people who blame-shift and refuse to own up to mistakes place the burden on other people to fix things.
2. 'Why does this always happen to me?'
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You probably know someone who can't help but use this phrase all the time. They're chronic complainers who rarely take any accountability for their mistakes and struggles. When they face hardship, it's everyone else's problem.
Despite complaining all the time, they never take action. They might be self-aware to some extent, but they miss the acceptance and action that comes from making true change, as a study from Europe's Journal of Psychology explains.
It's a cycle. They rewire their brains to be more negative by complaining all the time, and unfortunately, everyone around them is equally drained by the negativity they perpetuate.
3. 'I didn't start it'
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Gossip is inherently draining, especially when it comes at the expense of someone else. While it can occasionally spark a feeling of connection and belonging with people in the moment, when rumors and criticism come up over and over again, it only brings down everyone's vibe.
The most emotionally draining people don't just gossip all the time, they also come up with a million excuses to keep doing it. The most interesting thing about them is what they know about other people, which is draining to people who want truly fulfilling, meaningful connections.
4. 'You're catching up to me'
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Competition can sometimes fuel motivation and healthy comparisons in our lives, but when it's rooted in shame and low self-esteem, it comes at a cost. Especially in close relationships, where friends and partners are constantly competing against each other to feel more secure in themselves, one person is always left feeling unappreciated and exhausted.
These draining kinds of friends make everything about themselves by one-upping you at every turn. They say "you're catching up to me" when someone accomplishes something, instead of celebrating their success.
5. 'I know you're having a hard day, but...'
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The best of friends figure out how to show up for the people they love, even when they're struggling. Even when they don't agree or have conflicting opinions, they can still make space for support. However, friends and loved ones who consistently drain our energy dismiss us when we need help.
They dismiss our feelings and invalidate our problems, usually in favor of their own. They always need attention. They always need pity. Most importantly, they expect everyone to be available for them all the time, without putting in any work themselves.
6. 'I'm just never good enough'
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Struggling with low self-esteem is an experience many people go through at one point or another in their lives. However, if it becomes a constant topic of conversation, without any effort to change anything, most people are likely tired of hearing about it.
You're in control of your own life, and if you're constantly looking to other people to validate the worthiness of your identity, you're going to end up feeling chronically worse. Much like over-apologizing places a burden on others to comfort and reassure them, using phrases like "I'm never good enough" leaves people feeling annoyed, to say the least.
7. 'I hope you don't mind, I need...'
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The most draining people are usually the most needy. They always need a favor or to take advantage of someone else, without ever giving up their time or appreciation in return. They weaponize commitment in their relationships, but never follow through on their end of the bargain.
Manipulative people also target their most empathetic, kind friends, taking note of their vulnerabilities and using them to their advantage. Even if it's not easy to spot these betrayals in the moment, the people on the other end of their manipulation will certainly feel drained.
8. 'If you really love me, you'd do it'
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People weaponize love in relationships in all sorts of ways for their own benefit. From love bombing to guilt-tripping, doing things in the name of love isn't always the healthy, cinematic experience we believe it to be. So, if you hear things like "if you loved me, you'd do it" from someone in your life, and are surprised you feel chronically drained, they might be the problem.
Relationships shouldn't feel transactional, but if someone is guilt-tripping you into showing up for them, at the expense of your well-being or boundaries, you're probably stuck with someone who's keeping score.
9. 'But I need you'
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Codependency is inherently draining, at least for the person expected to constantly show up and ease another's anxiety. Relationships need stability to thrive, and if one person is showing up without any room for personal individuality or support in exchange, something is off.
When being in a relationship with someone makes you feel more guilty for setting boundaries and advocating for yourself, it's probably their presence that's making you so exhausted.
10. 'I told you so'
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Considering our brains often hold onto criticism longer than praise, it makes sense that off-hand comments can stick around and drain our energy long after a conversation has ended. Whether it's judgment or cruelty disguised as humor, the most emotionally draining people make us feel worse about ourselves without any kind of accountability.
Bringing other people down makes them feel better, even if it seriously alters how someone feels in their own life.
11. 'I'm not telling you again'
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If bullying and using comments like "I told you so" to blame other people doesn't work, emotionally draining people try to intimidate others into meeting their needs. They use your vulnerabilities against you and weaponize fear to feel more powerful, and they're entirely exhausting to be around.
Even though they seek control and often operate with an inflated sense of superiority, at their core, they're compensating for insecurity.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
