People Born In The 60s & 70s Learned 10 Life Lessons The Hard Way That Gen Z Still Doesn't Understand
Pressmaster / ShutterstockBecause they're one of the smallest generations, Gen X is often referred to as the forgotten middle child, stuck between boomers and millennials. It’s both a fitting and counterintuitive description for a group of hyper-independent middle-aged adults who basically had to raise themselves while their parents focused on their own careers and relationships.
Gen X developed their fierce sense of independence early on, when they had no choice but to learn harsh facts of life the hard way with no one holding their hand. And no matter how they've tried to share stories illustrating how important these life lessons are, their Gen Z kids still don't understand them, because they haven't had the opportunity to experience as much of life for themselves.
People born in the 60s & 70s learned these old-school life lessons the hard way, but their Gen Z kids still don't understand them
1. No one else's opinions matter
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People who grew up in the 60s and 70s had to learn the hard way that no one else's opinions matter as long as you’re happy with who you are. Their boomer parents may have criticized their propensity for ripped jeans and baggy flannels, but Gen X didn’t let disapproval sway them from being true to themselves.
Gen X told off anyone who judged them with a resounding “Whatever.” The so-called slacker generation shrugged off outside opinions. While that may have had more to do with youthful apathy than anything else, Gen X wouldn’t dare to let anyone else define them. They learned the difficult yet valuable lesson of how to be their authentic selves.
Gen X knew they can’t control how other people saw them, which gave them the freedom to present however they wanted.
2. No one can save you except for you
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Another life lesson Gen X had to learn the hard way is that the only person who can save you is yourself. They came of age in an era of rising divorce rates and a higher frequency of moms working outside of the home, so a significant portion of people born in the 60s and 70s were left to fend for themselves once the school day was over.
The lack of parental oversight provided Gen X a freedom that kids haven't experienced since. They rode their bikes without helmets, tearing down streets without supervision, drinking from garden hoses if they got thirsty. Gen X was nothing if not resilient, and their inner toughness protected them when no one else did.
According to an article published in the European Journal of Psychotraumatology, resilience can be defined as “the ability to bend but not break, bounce back, and perhaps even grow in the face of adverse life experiences.”
Believing they could only rely on themselves, Gen X got into the habit of putting up walls and keeping their distance, even from people they love. Gen X learned the hard way that no one was coming to save them, but that lesson had major emotional consequences.
3. Success means nothing without a fulfilling personal life
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Gen X learned early on through their own lived experience that success without any semblance of work-life balance isn’t meaningful or fulfilling. They went from embracing their slacker reputation to competing for the coveted corner office, claiming a work-hard-play-hard mindset, while in reality, that motto often tipped more toward work hard, ignore everything else.
Gen X pushed themselves over the edge of exhaustion before learning that any amount of professional success hinges on balance. Now that they are in their late 40s and 50s, many are still struggling to make it all work.
4. A secure relationship requires vulnerability
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It took a lot of heartache for people who grew up in the 60s and 70s to learn that it’s impossible to have healthy relationships without being willing to be vulnerable. Starting at a young age, they took great pride in not needing anyone. Their boomer parents weren’t especially emotionally available, and having mental health struggles was stigmatized.
As adults, they had to unlearn their belief that expressing their feelings is a sign of weakness and start embracing being open and honest with the people they care about most.
5. Life rarely follows a straight path
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Life journeys are rarely linear. Most people make multiple false starts before finding their way. Whatever path they wind up taking will have unavoidable bumps and unmapped detours. They’ll confront dead ends that force them to choose a new direction. They might reach the midpoint of their journey and realize they have no earthly idea where they’re heading, which is why being open to every opportunity is crucial.
Gen X was taught that following one rigid career path was a sure way to find success, but the current job market is vastly different from the one they entered in the 90s. The heady combination of recessions, layoffs, and worldwide upheaval showed how important it is to stay flexible, above everything else.
Because they didn't picture their future playing out as it has, they’ve learned the lesson of adaptability the hard way, and it’s not one they’ll forget anytime soon.
6. There’s no way to be a perfect parent
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There’s no such thing as perfection when it comes to parenting. Gen X’s experience with their own parents might be viewed by some today through the framework of emotional neglect. As a result, many Gen Xers made a conscious decision to raise their kids in direct opposition to their own feral childhoods, and the concept of helicopter parenting was born.
As therapist Amelia Kelley shared with Parents’ Magazine, “Theories [are that] this generation became so interested in learning more about parenting in response to their lack of experiencing sufficient support as children themselves. They are incredibly interested in encouraging individual choice while trying to remain engaged as parents.”
Clinical psychologist Holly Schiff noted that “helicopter parents are highly protective. While this can be beneficial when it comes to safety and security, [their] children lack independence, which can affect them into adulthood. They also tend to lack emotional resilience.”
No parenting style is perfect, and no parent has every right answer. All anyone can really do is approach parenting from a place of unconditional love and unwavering guidance, cross their fingers, and hope for the best.
7. Everyone gets older
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Once upon a time, Gen X represented all things cutting-edge. They were the MTV generation, the first ones to see music videos flicker across their TV screens. Gen X had grunge and alt-rock, hip-hop and synthpop. They were disillusioned and disaffected. Apathy was a definitive part of Gen X’s identity. Not caring was cool, in the way that only young people believe it to be.
Being young makes people believe their lives are static. They think that somehow, the Earth will stop spinning on its axis, giving them unending chances to do whatever they want, but eventually they learn that time waits for no one. Now they have wrinkles at the edges of their smile, and their hairlines might be moving backward.
Still, with age comes wisdom. As long as Gen X approaches getting older with grace and self-compassion, they’ll stay open-minded and adaptable to whatever changes come their way. Ultimately, we are all only as old as we feel.
8. Building community is as important as being independent
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It may have taken a while, but most people born in the 60s and 70s eventually learned that building community matters just as much as being independent. Autonomy is a core aspect of their lived experience. They paved their own way, refusing to be judged by outside standards.
Their self-sufficiency stems from a shift in American family dynamics. Divorce was a common thread of many Gen X childhoods. An article published in JSTOR noted that by 1980, divorce rates were the highest they’d ever been, surpassing 22%, a marked difference from the previous decade’s divorce rate of 14.9%.
Gen X’s self-reliant mindset crystallized as they got older, and its consequent rigidity was detrimental to their emotional well-being. Many held tight to the deeply ingrained idea that going to therapy meant they were weak. After a lifetime of hearing that sharing their feelings was nowhere near cool, they struggled to stay connected to their spouses.
Gen X women, especially, learned the pitfalls of independence the hard way. They absorbed the difficult-to-live-up-to expectation passed down by their mothers that they could have it all, and mostly on their own. Carrying all that weight left them feeling burnt out and resentful. After a lifetime of pushing their DIY mentality to the extreme, they are now rewriting their narrative, as they've come to accept that no person is an island. Instead, they’re asking for help and discovering the beauty of being interconnected.
9. Cynicism eventually becomes bitterness
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Being skeptical was Gen X’s default way of approaching the world. They didn’t trust institutions or authority, and they were wary of both being sold to and of selling out. In an analysis of Gen X’s decision-making processes, marketing firm Mediaculture pointed out that “skepticism plays a significant role in how Gen X views the world.”
Mediaculture maintained that “their skepticism is not cynicism but rather a critical eye towards claims and promises, whether originating from brands, politicians, or other sources of information… their skeptical approach acts as a filter, guiding them towards decisions that are well-informed and carefully considered.”
Being skeptical creates hardness, leading to cynicism, which blocks people from experiencing the fullness of the world. While their sharp sarcasm and commitment to irony and apathy served them well in many ways, Gen X is figuring out that making a permanent home in those traits holds them back from feeling the wonder and joy that life can bring.
10. Going it alone is often the wrong approach
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It was hard for people born in the 60s and 70s to learn that going it alone can absolutely lead you down the wrong path. Gen X takes great pride in being left to their own devices, and that was especially true during their younger years.
They were raised with a tough love approach that emphasized not relying on anyone but themselves. Their parents made declarations like, “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about.” If they dared to express difficult emotions, their parents may have labeled them as overly sensitive.
Because of that, it’s no surprise that Gen X relied on major measures of self-protection to keep people from getting too close. But as they grow older, Gen X is choosing connection over isolation. They’re learning that getting their needs met isn’t needy, but rather a human right, and they're working hard to dismantle the walls they built around their hearts and letting others in, and their lives are much richer for it.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
